If you don’t want to destroy your child, please do these five things

After little October was born, like many parents, I couldn\’t help but worry about how to protect him and not destroy him. Later I discovered that if you want to give your children a good education, the first step is to educate yourself well. What does it mean to educate yourself well? It is the ability to renew itself. If you always stick to your own concept of one-third of an acre, and always think \”I\’m not wrong\”, \”What\’s the point in teaching children\”, \”Adults treat children like this\”, in a closed cognition, You live your life unconsciously, habitually criticizing, habitually insulting, and habitually not treating him as a human being. You have no idea that he is suffering all your evil. Then, you will pass the poison that your parents put on your body and mind intact to your children. Education is by no means a decisive decision, a loud slogan, or an immediate method. On the contrary, it requires you to feel uneasy, pause, hesitate, or even be incompetent for a few times. This can actually win more possibilities for your child\’s growth and health. Because \”weak\” is better than \”tough\”, and \”feeling at a loss\” is better than \”saying nothing\”, which can make you realize that your child is a person and you are an eternal student. Also, you must love yourself. In the process of raising little October, the most profound thing I learned is that only when adults love themselves can they love their children. Otherwise, \”love\” is a hypocritical and empty slogan that can only float around and allow adults to beautify and move themselves, but cannot truly bless their lives. If you love yourself, you will know how to use wisdom and reason to keep yourself from being embarrassed, stay away from poverty, ugliness, and evil, strive to be rich, beautiful, and kind, realize your ideals, and be as happy as you can. If you are happy, your children will naturally be happy. And this kind of happiness is the real nutrition. It can nourish his body and mind more than a tube of imported milk powder costing 1,000 yuan or a high-end early childhood education class costing 1,000 yuan. Many parents always feel that they are having a hard time, and when a child is born, they should let the child honor their ancestors and bring glory to themselves. In this way, as soon as the child is born, he will be burdened with debt. If you press him every day and every year, how can he be healthy and happy? Love yourself, so be responsible for yourself. No matter wealth, ideals, or happiness, it has nothing to do with your children. This is a golden rule that every man and woman who is a parent must recite 1,000 times a day. The third point is that you don’t need to be too nervous, and you can even be a little more “brainless” to pursue your life. Nowadays, many parents are frightened by psychology books. They are afraid that if they are not careful, they will make their children suffer, suffer, suffer, be depressed, tense, anxious, and suffer from hemiplegia. Oh, a good child is ruined like this. I am a sinner. Therefore, many mothers will give up their careers and ideals to take care of him meticulously. I admit that childhood has a huge impact, but such sacrifices often outweigh the gains and can easily form a pathological symbiotic relationship. This is the reason why many children grow up to become giant babies or mama\’s boys. Because you have been \”indistinguishable from me\” with him since you were a child, and you have become a pathological community, so that any outsider, including your son-in-law, daughter-in-law, and outsiders who do not agree with you, are all dangerous enemies and must be eliminated by all means. Rather than following you like a shadow and taking care of you like a hen, what your children need more is a person who understands boundaries, knows how to advance and retreat, and is gentle.A mother who is persistent and enterprising. Furthermore, the development of a person\’s character is the result of many factors, including education, friends, love, marriage, career, reading, thinking, and all kinds of indescribable things… Family is not the only law of cause and effect. Susan Sontag said: \”Our relationship with ourselves is not a relationship of identity, but one of mutation, creation, and innovation. Staying the same is really annoying.\” Relax. Fulfill the nurturing responsibility of a mother, and then set a good example, so that he can naturally learn your strategies for coping with conflicts, your methods of getting along with others, your ambition to pursue your ideals, and your determination to persevere in a peaceful environment. And when he is drifting away from you, you only need to let him go gently, exit gracefully, wish him well on his journey, and tell him that you are his eternal support, no matter what he becomes, whether he succeeds or fails. , happiness or pain, you are loving him, and that\’s fine. Some mothers will tell their children: Baby, I love you, and I am willing to give up everything for you. wrong! Not only will you not be a blessing to your child, but it will make him feel overwhelmed. You have to tell him: you are you and I am me. I love you, but I won\’t lose myself because of you. And when you grow up, you should do the same to your mother. Parents are not a sacrifice, but a companionship. The fourth point is that you must be mentally prepared that your child will not be what you want. Some parents want their children to be successful when they grow up; more open-minded parents want their children to be healthy and happy; or else, they want their children to be friends… In fact, this is unlikely to happen smoothly. Parents who want their children to become elites are likely to end up with a child who just wants to sit on the side of the road and applaud. Parents who want their children to be happy are likely to experience constant pain, rebellion, provocation, conflict, and depression in their children. Parents who hope to be friends with their children may stop playing with you when their children are five or six years old. He has his own world and his more interesting friends, who can be with someone as old, stupid and boring as you. But knowing that hope will fail, you will liberate yourself. You will break away from your obsession and be able to watch its growth in peace, just like observing your potted plants. When it draws stems, you are happy; when it does not bloom, you are not anxious. Anyway, it will grow up sooner or later. It doesn\’t matter if it\’s a little later or a little more twists and turns. All children are unique. Since it is unique, it means that you have no way to preset it and no way to control it. There are indeed many education methods, but none is a master key that can solve all troubles and problems. It is better to format all the settings for your child, take more time (a little more, a little more), go home, squat down, lower your head, and listen to your child\’s voice. Perhaps, when you hear his heart, you suddenly realize that his world is so lush, orderly and full of fun, completely different from what you imagined. Finally, never forget to reason gently. Our little boy, October, is only two years old, and he is still unable to regulate his own behavior. But in fact, whenever he is willful, destroys things, or hurts people, as long as you insist on gentle reasoning, it will subtly seep into his cognition.. This process will be long, and he will never correct it just once. It\’s very possible that, after you have said this 18,000 times, he will still throw things or hit people, but you will inadvertently hear him say: Don\’t throw it, the glass is broken, cut your hands, don\’t…can\’t If you hit someone, it will hurt, and grandma will be sad… Let’s eat. If you don’t eat, you will be hungry. If you don’t grow taller, you can’t ride a horse… This is growth! Why are you so anxious? He is only two years old, not twelve, nor twenty. How can he not make mistakes? Then, please use all your wisdom to protect your patience, treat your child gently, and tell him when he makes a mistake. , why is it possible, why is it not possible. Some parents are very impatient and think that the parenting theories of mothers-in-law are useless, so they can just scold or beat them severely. Yes, rough beatings and insults will indeed make children fearful, frightened, and scared, and they will no longer dare to do this. However, 1. Violence is tolerated. Today, you slap him in the face and he becomes obedient. Soon, you will need to slap him twice before he becomes obedient. If this continues to escalate, you will continue to use violence to fight against him until Until you can\’t beat him. 2. All violence will come back to bite you. What you impose on your children today will be returned to you tomorrow. 3. When you begin to identify with violence, the process of destroying your child has already begun. Real education is slow and gentle. Like a tiger sniffing the rose, like the spring breeze entering the night, moistening things silently. It will not blossom and bear fruit with a thunderclap, nor will it be accomplished with a flash of golden light – we should be wary of all techniques that are effective immediately, because they will inevitably fail to withstand scrutiny and will inevitably cause endless troubles. In a hundred years of life, there is no need to compete for the short and long days. In this way, slowly, accompanying him to grow up, witnessing his little progress, and preserving an innocent heart for this world are not only merits for him, but also blessings for myself.