The most important point in praising children is, parents, are you praising them correctly?

Xiaobo and Xiaoyu have just entered the sixth grade this year. They have been good friends since they were young, and their grades are almost the same. However, in the final exam last semester, Xiaobo\’s score was a lot higher than Xiaoyu\’s. Especially in mathematics, Xiaobo\’s score is twenty or thirty points higher. But how come the children who were almost the same before suddenly widened the gap? The reason actually lies in the way Bo Dad and Yu Dad praise their children. Both fathers will praise their children. What Dad Yu said was, \”My son is so smart! He gets high scores every time,\” but Dad Bo said, \”Son! You work so hard!\” Praise is actually a subject in college. These two seemingly identical praises are actually The difference is huge! If you don’t believe it, look down. Being \”smart\” makes children give up trying. Carol Dweck, a well-known developmental psychologist at Stanford University, has spent the past 10 years studying the impact of praise on children. They conducted a long-term study of 400 fifth-grade students in 20 schools in New York. In the experiment, they divided the children into two groups and asked the children to independently complete a series of intellectual puzzle tasks. During the first round of IQ testing. The test questions are very simple puzzles that almost all children can complete fairly well. One group of children received a compliment about IQ, that is, praise, such as, \”You are very talented in puzzles, you are very smart.\” The other group of children received a sentence about hard work, that is, encouragement, such as, \”You must have worked very hard just now, so you performed very well.\” Then, the children took the second round of puzzle tests. There were two tests of different difficulty, and they were free to choose which test to take. It was found that 90% of the children who were praised for their efforts in the first round chose the more difficult task. Most of the children who were praised for being smart chose simple tasks. It can be seen that children who think they are smart do not like to face challenges. Dweck wrote in the research report: \”When we praise children for being smart, we are telling them that in order to stay smart, don\’t take the risk of making mistakes.\” This is what the \”smart\” children in the experiment did. : Avoiding the risk of making a fool of yourself in order to look smart. In the third round of testing, all children took the same test. This test is very difficult, it is a first-grade exam. The kids all failed. But the two groups of children reacted to failure in vastly different ways. Children who had previously been praised for their hard work believed that failure was because they did not work hard enough. \”These kids were very engaged on the test and trying to solve the puzzle in a variety of ways,\” Dweck recalled. \”Several kids told me, \’This is my favorite test.\’\” And the kids who were praised for being smart thought , failed because they were not smart enough. They were always nervous during the test, scratching their heads and feeling frustrated when they couldn\’t answer the questions. Finally came the last round of testing, and the questions this time were as simple as the first round. The scores of those children who were praised for their hard work improved by about 30% on this test compared with the first time. But for those children who were praised for their intelligence, their scores this time dropped by about 20% compared to the first time. Dweck explained: \”Encouragement, that is, praising children for their hard work, will give childrenA feeling of being in control. Children will believe that success is in their own hands. On the contrary, praise, that is, praising children for being smart, is tantamount to telling them that success is not within their control. In this way, when they face failure, they are often helpless. \”When parents praise their children, they should specifically praise what they have done well. When praising their children, parents should specifically point out what their children have done well and what aspects they have made progress in. Children like sincere and informative praise. , specific praise will allow children to know clearly what they have done well, thus creating a real sense of satisfaction and a correct view of right and wrong. Give more encouragement to children when they are frustrated. When children are frustrated, they need more support and support from their parents. Definitely, let the child have enough sense of security. For example, when a child participates in a sports competition, winning or losing is not important. The biggest gain for the child through encouragement after failure is that he will be full of fearlessness and perseverance when doing other things. spirit. When praising children, your attitude and tone should be sincere. The attitude and tone of adults\’ praising children are sometimes more important than the content of what they say. When praising children, they must be sincere, come from the heart, and seek truth from facts. Children are very sensitive. Parents once Hypocrisy will make children no longer trust your words. Sometimes, a sincere look of love and a tight hug are worth a thousand words. Don’t praise in advance. Some parents will do something before their children do it. Say: \”I believe in you, you will definitely do a good job. \”If this appears to be encouragement and praise, it will actually increase the pressure on the child. Appropriate material rewards. When a child achieves great achievements in a certain aspect, appropriate material rewards can be given and can be agreed upon as appropriate; of course, if the When you promise good things to your children, be sure not to break your promise, start with yourself, and keep your word. More encouragement, less praise; more description, less evaluation, can prevent children from being kidnapped by praise, or being unable to lose, and resorting to unscrupulous means before achieving the goal. .