These are the three most taboo words to say to your children after the final grades come out! Every sentence is like a knife

In the past few days, the results of the final exams have come out one after another. Even the greetings to the parents around me are \”advancing with the times\” and full of \”games\”: \”Sister Chen, what a coincidence, you also come out to walk the dog. Your child is so Did you do well in the first test?\” \”Forget it, I got 25 in the math test. It made my teeth itch with anger! Is your child doing well?\” \”It\’s good, he has also regressed. I just gave him a lesson last night! He just got a score. Second, there is a difference of 10 points from the first place!” “…” Although everyone usually says that “grades are not the most important”, “just do your best” and “don’t be stressed”, in fact, no parent really doesn’t care about grades. . Especially when their children\’s grades are not satisfactory, few parents can be truly calm and often blurt out many harsh words. Although we have good intentions of \”hating iron but not steel\”, many words are actually quite hurtful, like sharp knives, leaving wounds in the children\’s hearts unknowingly. Be careful with these three sentences in particular: Why are you so stupid? This is the test every time! There must be many reasons why children fail to do well in exams, such as poor study habits, weak basic knowledge, and anxiety before exams… But we always ignore these specific reasons, and instead give children a general and incorrect label. : \”You are stupid\” \”You are ignorant\” \”You are naughty and don\’t study hard\”! It is impossible for ordinary children to be stupid, because the IQs of most children are almost the same. But parents who constantly scold their children as \”stupid\” and \”stupid\” appear to be very ignorant. They don\’t know how to analyze their children\’s learning, and they don\’t have the patience to do so. They just hope that scolding their children will make them \”do it without waiting for the whip\”. \”Fenho\”. This is actually laziness in education! There is a concept in psychology called \”learned stupidity\”: Many people are not born stupid, but they are scolded stupid by their parents and teachers. The words \”you are so stupid\” and \”you are so stupid\” that we blurt out are all doubts and denials of children\’s innate qualities, and have strong negative implications. After hearing these words, the child will get the message: \”I did not do well in the exam because I was born stupid. I will never catch up with those who are smart.\” Over time, the child will fully accept these negative hints and firmly believe that he is \”stupid.\” . When encountering a difficult problem, I give up after a little effort and find an excuse for myself: \”Forget it, let\’s not do this problem anymore. I\’m so stupid that I can\’t do it.\” At this time, you become really stupid. . Advice to parents: Let us not criticize our children at all. This is unrealistic. Everyone has times when they cannot control their anger. But when you criticize your child next time, please do not criticize the child\’s IQ, character, personality, or appearance. Be sure to focus on specific things, such as whether the handwriting is neat, whether the homework is planned, whether the work and rest are regular, etc. No one knows how to scold a child, but what the child really needs is for you to show him a way out. With such a score in the exam, do you still have the nerve to ask for a gift? When Youma was young, she went to the New Year Fair (the farmer\’s market during the Chinese New Year) with her mother. When passing by a stall, I told my mother expectantly that I wanted to buy a headband to wear during the New Year. As a result, my mother turned around and scolded me with a frown: \”It\’s useless to fail in the exam. Spend money more efficiently than anyone else! Help me carry the food.go home! \”During lunch, I suggested that my mother make a dish of sweet and sour pork ribs. My mother gave me a look: \”Greedy! Put your energy into studying and you will have passed the exam soon! \”That day, I was really sad. I couldn\’t understand, because I didn\’t do well in the exam, am I not qualified to ask for any gifts, enjoy any snacks, or even be happy? It\’s obvious that I just didn\’t do well in the exam, why do I always feel Is it as if I have committed a crime? Almost every time after taking an exam, my mother would scold me like this if I was not ideal. The low self-esteem caused by that guilt lasted throughout my childhood… tying \”rewards and punishments\” to learning, Giving rewards for good exams and penalties for failing exams is the longest and simplest method used by many Chinese parents. The effect is obvious in a short period of time. Children will study hard for a while just for a mobile phone and a travel opportunity. But as time goes by If it grows up, there are often no good results, because the \”reward and punishment system\” will seriously weaken the child\’s interest in learning itself. This year you rewarded the child 100 yuan, and if you reward the child with 100 yuan next time, the attraction will no longer be as attractive as the first time. When you are satisfied When you can’t teach your child, or when your child is not interested in your rewards, your child’s motivation to learn will come to an end. On the other hand, if your child is punished and ridiculed every time for poor performance, he will suffer from inner pressure, anxiety, and fear. It will also accumulate slowly, which can easily lead to boredom. Suggestions for parents: Rewards do not have to be material, and they do not have to be worth a lot of money. Applying for a fitness card as a family can also be a reward, and it can also urge children to exercise. Body; a set of classic children\’s books can also be a reward, taking the opportunity to cultivate children\’s interest in reading. The best reward is actually the recognition and affirmation of the child. Look at other people\’s XXX, if you can catch up with them just a little ! In everyone\’s childhood, there is a \”other people\’s child\”. He is more obedient than us, studies better than us, is more diligent and polite than us… and we can\’t wait to strangle him. The original intention of parents is to give Children set an example and take the opportunity to stimulate their children\’s motivation. However, when most parents envy and praise \”other people\’s children\”, they always reprimand, dissatisfy and criticize their own children. In the end, not only do they fail to set an example, It also makes children full of rejection and hostility towards \”other people\’s children.\” On the other hand, when children make mistakes or fail, they most desire their parents\’ tolerance and understanding. And this kind of repeated comparison can easily hurt the child\’s self-esteem, Self-confidence makes children feel inferior to others. Children who grow up with a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence will be affected in both work and love. Advice to parents: The greatest sorrow in life is to constantly compare with others and live in the presence of others. In the evaluation. Children have their own characteristics and their own pace of growth. Every bit of progress they have made in life is actually worthy of recognition and praise from their parents. If you really want to compare, you might as well compare your child’s today with yesterday. In contrast, helping children witness their own progress and shortcomings is also more conducive to the establishment of children\’s self-esteem and self-confidence. When children go to school, we always think that grades are everything, and without grades, there is no future. Only when children grow up do we realize that everything There is no healthy and happy successGrowth is important; no matter how excellent your grades are, they cannot make up for the regret of missing childhood; no matter how many awards you receive, they cannot replace the close relationship between you and your children…