This kind of expectation will harm your children

A few of us middle-aged women were having a party and having a good time. Sister Ping suddenly dropped her chopsticks and ran out to answer the phone. I answered the phone for a long time, and when I came back, I looked very unhappy. We asked her what happened? She said angrily: \”Xiaolei\’s teacher took a mock test, and she only got 77 in math, and she was 18th from the bottom of the class.\” I asked, \”How many people are there in their class?\” \”There were originally 40 of them, but last month There is a student who has immigrated. I don’t know if he will be compensated.” “Even if there are 40 people, being ranked 22nd is no better than being ranked 18th from the bottom. Isn’t it much nicer?” Sister Ping shook her head while scrolling through WeChat, “22nd is also assigned to the bottom half. It’s my child. The teacher who tutored Xiaolei went abroad during the summer vacation. I was busy and didn’t look for him again. I’ve only hired so many in the past two months. Oh my, this child really doesn’t make me worry.” Sister Ping started her mother’s complaint mode and said, There was no food to eat, and the lunch gathering turned into a gathering of mothers complaining. Jingjing said that her son is 5 years old and naughty and hyperactive. From the time I entered kindergarten, the teacher called me every three days to complain. She read in the book that hyperactive children needed to burn off excess energy, so she enrolled her son in Taekwondo and took her children to classes in severe cold and hot weather. The kindergarten teacher continued to call and complain. It turned out that he only pushed other children. After learning Taekwondo, he actually started to fly up and kick others. It’s really hard to be a bear parent, you have to have a very strong face and heart. At the company, I was just being trained like a grandson by my boss, and I had to nod and bow down to the teacher on the phone and keep saying, \”I\’m sorry.\” There was a parenting expert giving a lecture, and you could consult on the spot. Even though the price was high, she still signed up actively. After listening to this, I paid several hundred yuan for one-on-one consultation to discuss my son\’s problems. The expert\’s conclusion is: every child is always an angel, and every parent is a representative of wrong integration. All children\’s problems are reflections of their parents\’ inner problems. Before correcting your child, correct yourself first. In the end, the solution given by the expert was: \”Focus and be patient.\” She said with a sullen face. I covered my mouth desperately to prevent my coffee from spitting out. \”Every word is precious. I don\’t need an expert to tell you.\” There is a saying: \”A husband is someone else\’s good thing, but a child is one\’s own good thing.\” All of us are deeply doubtful about this? Has this person ever raised a child? Or am I the unluckiest mother in the world? How come other people\’s children are all well-behaved, sensible, obedient, love to learn, and are top academics. How come when it\’s my turn, I turn into a naughty, trouble-making, and inattentive problem child? Mothers all over China have probably read the parenting book \”A Good Mother is Better than a Good Teacher\”. I read it many times when I was a new mother. What impressed me the most was not the parenting methods worth learning, but Yuanyuan’s education, which was as easy as eating melons. Why are my children so good? How do you know how to make progress? Why is it so easy? When I first read this book, Sidi was only a few months old. Take care of your children as early as possible so that everything can be done in time. I decided that I would work hard, be cooperative, calm, and understated to develop Sidi into an outstanding \”Yuanyuan\”, which would save me worry and effort, and make me happy and glorious. I read various educational theories, trying to find the simplest and easiestThe loose shortcut. But in fact, I worked hard for seven years. Although Sidi is an obedient and well-behaved little girl, she sometimes loses track of things, sometimes doesn\’t pay attention in class, and never does her homework when she can watch TV. Later, I gave birth to my second child, Zimi, who was a naughty and unruly little girl with a distinctive personality. If she suddenly becomes extraordinarily obedient, there is only one possibility, that is, she is covering up a bigger mistake. One time, the two children made a mistake again. After the scolding, they each went back to their rooms and faced the wall. As a mother, I am full of frustration. In despair and disappointment, I read \”A Good Mother is Better than a Good Teacher\” again. Then he went to ask Du Niang while eating sour grapes. According to the year in the book, Yuanyuan should have graduated from college a few years ago, because I really want to know how successful a child like Yuanyuan will be when she grows up? After looking at it for a long time, I didn’t see why. In fact, it’s not just Yuanyuan. Domestic education seems to be undergoing an orogeny in recent years. Every once in a while, a top student will emerge. Peking University, Tsinghua University, Cambridge, Harvard, or any of the world\’s famous universities all have Chinese top students. Speaking of \”students\”, everyone is envious, jealous, and jealous. Especially for someone like me, who is relatively a \”stupid student\”, the first thing that comes to my mind is not: \”Wow, you are a top student, you can look up to the mountains.\” The first thing I think of is: \”Wow, you are a top student, what about now? What about the future? What else is there?