The most advanced help is to make children feel happy in the process of doing things

Recently, I have been watching \”Little Separation\”, which is quite heart-wrenching. Three families started a tough battle over the future of three children who were about to take their high school entrance exams. Parents try their best to find solutions if they have money, time, and methods. Nothing is impossible, only imaginable. Although my child is still young and it is too early to talk about the pressure of going to school, I still feel uncomfortable every time I watch it. The parents in the drama try their best for their children, and the children are also in pain, especially Fang Duoduo, She almost suffered from an anxiety disorder. Is her mother Tong Wenjie\’s approach advisable? Coincidentally, I read another article in the past two days. The author\’s point of view is similar to that of Tong Wenjie in the play. I would rather you have an unhappy teenager than see you have a humble adult in the future. I understand the reason why I am so entangled. In the eyes of many adults, happiness as a child and the situation as an adult are two contradictory entities. If you are happy as a child, you will have to taste the bitter fruits you have brewed when you grow up. On the surface, there is nothing wrong with this view. The harder you work, the luckier you will be. This is also a classic philosophy of life that we regard. The real problem is how to view the relationship between happiness and hard work. People who hold the view that \”I would rather a child be unhappy as a child than see him humble when he grows up\” put happiness and hard work on opposite sides. A happy childhood It means not working hard, and working hard means being unhappy. When you think about it carefully, this view is terrible. It will make many children live in dire straits. Why can\’t happiness and hard work coexist? In the eyes of Tong Wenjie and others, children who face the pressure of entering higher education must focus all their time on solving problems and studying, and ignore other things. For example, you can only relax for a few days during holidays. If you want to go to the amusement park on the weekend, you are not allowed. If you take a day to go on an outing, you are not allowed. If you go to a concert with your classmates, you are not allowed… When someone expresses a different opinion, They will definitely say: \”I am her biological mother. I love her more than anyone else. Seeing her like this makes me feel more uncomfortable than anyone else, but…\”, \”but\” means that I have to do this, in order to She will have a better life in the future. Poor parents in the world, everything parents do to their children should be recognized and upheld. I feel that parents’ ideas are good, but they should pay more attention to some strategies and stand at a higher level. Can children who are unhappy when they are young naturally become happy when they grow up? You were unwilling to study when you were young, but you are willing to work when you grow up? Over the years, I have seen the growth of some children and have taken care of some children. I personally believe that the highest level of help parents can give their children is not to provide all external conditions that can be provided, but to moisturize things silently and let the children feel what they are doing. to happiness. The closest thing to saying is \”It is better to teach a man to fish than to teach him to fish.\” Let me give you a real example, someone else’s personal experience. One year, the best key high school in a certain place was reported by a parent. The reason for the parents\’ complaint to the education authority was: This school is too perverted. It is simply a devil\’s education. The children study until one or two o\’clock in the night every night. My parents are with me all the time, every day, and there is so much homework to do on the weekends. If this continues, there will be no need to wait until the college entrance examination., both children and parents were devastated. This friend\’s child happens to be studying in this high school. When she heard the news that the school was reported, she felt that her child\’s situation was different from what the parent reported. Maybe her child had not completed the homework assigned by the teacher. She went home and asked her child, \”You go to bed on time at 9:30 every day. Have you finished all the homework assigned by the teacher?\” The child replied: \”You have done it. I also read over all the knowledge I learned the past few days every day.\” She knew that she My child doesn’t know how to lie, so I asked one more question, “Are you tired because of the high pressure in high school?” The child replied, “It’s okay. I don’t feel particularly miserable. Most of the time, it’s fine. I have classes every day and also have fun during breaks.” It\’s very interesting to be able to play ball and take interest classes that you like.\” She didn\’t ask any more questions. The child still went to bed on time at 9:30 every day, unshakable. During the vacation, the child made arrangements for himself to relax and study at the same time. He went out to play for a week and read more than a dozen extracurricular books. After taking the college entrance examination, her children were admitted to one of the top five universities. Is this an isolated case? no. Most children with very good grades don\’t think studying is a particularly hard thing, and their parents don\’t worry too much about it. They can find happiness in studying. By the same token, when you are young, you can find happiness in learning, and when you grow up, you are more likely to find happiness at work than those who were unhappy as children. The above is my point of view. Trying to let children find happiness in doing things is the best help parents can give their children. They all talked some useless nonsense, and they all understood the truth, but how could it be so easy to do it. When it comes to educating children, there is no universal magic weapon. Every child is different, and each child\’s education should be customized. But some methods are universally applicable. 