Parents, please don’t say this, it may hurt your child’s life.

Recently, I watched a variety show, and the general idea was that a child disobeyed her parents\’ arrangements and then married a husband who was not decent in the eyes of her parents. As a result, parents blame their children desperately and feel that they have raised their children in vain. The expression of disappointment and even despair on the part of the parents really made it feel like they wanted to set their daughter back 20 years and not have this child. \”I raised you to have hope for the future.\” Then, the guest\’s words made the scene calm again. He said that if parents love their children when they are young, they hope from the beginning that they can be equal in the future. To repay love is not love, but a transaction with time. When the guest finished speaking, the parents did not say any more. \”I raise you so that you have something to look forward to in the future.\” Most parents in China, including people of our generation, always have the idea of ​​\”raising children to protect them from old age.\” Common sense says there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own selfishness. They just hope that when they are unable to settle down properly, a close relative will tolerate and support us, pamper our increasingly inflexible limbs, and cherish our old appearance. , tolerate our unclear minds. This person is the child. However, we also need to understand one thing: your hope in life requires your own efforts, not the efforts of your child; and it is her right to not go in the direction you want. Two years ago, a reader wrote me a letter. This was the first time I felt that having children was, in the eyes of parents, a bet for future happiness. She said she didn\’t want to get married at all. However, he still reached the age where his mother forced him to get married. And the object of her mother was not what she liked. When she was in college, her mother told her that all the glory of the family and the good life in the future rested on her daughter. Therefore, when choosing a boyfriend, you must choose one whose family is rich. In addition to making yourself comfortable in the future, it can also help them as parents live a good life. The girl said that every time her mother told her, \”We worked hard to raise you so big, you must live up to your expectations.\” She wanted to cry. She said that with her head full of white hair and vicissitudes of face, she always felt like she was I owe a lot to my parents. However, love is never a transaction. The girl went behind her parents\’ back and still had her own boyfriend. Why do you say it\’s behind your parents\’ back? Because the boy\’s family background is indeed very ordinary, a working-class family. His mother is a housewife and his father is also an ordinary employee. The girl dared not tell her mother that she already had a boyfriend. Her mother didn\’t know until one year when her boyfriend said he would surprise her by visiting her city during the summer vacation. When her mother heard this, she became furious and said, \”Break up with him. Do you have a future with him?\” We have raised you so much that we cannot let you get married casually like this. So, that night, with her mother by her side, the girl gave her boyfriend a breakup call. That summer was the most fearful and coldest summer for girls. After working, the girl returned to her city, and her mother began to go on blind dates with her photos every day. The blind date was from a very wealthy family.Okay, but the condescension is clearly felt. But my mother doesn\’t care. She thinks that marrying someone rich and powerful is the best arrangement. To be honest, those children of powerful people also have their own plans. It doesn\’t matter to her, anyway, blind dates are just a market, and they go around and around. You don\’t have a crush on me, and I don\’t have a crush on you, so that\’s okay. As for her mother, while maintaining her own face, she still tried to set up many lines for her. Finally, her mother was excited to discover that there was a boy who was very crazy about her daughter. At this moment, she was like a ship that had finally landed, persuading her daughter to get married no matter what. \”I raised you so that I would have hope for the future.\” \”Every time my mother said this, I would tremble with fear. I later resigned because I had no way to work, and I would sometimes be absent-minded at work. I I am 31 years old this year, but I still want to marry the person I like.\” I said, you should marry the person you like. You don\’t have to use your own happiness to repay your parents\’ kindness. She later suffered from depression, and she recently sent me a message to talk about getting better. Plan to go to work again. I raised you because… This is the most invisible harm that parents can do to their children. You inadvertently let them know that the world has always been an exchange, even the best family ties. Good parents are very clear-minded and will not impose their own desires on their children at will, let alone let their own happiness be carried on their children. And good parents also understand that the purpose of raising a child is not to live a life that they cannot strive for in the future, not to let the child\’s glorious ancestors become their capital to show off everywhere, not to maintain the dignity and glory on their own faces, but to When you are young, there is someone who can make you mature and stable; there is someone who can make you responsible and strong; and when you grow old, there is someone who can talk to you occasionally, support you occasionally, and sometimes not help you. Lonely. My parents rarely put their hopes in me. So until now, my parents still refuse my request to improve their living conditions. Although I know that they have the ability to change their lives, it is just because they are really reluctant to leave such a good place and have a nostalgia complex that makes them unwilling to leave the place where they have lived for more than 20 years. But I also know that they are in a certain sense. Since I was young, I just hope that they will become the place in my heart that I can always rely on. In my childhood, I never heard \”I raised you to…\”. So, I married Lao Chen, a child who grew up in the countryside, and they never said anything. In their hearts, they don\’t need any dignity, they just need their children to be happy, that\’s enough. Don\’t tell your children that I raised you to protect you from old age and to live a good life. Or be a decent parent in front of your child. You can earn her everything she wants decently. Let her know that all your parents\’ efforts don\’t require you to sacrifice yourself for us. Walk with her decently. Spring, summer, autumn and winter, and then I went through the vicissitudes and glitz of the years with her, and I said happily, it\’s great, we have all grown up.We should have our own dignity, and children should also find their own happiness. Don\’t let your children sacrifice their happiness and right to choose for you. This is giving yourself the most basic dignity and giving your children the best future.