\” The life of a top student must be awesome, right? The path to becoming a top student must be the Yangguan Avenue, glittering with gold, right? The trajectory of a top student must be skyrocketing, right? After graduating from a prestigious university, you must have an annual salary of at least one million to become a leader, right? In fact, all the \”taken for granted\” things that are taken for granted in the world are all blind obedience to \”taken for granted\” without thinking. I also went to Du Niang to check a few top academics that I remembered. To my surprise, there were even people who just got a bachelor\’s degree, then worked, got married, and fell into the mortal world. When Sidi was four years old, I sent her to study English. Among the children in the same class, a few could count to 20 and most could count to 15, but Sidi could only count to 11 every time. On Saturday, I counted for an hour like Sidi Dou Fa. Lu Zhonghan came over and asked: \”How many readings does the teacher require?\” I said: \”10, but some students can read 20. I don\’t ask her to read 20. Make a compromise and read 15.\” He shook his hand and said : \”STOP! English is her third language. Let those children who have reached 20 years old also learn French.\” That\’s what he said, but how did he understand the mother\’s heart? We always hope we have the best children in the world. No, there is no best child in the world, only children who are better than the best child. \”Most\” is a comparative adverb. When we come to a conclusion, we always compare our children with other children in every aspect and every detail. When our children are better than others, we feel very beautiful and can let go of this since we have the advantage; but when our children are worse than others, we feel restless. The spirit of the Olympics translated into Chinese is \”the winner is king\”. Whether it is China\’s current elimination-oriented education system or China\’s extremely anxious parents, the result of a two-pronged approach has promoted the short-term effects of China\’s education and urgentlyAlmost utilitarian. Is the word \”xueba\” the same as \”puppy love\” and only exists in Chinese? For example, there are no grades in primary school in France, and there are final grades in middle schools, but this must be the average score of several tests and assignments. Starting from kindergarten, children\’s report cards are the same as adults\’ pay stubs. They are a very private matter. Teachers give them directly to parents and never make them public, and they will not be ranked. Students and parents cannot compare with others. Without explicit indicators, competition will not be so fierce. I once exchanged a question with the principal: \”How much impact does a child\’s performance in school have on life?\” The principal told me that the French Ministry of Education has established a project on this topic and is conducting long-term follow-up research. The conclusions obtained so far indicate that there is a certain relationship between academic performance in school and professional responsibility in society, but it is not as inevitable as we imagined. At this stage, the education system in each country is different. If you want to study well, in addition to traits such as intelligence, hard work, and concentration, there are actually certain rules and tricks. Once you master the rules, this can help you move forward faster. Good academic performance can ensure that children enter better universities and are more likely to be hired by large companies. Their lives are relatively guaranteed and stable. But once you start working, the impact of learning advantages slowly weakens. Because the qualities and abilities required to stand out in society and take exams in school are not exactly the same. In fact, being able to make achievements in society is \”successful\” in our usual sense. Except for a few people who are born with talent and are excellent at everything, most of them perform only mediocrely in school, but have stamina. s student. Students who perform too well in school often feel that it is unfair and fall out of the pyramid because they cannot adapt to the different methods and systems for evaluating excellence at work and that defined by school. As a result, their performance is mediocre. I believe that \”Yuanyuan\”, a good boy from other people\’s family who is naturally carved without any effort, must exist, but I guess it exists in the form of a Mark Six lottery jackpot, something that can be encountered but not sought. Even if I don\’t win the Mark Six Lottery, I can have a wonderful life. Every child is a unique treasure, each with different qualities. If other people\’s children are good, it\’s because we are far away and don\’t see other people suffering hardships and working hard. Other people\’s children have become top academics, but not every top academic can become president. Children always grow up with their parents\’ vision, and having a parent who is constantly picking on their own shortcomings will make the children feel ashamed. Don\’t compare your children with others. It\’s meaningless. No matter how good other people\’s children are, they are not yours. Don\’t compare your husband with others, that\’s meaningless. No matter how bad your husband is, it\’s still yours. We read thousands of books, but we walk our own way. It has nothing to do with us whether other people\’s top academics, other people\’s poor academics, become dragons or phoenixes. Don\’t let your expectations hurt your favorite child. Believe in yourself and your children. What children need is the trust and encouragement of their parents.