The most suffocating family: mediocre parents who taste power in their children

The well-known blogger @王博文 has a doctorate friend whom he has known for many years. This doctor\’s parents are very strict with him. The distance between holding chopsticks, the style of clothes he buys, etc. must be in accordance with his parents\’ regulations and preferences. When he was in school, his mother would tear apart his extracurricular books, look through his drawers, read his diary, and never knock on the door when entering his room. When he achieves certain results, his parents will set higher requirements for him and like to compare his shortcomings with the strengths of other children. His parents have always had high standards and strict requirements for him, but they are very indulgent towards themselves. When they get home from get off work, they lie in bed playing with their mobile phones and watching TV, and receive a monthly salary of several thousand yuan. This doctor was diagnosed with cancer when he was 30 years old. When he learned that he had cancer, he breathed a sigh of relief and felt that it was a kind of relief and a kind of freedom. In life, there are always many such parents. They themselves are mediocre, but after they taste the power in their children, they start to control their children out of control. For such a family, what awaits them is destined to be a tragedy. I have watched a very satirical short film \”Umbilical Cord\”. The video is only 6 minutes long, but its meaning is very profound. When a mother gives birth to a child, she is reluctant to let the doctor cut the umbilical cord. By keeping the umbilical cord, the mother can control the child anytime and anywhere. When the child jumps in puddles and scribbles on the wall, the mother will pull the child back by the umbilical cord. Later, when the child grew up and secretly went out on a date in the middle of the night, the mother once again dragged the child back. In this way, the child is controlled by the mother like a puppet on strings for the first half of his life. After the mother passed away, the umbilical cord was severed, and the child was finally free, but by this time he had long lost himself. There are too many parents who control their children in the name of love and dominate their children\’s lives for the reason of \”I am doing it for your own good.\” But this kind of love is too full and too irrational. Dai Liu, a girl from Huanggang, Hubei Province, once became the top liberal arts scholar with a high score of 687. She applied for the college entrance examination to Peking University, but what she was waiting for was the admission notice from China University of Political Science and Law. It turned out that her father had tampered with her wishes without her knowledge. Dai Liu burst into tears and asked his father: \”Why did you change my will? Why didn\’t you even ask me?\” Unexpectedly, his father said with no expression on his face: Just because I am your father, I am doing it for your own good! For many years, her father has been controlling her life, and she must report to him first before doing anything. Just because she came home a little late from watching a movie, she was severely scolded by her father when she got home. In the father\’s opinion, his daughter does not have the ability to distinguish right from wrong and needs his help and guidance. All decisions he makes are for her future. What’s worth pondering is, does a mediocre farmer father really have the ability to guide his daughter’s life? In his junior year, Dai Liu couldn\’t bear it and applied for a full scholarship to study in South Korea without telling his parents, and he never came back. In this way, a family embarks on a tragic path, and can never look back. There are too many parents in this world who impose their own values ​​on their children without considering their needs and feelings. Psychologist Li Xue said: Wherever parents extend their controlling hands, children will beWhere to feel the pain. Controlling parents cannot raise happy children. Parents who have too strong a desire to control will only raise two types of children: one is resentful, extreme and rebellious, and is at odds with their parents, eager to escape from their parents\’ control. The other is cowardice, low self-esteem, no independent opinion, and extremely depressed inside. Sanlian Life Weekly interviewed a boy named Murong Fu. His mother installed a camera at home. As long as he didn\’t study, she would scold him when he got home. Every day before my mother goes out, she will tie a hair on the bookcase door. As soon as the door is opened, the hair will break. She would slip a note under the drawer where her toys were kept, and when she pulled it open, the note would fall to the floor. In order to fight against his mother, he didn\’t want to go home after school every day and rode his bicycle around the city. Later, he started skipping classes, cheated money to squander, and made friends with gangsters. When parents are controlling, their children\’s mental journey usually goes like this: initially obeying, then compromising in the middle, and finally resisting. When parents push their children to the point of no return, the children will develop a rebellious mentality and reject everything their parents do. One netizen shared that when she was in middle school, she had a very good friend who helped her a lot. But because her friend’s grades were not good, her mother decided to cut off contact with them. My mother also peeked at her diary: You just think about these messy things all day long, and that’s why your grades are so bad. She is not allowed to grow her hair long, wear skirts, or go out to play on weekends. It was only after she went to college that she discovered that she had no social skills at all, and she didn\’t know how to get along with her partner when she was in love. Whether it is the rebellious Murong Fu or the forbearing netizens, they have lost the most precious thing in a person: an independent soul. Controlled children have been pushed by their parents since childhood, and their independent souls have long since died. Psychologist Sylvia said: The truly successful love of parents is to let the child separate from your life as an independent individual as early as possible. The earlier this separation, the more successful you will be. The purpose of love is to help a child develop an independent personality, rather than making him dependent on his parents. Under the wings of parents, the children who will never grow up are always protected. In other words, parents who don\’t let go cannot raise promising children. Wu Zhihong once put forward this point of view: From birth to 1 year old, a baby and his mother are integrated. After one year old, the child slowly learns to walk, his dependence on the mother will gradually decrease, and he will begin to explore the world on his own. After going to school, he began to form his own circle and gradually became less close to his parents. The growth of a child is the process of slowly saying goodbye to his parents with their love. As parents, we should learn to let go and let our children become the protagonists on the stage of their own lives. We help them onto their horses and give them a ride. It is up to them to choose the road and pass the hurdles themselves. As the most outstanding physicist of our time, Chen Ning Yang does not require his children to follow an academic path. Instead, it adopts the educational concept of \”let go but not laissez-faire\” and fully respects children\’s autonomy. Each of the children of the Yang family makes his own decision on his own life path. The eldest son Yang Guangnuo is not interested in physics at all. He likes planning very much.Chen Ning Yang fully understands and respects his son\’s choice. The second son, Yang Guangyu, was even more \”deviant\”: he was first obsessed with chemistry, and then suddenly became obsessed with astronomy. He simply gave up his old profession of chemistry and switched to astronomy. The youngest daughter, Yang Youli, liked medicine and eventually became a Doctors Without Borders. During the growth of their children, Yang Zhenning and his wife always maintained an open attitude and did not interfere in their children\’s choices. It is precisely because of the respect and letting go of Yang Zhenning and his wife that their three children have achieved outstanding achievements. The true love of parents for their children is both protection and separation. The former gives the child enough love to move forward bravely, while the latter allows the child to become independent. So don\’t let your love destroy your child, let go firmly when it\’s time to let go, this is not cruelty but a kind of foresight. Hu Shi wrote in a letter to his son: \”I am not your prequel, and you are not my continuation. You are an independent individual, a soul different from me; you do not come because of me. You are here because of your desire for life. You are free, and I love you, but I will never control your life in the name of love. \”All love in the world is for getting together, only parents.\” Love is for separation. Being willing to let go and watch at a moderate distance is the true love for your children. Give it a thumbs up and encourage all parents.