Parents should be alert! Don’t let your child’s self-confidence be ruined by these 4 little things

When I picked up my children from school, I met a boy carrying a small schoolbag. He looked about three or four years old, that is, he had just entered kindergarten. He wanted to pee, so grandma led him to the base of a tree, helped him take off his pants, and pulled his private parts, and then said: \”Pee.\” One look at the little boy\’s unfamiliar posture, and she knew He was not trained to stand up to potty at home. As a result, the underwear and shorts were wet, and the child made a fuss to change into clean clothes. Obviously, the grandma was not prepared, so she began to accuse the child of being too stupid: \”Look how stupid you are. Haohao is four months younger than you and can still stand.\” You peed, you are three and a half years old and you peed your pants, just wear them wet!\” While scolding, he helped the child to pull up his underwear and shorts. After witnessing the whole process, I really wanted to say something to this old man: It’s not that the child can’t stand to use the toilet, it’s that you didn’t give him a chance to exercise. The timid look in the little boy\’s eyes reminded me of several friends who left messages for consultation in the background. Their children ranged from two to three to six or seven years old. The mother was worried that her children lacked self-confidence and were timid even playing games outside. She asked How can I make my children more confident? In fact, the reason for children\’s lack of self-confidence is mostly due to the wrong choice of parenting methods during their growth. 100% unconditional love, building the foundation of self-confidence. Parker wrote in \”The Road Less Traveled\”: \”When we love something, we will be willing to devote time to it.\” However, the busyness of work and the helplessness of life make many Parents have to leave their children to the elderly. When I go home at night, a lot of time is occupied by mobile phones or other electronic products, and I have very little time to spend with my children. In playgrounds, early childhood education centers, and airport terminals, we often see children playing while their parents look at their mobile phones. When a child makes a new discovery, he calls out excitedly: \”Mom, mom, look at this!\” It often takes three or four calls before the parents move their eyes from the phone to the child, and the child\’s mood has often cooled down. This kind of neglect will make children feel that \”I am not important in the eyes of mother/father\” and will affect the initial self-construction of their lives; if they cannot improve themselves, children will be more likely to be sensitive and have low self-esteem as they grow up. Therefore, when the child is still young, parents, especially the mother, must seize every opportunity to accompany the child wholeheartedly. Replacing Overprotection with Respect Before the second-child policy was introduced, most families had only one child. The six people, including mom, dad, grandparents, and grandpa, were all focused on one child, and all the child\’s food, clothing, housing, transportation, and food were all taken care of. . This can be seen from the fact that parents are more anxious than their children when their children enter kindergarten. Many kindergartens require children to dress and take off their own clothes. This requirement confuses 80% of parents. The vast majority of mothers in the mother group are saying: My child can’t put on a shirt, and can’t tell the front and back of his pants. What should I do about taking naps in kindergarten from now on? The teacher won’t really ignore it… Regarding this request, I There are also concerns that student Zhe, who has just turned 3 years old, has no problem putting on and taking off pants, socks, and shoes. Loose clothes can occasionally be put on and taken off, but well-fitting clothes can hardly be put on. In order to adapt to the new life, I can only throw him a shirt and practice more by myself while he is interested. From a little baby who doesn\’t understand anything, to one who can put his hands in accuratelyFrom the little baby in the mouth to being able to turn over, sit, and stand… all the children\’s skills are the result of countless practices. However, when the children grow up, parents often dress their children because they are too slow to dress. I feed them because they drop rice grains when they eat, and I hold them when they go out to avoid bumping into them. In the long run, while seemingly saving time and reducing the risk of accidents, it stifles children\’s ability to learn independently and causes them to lose many opportunities to build self-confidence. When you go out, provide your children with two pairs of shoes and two sets of clothes to choose from; if they actively ask to do housework, you can ask them to put the bowl in the right place; they are rushing to talk on the phone, and if their family members call, it doesn\’t hurt to let them say a few words. ; When traveling, you can let your children participate in the making of the plan… When respect replaces arranging, you will find that there are many unexpected surprises. Let heuristic guidance replace habitual accusations. While we over-do things for our children, we also habitually blame and teach them lessons for their failures. The grandmother at the beginning of the article was \”taking off and putting on pants for her child\” while accusing her child of \”staining his clothes even when he peeed\”. Mother Z is the best mother I have ever come across who knows how to guide her children. We went to an event together. My 2-year-old accidentally spilled some yogurt while drinking yogurt, so I planned to change into spare pants. The little girl with a strong sense of autonomy must change by herself. Although we had to be in a hurry, Z still handed the pants to his daughter and squatted there patiently waiting. Because they were leggings, they were a bit thin, and the child was sweating all over from running, so it was difficult to put the pants on. The child started to get angry after only putting on one leg. Z smiled and said: \”Mom knows that the baby is a little depressed, but last time you wore these pants, you only mentioned your knees, this time you mentioned your thighs, which is a great improvement. If you want help, mom will be happy!\” \”After being encouraged, the child\’s mood immediately changed. After his mother adjusted the direction of the other trouser leg, he tried again and successfully put on the trousers. What kind of scene would happen if Z made a last-ditch attack when his daughter was frustrated and said, \”I told you that we are in a hurry and have to show off, can\’t we put it on?\” To be honest, when I was a child, my mother often used hindsight like this, so I only wanted to tell my father a lot of what was on my mind. Don’t use percussive methods to stimulate your children. Many parents like to think like this: Other children can do it, why can’t my child do it? Therefore, many people have lived in the shadow of other people\’s children since childhood. Every child has their own specialty. Is it fair to compare a child who loves sports and a child who is super quiet to see who can sit still? When we ask our children like this: \”Look at someone else\’s child who scored 100 points in the exam, and you only scored 65 points, isn\’t it embarrassing!\” If the child says: \”Look at someone else\’s father who can afford a 200-square-meter house, we Why live in a small house of 60 square meters?\” What do you think? Children cannot choose their parents again, and we must not use the same standards to ask our children. Putting too much pressure on children will not only destroy their self-confidence, but will also be a farce asking for trouble. When a child is not as good as other children in a certain aspect, for example, when he only scores 60 points on the math test, we can just make progress next time. Look, your English is not over 90.Come and encourage them. Even if your grades are not good in all subjects, there must be strengths in music, sports, and interpersonal communication that can offset the frustrations caused in other areas. The ability to find one\’s own inner sense of value will be used by children throughout their lives. Life is a marathon, and children have just started. As parents who love them the most, we must constantly revise the photo patterns of ourselves and our children so that they can accept their own strengths and weaknesses, feel their own value, and then build a relationship from within. And the external self-confidence system.