Master a principle and stay away from tyranny and doting

Most parents are troubled by one thing, including myself. I often wonder if I am too strict with my children? Did you spoil your child? Because in the process of raising children, rules are always set for the children, and enforcing the rules always requires a little toughness. Especially boys, they can\’t stop being aggressive without being severely punished. In addition, in the process of children\’s learning, it is not enough to be strict. I have always hoped that children will understand that learning is something that must be taken seriously. So when I complete the daily home study tasks with him, I will encounter situations where he is distracted. For example, when I was memorizing the Three-Character Sutra, I found it easy to read along, so I looked around, pulled my sleeves, and touched my toes. If this habit is brought to school, it will definitely not work. So I will ask him to sit upright and concentrate on reading and listening. The consequence of not being serious is that you simply cannot bear it when reciting. What should I do if I can’t bear it? Go ahead and read it a few times. If it still doesn\’t work, slap your palms and take responsibility for the distraction just now. Sure enough, after slapping his palm, he carried it away. A serious attitude towards learning requires this. The same goes for the rules in life. One day, the old man came to his home. I immediately said that I was too strict with my children and reading would exhaust their brains. If this is not allowed, then that is not allowed, and the children will not be happy! The old man\’s reminder is that he is afraid of being authoritarian towards his children, but he is not strict and is extremely easy to spoil. What are some ways to keep parents away from being authoritarian and doting? The answer is \”respect the child.\” Two seemingly simple words, but how much effort it takes! Because of respect, even if it is strict, it will not be authoritarian. Because of respect, even if you love, you won’t dote on you. How to love our children, there is a great poem that is worth reading by every parent: \”On Children\” – Kahlil Gibran \”Your children are not your children but the children that life desires for itself. They are through you They come, but not from you. Although they are with you, they do not belong to you. You can give them love, but you cannot give them thoughts. Because they have their own thoughts. You can shelter their bodies, but you cannot Shade their souls. Because their souls belong to tomorrow, to places you can\’t reach in your dreams.\” Only parents who understand this kind of parent-child love can truly respect their children. Respect children, even if they are strict, they will not be authoritarian. Many parents say they don’t know how to get along with their children. Because children are always disobedient. \”Be obedient\” is what many of our parents most expect their children to do. Strictness is a must when raising children. But strictness does not mean that children must obey blindly and be unconditionally obedient. Because a child who blindly obeys will never become a talent, but will look like an incompetent coward. If the individual independence of the child is not respected, parents will treat the child as their own property and an extension of their own body. I just hope that my children can be like my own hands and follow the instructions of their brain no matter how they move. Authoritarian parents will teach their children to be authoritarian. Parents who are authoritarian towards their children in the name of strictness for a long time will become \”tyrant\” parents. As long as the children don\’t listen, they will yell at them, even punch and kick them. As a result, the child\’s heart will also be full of resentment and learn from his father\’sMother\’s way. A friend from kindergarten once told me that there was a boy in their school who was very domineering. As long as a classmate in the class doesn\’t listen to him, he will scold that classmate. If the classmate is not convinced, he will take action. Once, he had an argument with a female classmate. As a result, he dragged the female classmate by her hair and walked towards the toilet. The female classmate screamed in pain. He also cursed, \”I want you to fight with me and not listen to me. I want you to go to the toilet and wake up.\” Fortunately, the teacher arrived and stopped him, otherwise the consequences would be disastrous. It turns out that the boy\’s father often beat his mother like this at home and often educated him like this. Whenever someone in the family doesn\’t go as he wants, he beats and scolds them, and even drags them under the tap. The boy was expelled from school the next year because his violent tendencies were too severe to be accepted in kindergarten. Such children are harmed by their parents. If a kind child is born into a violent and authoritarian family, his kind nature will be wiped out. The soul will be swallowed by the shadow and become a vicious and cruel person. Strict education must be carried out on the basis of respect. Don\’t think that your children don\’t understand anything when they are young, so ignore their little self-esteem. No matter what happens, make the decision for the child and monitor the child\’s behavior for fear that the child will make mistakes. Some parents also like to deliberately belittle their children in front of everyone, and even laugh at and criticize their various shortcomings. I have seen countless such situations, and every child who was scolded in this way eventually gave up on his pursuit. I remember when we were young, a few friends once tried to steal tea leaves from a tea mountain and sell them because they were greedy. Because the tea is privately contracted, the tea can be sold for 8 cents per catty, which can buy a lot of food. We have seven or eight children in total, the oldest is 9 years old and the youngest is 6 years old. Unexpectedly, when there were more people, the commotion became louder, but I never thought about how serious theft was, it was mainly because of greed. As soon as the tea garden owner came, everyone ran away. There was an unfortunate guy who dropped a shoe while running. Later, everyone went to hide in the mountains for a long time and returned home. That little friend’s shoes were returned intact. His father found out about this and immediately classified it as \”stealing\”. In fact, the tea garden owner was also kind-hearted. A group of little guys were just having fun and didn\’t take it seriously. They even gave the shoes back. But his father called him a thief in front of everyone. Seeing his face turned red, I didn\’t dare to lift it up. It can be felt that a child\’s self-esteem has been crushed by his father. What good outcome will there be for a child who has completely lost his self-esteem? Respect children, even if they love them, they will not dote on many parents. They will say that they respect their children, for example, they will be satisfied with whatever their children want! I almost didn\’t take off the moon. We all encounter times when our children act out. I remember that my son once had to eat a bag of candy before eating because I knew he would not eat after eating candy. So I didn\’t give it to him. As a result, he lost his temper and immediately lay on the ground and yelled, protesting to me in this way. At this time, grandpa couldn\’t stand it anymore, so he quickly brought some candy and said to him, \”Get up and give it to you.\” I didn\’t say anything at the time, but II know the little guy wants to control us like this, but of course he won this time. But I understand that love cannot be indulged or compromised easily. If he gets a taste of it this way, he will definitely do it next time. But that time I discussed my thoughts with the old man, and he also thought what I said made sense. Sure enough, the next day he tried to get toys through this method again. This time he cried even harder, but the old man went to his room. The result, of course, was that he didn\’t get what he wanted. I want him to understand that nothing can be solved by crying. Many parents told me that their children have bad tempers. When they are angry, they will lie on the floor and roll around, and even beat themselves on the head. The child really touches the heart of the parents. Whatever you care about, I will destroy it. A mother said that her child is now 12 years old. When she was a child, she felt that her child was small and relied on him for everything, without giving any thought to education. Unexpectedly, the child\’s temper grows faster than his height. He often gets angry at his elders, talks dirty, and plays games outside all day long. He is a \”little bully\” that no one can control. If someone said a word, he would say ten words back. Hostile to all family members and even dissatisfied with society. If parents knew earlier: indulgence is not respect, and doting is not love, this would not be the case. Respect is a mutual feeling. Parents must understand their children, try to squat down, think more from their perspective, and protect their children\’s self-esteem. A parent who respects his children will also teach his children true respect. And respect is a great kind of parent-child love: neither possessing nor being possessed, respecting each other, leaning on each other, loving each other, and being independent of each other.