No comparison, no harm!

Often inappropriate comparisons will always bring more or less harm, whether to others or to yourself. Parents like to compare their children with other people\’s children. Although the original motive may be to hope that the children can receive a certain degree of \”stimulation\” and strive to improve themselves, the reality is that comparisons not only easily make themselves \”unsatisfied,\” It will also cause harm to the weak minds of children, which can be said to be harmful but not beneficial. Let us listen to the following words of this junior high school student: I often don’t know what I am thinking or what I want? It seems that since I can remember, my parents have been constantly comparing others to me. Especially after every parent-teacher meeting, they will always keep nagging, saying how others are good and how I am not as good as others. I often think that since they think others are good, they should let others be their sons. Besides, it’s not that I don’t want to study well, I’m working hard, but why can’t they see my results? I don\’t even want to be home anymore, I hate everyone. Why can\’t they understand me… After reading the above paragraph, many parents must have realized that comparison will cause a lot of harm to their children, but parents often also have parental distress. Parents always think that their children They are no worse than other people\’s children. Why can\’t my own children do things that other people\’s children can do? Many parents even feel that they are not comparing those great people with their children. They also know that it is too unrealistic. They are just comparing themselves with the peers around their children and ordinary people. Everyone is a sound-minded person. If If your child always fails, then you think the child’s efforts are not enough. But there is only one first place. Are parents sometimes too demanding? Don’t have unrealistic and excessive expectations for your children. If you always ask your children to perform well and stand out everywhere, not only will it fail to achieve the results of motivating education, but this kind of education method will easily make children feel frustrated and is not conducive to cultivating children’s self-confidence. Heart. Over time, it will cause children to panic and withdraw when they encounter difficulties in their growth, causing harm to their psychology. In this regard, many \”bad\” parents are looking for more appropriate ways for parents\’ comparison habits. In fact, it does not mean that comparison is completely wrong. It is just that what you compare and how you compare is very particular. In the view of social psychologists, comparison has two important functions in a person\’s psychological development: first, to understand oneself. People understand themselves in the process of interacting with other people. Therefore, everyone uses others to understand themselves. To establish a self-evaluation system as a \”mirror\”; the second is to establish goals. People need to find their own life goals and direction of efforts in the process of comparing with others. This is also very practical for children whose minds are not yet fully mature. However, \”bad\” parents believe that reference groups play a very important role in understanding themselves and establishing goals. The so-called reference group is those people that people use as their psychological frame of reference. How to correctly establish an excellent reference group is the key to successful education for parents. For this reason, “bad” parentsIn order to avoid parents getting lost in blind comparisons, it is recommended that parents make comparisons in the following three aspects. The first is than ideal. Ideals are extremely important to both individuals and society. If a person wants to develop his potential and grow into a useful talent, he must have ideals. Biideal can promote children to set positive and great goals, strengthen children\’s sense of social responsibility and mission, and help children develop into people who contribute to society. Second, compare with education. In the information age and learning society we live in, we should pay special attention to the importance of education. Education is like a person\’s academic qualifications. It is the cornerstone and stepping stone for future development. It also plays a vital role in a person\’s development. Therefore, it is very necessary to appropriately compare and improve children in terms of education. Finally, than professional skills. As the division of labor in modern society becomes more and more refined, the knowledge and skills requirements for people in different professional positions are becoming more and more specialized. The cultivation of professional ethics, especially professionalism, can enable a person to play a specific role in a professional position. Therefore, the final development of a child is determined by the professional skills in the field in which he is engaged. As a parent, you cannot generalize your children. Instead of comparing with others, you should pay attention to training your children to become the best in a certain field. In addition, the \”bad\” parents also remind parents that no matter what aspect they are comparing, they should choose a high-level reference group, so as to serve as a good role model. In fact, parents like to compare their children with others, undoubtedly because they want to encourage their children to work harder and learn from good role models. Make greater progress. Since ancient times, the teaching of \”seeing the wise and thinking of others\” has exactly this meaning. Therefore, the trick for \”bad\” parents in this regard is to educate their children to take \”strive to change themselves\” as the correct guiding ideology. Educate children to look at the strengths of others. If a child can often think about problems in this way, his jealousy will slowly dissipate, and he will objectively evaluate himself and others objectively. So, as children continue to make progress, how should parents better express their sincere love? First, \”bad\” parents believe that parents should provide as many conditions as possible for their children to show their abilities. In fact, this is not complicated. Parents only need to pay attention to changes in their children\’s interests, whether outside or at home, and appropriately and reasonably increase \”software support\” based on their \”innate equipment.\” Once the child\’s strengths are determined, parents should also give a certain amount of strength and pressure to let the child learn to persevere. Slowly, in the cultivation of specialties, the child can establish self-confidence \”I have something different\”, which is very important for the child\’s development. Growth can play a very positive role. Secondly, \”bad\” parents will naively believe that their children are always the best, and always ask themselves to believe so. Many parents are too eager to see their children succeed. They seem to be unable to tolerate their children\’s temporary lagging behind or poor performance, and often put their impatience on their children. However, this often backfires. Therefore, smart parents must learn to appreciate their children. It should feel like your child is always the best and the best.Learn to think more about the benefits of your children, thank your children for the happiness and joy they bring to your family, scold or criticize your children as little as possible, and give them more appreciation and encouragement. Only then will they have the confidence to continue on the road ahead and ultimately achieve a wonderful life. Finally, \”bad\” parents must learn to look at their children with appreciation. Let\’s take a look at what the following example illustrates: Once, dozens of Chinese and foreign children took a test together. After the test, The children were asked to take the scores home and show them to their parents. As a result, 80% of Chinese parents expressed dissatisfaction after seeing their children\’s scores, while 80% of foreign parents expressed satisfaction. And what are the actual results? In fact, the performance of foreign children is not as good as that of Chinese children. This incident shows that many parents are used to looking at their children with a critical eye, while \”bad\” parents are not. They are used to looking at their children with an appreciative eye. Therefore, it is most important for parents to view their children with appreciation, teach their children to discover the strengths of others, and sincerely appreciate others. \”Bad\” parents have repeatedly reminded everyone that as parents, we must not compare the shortcomings of our children with the advantages of other people\’s children. If you often do this, your child will never be inferior to others. We must know our children correctly, be good at discovering their strengths and shining points, appreciate their strengths, and accept their weaknesses. Only in this way can children feel the support and love of their parents. The results of comparison are often worse, especially for children with rebellious psychology. If parents blindly compare, it will only make children feel rebellious and even doubt their parents\’ love for them. Therefore, parents should not only avoid comparisons, but also avoid other topics related to comparisons as much as possible. Parents should be good at understanding their children\’s temperament. In fact, most children in the sensitive period are \”submissive donkeys\”. Parents should praise them more. For example, if they want them to do something, say that they have done a particularly good job in this area. , it is worth learning from others, so that the child can have the passion to do what you want him to do.