1. Parents themselves can find happiness in doing things. Every child, whether they like it or not, is more or less a replica of their parents. What parents are like has a great influence on how their children are. If a parent can find joy in what they do, the child is likely to be affected by this as well. The child mentioned earlier who had good grades and didn’t stay up late had career-oriented parents who put most of their efforts into their work. When the child was young, no one looked at her. She was rocking the crib with one hand and holding a book in the other. Her professional title was obtained during her maternity leave. The scene after dinner every night at their house is like this: After dinner, they take a walk for half an hour and watch the news for half an hour. Starting at 8 o\’clock, each person has a table. Dad writes papers, mother reads, and children do homework. Occasionally exchange a certain point of view and everyone can speak freely. Parents work step by step, but children can worry less and basically don\’t need to be urged by their parents. A few days ago, I read a report about a poem written by a child that won a grand prize. The theme of the poem was that mobile phones have become the \”second child\” between parents and children, and the children clearly feel the imbalance. A child, when he comes home and sees his parents Ge You lying down, playing with his mobile phone, watching TV, or complaining about his unsatisfactory work, he turns to the child and says, \”You kid, you must study hard, otherwise you will be useless in the future.\” As a child, what do you think? 2. Let children learn to do thingsLong-term System Engineering has recently answered several inquiries from parents. Two of the parents mentioned: What should I do if my children are in the second or third grade of junior high school and don’t like to study? What should I do if my academic performance is not good? At this time, purely from the perspective of their children\’s education, most parents will choose to enroll their children in cram schools, supervise their children\’s learning, limit all their children\’s after-school time, etc., and try every means to improve their children\’s grades. Whether this approach is effective depends on simply improving children\’s short-term performance. It has a certain effect. I have a question. Have the parents who asked these questions seriously thought about why their children don’t like to study and why they don’t study well? Most parents don\’t start to notice that their children don\’t study well or don\’t like studying until they are in the second or third year of junior high school. They only become anxious when they face the high school entrance examination at this stage. Cultivating children\’s interest in learning is a long-term process, and you should pay more attention to it from the day you go to school. Every time I pay attention, I don’t just focus on the results, but analyze my own children. Are you interested in learning? Do you reject learning? What are the reasons for good or poor academic performance? What can you do to help your child improve his interest in learning? Little by little discovery, little by little correction, the child gradually develops a certain habit and finds his own method, and parents will be much more relaxed in the future. Only when the high school entrance examination or college entrance examination is about to take place do you realize that you are anxious. No matter how much money you spend or how many cram schools you attend, you will not be able to turn the tide. 3. Understand what it means to truly go all out. During the critical period of learning, many parents use man-to-man tactics to eliminate all entertainment for their children. They feel that this way their children can focus all their time and attention on learning. In the play, Fang Duoduo was secretly picked up by her father because she was unhappy and went to the amusement park to have fun. Her father\’s student Zhou Jiacheng told her: You should have fun playing and studying. When you play, have fun, and when you study, study hard. This point has its scientific value. I once asked some adults whether exercising for an hour a day would affect your normal work. Some people think it will delay time, and some people think it will not delay, but will promote work. Interestingly, most of those who think it will waste time hardly participate in any exercise. And those who think it promotes work efficiency insist on exercising. A few years ago, I went to climb Mount Tai. The entire journey does not rely on cable cars, just climb up and down again. Due to lack of exercise, within a few days after returning, my legs hurt so much that I could hardly get out of bed. The week after I came back, I felt refreshed and very efficient at work. A person who insists on climbing mountains on weekends all year round said that if he climbs a mountain once a week, his spirit will be excited during the week and he will be extremely efficient in whatever he does. A moderate balance of work and rest, allowing children to have opportunities to play, will not affect children\’s learning, but can promote children\’s learning. For example, when studying is stressful, take a day on the weekend and let him have fun for a day. What he will gain after this cannot be offset by studying on this day. 4. Don’t be a supervisor, be a sharer. We often see this scene in TV dramas: At a certain construction site, there are always some supervisors with whips, shouting and urging, to prevent the workers from being lazy. From time to timeCrack a whip as a warning to others. Does this have any effect? ​​It definitely does. Everyone is afraid of suffering an immediate loss, so they can only grit their teeth and persevere. But the final result is often a short period of forbearance and silence followed by huge resistance. Without internal driving force, relying solely on coercion and inducement will have no long-term effect. The real winner is someone who knows both the cold and the hot, leads by example, and is truly supported and loved. In \”Little Farewell\”, the reason why Xiaoyu\’s grades improved significantly is that he saw hope and knew that if he worked hard for a while, he could achieve an attainable goal. Compared with taking the high school entrance examination, this goal was easier for him to achieve. . This is his internal driving force. Driven by this force, he changes from passive to active. With initiative, his performance will naturally improve. At this time, Xiaoyu and his father established an offensive and defensive alliance, and the two changed from opposition to teammates, and everything was no longer as bad as before. Children who can feel happy in learning will not have bad grades. As a parent, everyone wants their children to have a happy childhood and an adult that is not humble. If there is a conflict between the two, most parents choose to give up their children\’s happy childhood. When it comes to educating children, it is not about simply giving up and opposing each other, but rather establishing a balance between the two as much as possible. Being happy does not mean not working hard, and working hard does not mean being unhappy. This is a topic that we, as parents, have been studying and practicing for more than ten years.