If a child is hit, should you teach him to hit him back?

Do you love your children, or do you care about face? The Beijing school bullying incident has brought up an old topic again, whether to teach children to fight back. Teaching children to fight back is of course the correct logic. But the reason why this issue worries thousands of parents is because it has poor operability and is often just wishful thinking on the part of parents. More than once, I heard parents reprimanding their children on the road, \”Why don\’t you hit him if he hits you?\” Usually, the children who were scolded would follow their parents with aggrieved expressions on their faces, wiping tears as they walked. This child, who was the most correct, innocent, and most in need of comfort in the whole incident, was beaten outside and scolded by his parents at home. How can you give him the confidence to beat him back next time? When parents severely question their children, why don\’t you fight back, they should also ask themselves, do you love your children or your own face more? Every child is born with a personality. Some children are born to fight and some are not born to fight. Being unable to fight is often due to psychological factors and has nothing to do with whether you learn Taekwondo or not. Even children who can fight face a more serious problem, whether they can fight or not. When parents say to their children, \”If he hits you, you hit him,\” in fact, they have already assumed a position that their children can beat them and can take advantage of the confrontation. When my brother just transferred from another place in junior high school, he was bullied in the class. His father told him that if others hit you, just hit him. It would be useless to sue the teacher. As a result, one time, my brother came home with a bruised nose and a swollen face. My dad asked him why he was fighting. He said that others hit him first. My dad went to school angrily. As a result, the teacher said, your child also beats other people\’s children, so I can\’t blame your child just because he didn\’t win. My dad came back very humiliated and called my brother a fool who would beat me even if I couldn\’t beat him. It would have been more reasonable to just sue the teacher directly. My brother cried at that time, with a confused look on his face like \”It\’s too complicated in the city, I want to go back to the country.\” A single rule can never cope with the complex world. If you decide to educate your child to hit him when others hit you, you must be mentally prepared for two things at the same time: your child may be beaten even worse. Your child may become a brawler and actively bully others. When children discover that fists can solve many problems, they will definitely be unwilling to follow the rules. This is human nature. I interviewed a child psychologist, and she said that many children who cannot hit others are because they suffered a disadvantage when they were very young. Not fighting back is actually a self-protection mechanism activated by children after they suffer a loss. Don\’t underestimate your children. This is their choice after weighing the pros and cons. Parents who blindly force their children to fight back will make their children feel even more inferior and entangled once they encounter stronger resistance. When parents force their children to fight back, the child\’s inner OS is likely to be: If you can beat me, don\’t hit me. Do you think I\’m stupid? Many parents are also aware of this problem, so they take their children to learn Sanda and Taekwondo, and strive to let their children win with every move. I pity all the parents in the world, but what if your child meets a martial arts champion? Single rules can never cope with the complexity of the world. As a parent, on the basis of respecting the nature, personality and choices of children, we must provide them with a broader direction of thinking. Support your child\’s choices. If you want your child not to be a coward, you don\’t have to get angry every time he is bullied.To put it bluntly, if he hits you, why don\’t you hit him? Blaming will only make the child more cowardly. Instead, he supported his decision and told him that solving the problem without violence is worthy of praise and that being a civilized child is not shameful. The second step is to tell your child that fighting back is the right choice because he violated you first. The third step is to let the child know that if he does not fight back, there are other ways to avoid being hurt. When a child is bullied, parental support must come before guidance, and support is even more important than guidance. You need your children to trust you and be willing to tell you what they really think. Many school bullying incidents are only known to parents when they get out of hand because the children are unwilling to tell their parents. My deskmate in junior high school did not do well in studies and was always bullied by the boys in the front row. I asked her why she didn’t tell her parents. She said that she had told her before that her parents scolded her for not studying well and that she deserved to be bullied, and that she would be beaten for being a coward. Then they went to the teacher to make trouble, saying that the teacher was snobbish and unfair. \”Tell them, it\’s not troublesome enough.\” I remember her helpless look at that time very clearly. Things in the world are unpredictable, and children must go through their own ups and downs before they can grow up. The best protection parents can give their children is unconditional support and affirmation: No matter what choice you make, I will be on your side. It\’s fine if you don\’t fight. The child psychologist I interviewed has a child who is not tall and doesn\’t know how to fight. She said calmly that in a family like ours, it is difficult to educate children who can fight. We must accept our fate. When the child was two years old, she helped him set ten house rules. Regarding whether to hit you back, the family rules say this – \”If a child hits you, it is correct to fight back or not to fight back. Your principle is to protect yourself. In addition to fighting back, other options are: 1. Run away immediately , stay out of his attack range; 2. Tell an adult who can help you; 3. Call for help loudly, your loud voice may scare him away; 4. You can also tell him, I have a new toy, if you don’t hit me , I will let you play.\” Her son is now in primary school. He is still small and cannot fight, but he is very smart and knows many ways to deal with aggressive children. \”Parents always hope that their children will be Huang Feihong, but in fact, in the face of attacks, running fast is also a skill. Compared with one\’s own safety, face, money, winning or losing are not important.\” Obviously, she thinks of this son who can\’t fight. We are proud of it and firmly believe that the best education parents can give their children is to let them protect themselves instead of fighting for victory or defeat. Those parents who advocate fighting back want their children to protect themselves, but they ignore one issue. To protect themselves, emotional intelligence and self-confidence are more useful than violence. Protecting your child\’s self-confidence is more important than forcing your child to fight back. I hope we can become parents who not only support our children to fight back, but also treat children who don’t know how to fight with a calm attitude. It doesn\’t matter whether you hit or not. What\’s important is that you protect your child\’s self-confidence, support him, and defend him. Don\’t let him be bullied outside and be blamed when he comes home. Protecting your child\’s self-confidence is more important than forcing your child to fight back. When we decide to guide children to face aggression, we must provide them with more choices and let themTo judge, understand, and grow. Ultimately, your child should become a flexible, confident and brave person, rather than someone who is obsessed with winning or losing and who recognizes that fists are the only truth.