When there is a conflict between children, take action when it’s time to take action

Two children were arguing over two purple-blue watercolor pens. Child A said the pen was his, but was snatched away by child B for coloring. However, he refused to return it and put another pen of the same type without water back into A\’s pencil case. B said that the pen was his and had always been his. He did not take A\’s pen. A\’s pen was originally dry. The kindergarten teacher said that it was free time and he didn’t notice them borrowing pens from each other. At that time, the two children were in a stalemate. One insisted on getting his pen back, and the other insisted that the pen originally belonged to him. A\’s mother tried to persuade her child to go home first. There is still a box at home, so bring one with water. But A is very persistent: No, I won’t go back, I will get my pen back. A\’s mother continued to persuade: Now there is no way to prove whether what you said is right or what he said is right. The teacher didn\’t see it and other students have left. Let\’s not get entangled, okay? You can come and ask other students tomorrow. B\’s mother stayed by her side and did not take any intervention measures. She said that the children\’s matters should be solved by themselves. A couldn\’t help crying, turned around, ran in and took out B\’s painting and said, look, he painted so many dots, blue and purple, gradually running out of water, getting lighter and lighter, he If you can\’t draw, come and get my pen. Look – he said while taking the pen with water on it to draw: If this pen was his, the color would not be so light! b shouted at this time: This sum is mine, it is mine. a said: Stop lying to others. The teacher finally returned the pen that belonged to A to him. The above is what really happened. Mother A and Mother B both choose to believe in their children when there is a conflict between their children, and they also believe in their children\’s ability to resolve conflicts. In this process, mother a tried to persuade her child, tried to comfort her child, and of course gave her child autonomy. She did not sit on the sidelines, but actively intervened. Of course, this intervention did not mean telling the child what he needed to do, nor did she directly act as a referee, telling the two children who was right and who was wrong. What needs to be appreciated is the problem-solving ability of child A. He found a way to prove that the pen belongs to him instead of rolling around. I believe that mother A must always encourage her children to solve problems. The method adopted by mother b is to believe in the child, and at the same time, she will never interfere and let the child solve the problem by himself. However, the child himself has been \”solving\” this matter for half an hour and still has no way to deal with it. The two children refuse to give in to each other. When conflicts arise between children, what should we do? Conflicts between children often seem trivial to adults. For example, in a group environment, when we line up, we have to fight for you to come first. You squeeze me, I squeeze you, and you accidentally push each other. Fighting for toys is also a common conflict. The toys in your own hands are never as good as others. It is common to cry and scream during the fight for toys. These conflicts seem to be really incomprehensible. Why don\’t we just line up? What does it matter who is in front and who is behind? Isn\’t it just a toy? It\’s almost the same. Why do you have to grab it? So when a conflict occurs, we will say, let them resolve the matter between the two children themselves. The way parents use itYes: No action, no opinion, no participation. This seems to be a very democratic and free approach. But in fact, it is an irresponsible behavior, not responsible for one\’s own children, nor for other people\’s children. If it is something that the children can handle, they should have negotiated and dealt with it long ago. If it is something that they cannot handle, forcing them to handle it on their own will not give them any kind of democracy and freedom. At this time, the child\’s heart also collapsed. Obviously he came to ask his parents for help, hoping to get some support. However, his parents did not respond and directly handed the control back to them. Parents, you still have to take action when it’s time to take action. It is not so absolute to let children resolve what happens between them. When a conflict occurs that exceeds their capabilities, we naturally need to take action. If the conflict between children is really very small and can be solved smoothly by themselves, then there is nothing to think about. Just don\’t intervene and just observe from the side. Of course, I think every parent will not ignore whether their children are physically injured in conflicts. If they are injured, they should intervene to stop or deal with it as soon as possible. If a conflict between children becomes deadlocked or exceeds their ability to resolve it, then it is obviously not appropriate for parents to just stand aside and watch. Positive and rational intervention will not hinder the child\’s freedom, nor will it invade the child\’s world. You can first listen to what the child has to say, and listen patiently to both sides. Coupled with the parents\’ understanding of their children\’s usual conditions, I think they should be able to make a rough judgment. Sometimes, the two children rush to talk about this or that. At first they blame each other, but they reconcile as before. Stalemates often occur. At this time, our handling method is particularly important. Although a water pen is not worth much, in the eyes of children, it may be a cherished thing. In addition, it is related to their sense of right and wrong. A pen is a trivial matter, but who owns it is not a trivial matter, but a basic fact. It\’s obviously A\’s pen, but B must take it. But if mother says at this moment: Isn\’t it just a water pen? Give it to him, and let\’s buy another box. This is not a good solution. Even if you want to give it to B, you need to first confirm whose pen it is, and then let the child choose to give it or take it back. Conflicts can be as small as trivial or as big as the child can\’t handle. Such as school bullying. If everything is left to the children to solve themselves, where will the effectiveness of parents be reflected? Of course I don\’t agree that no matter what happens, adults will immediately rush to protect their own children and blame other people\’s children. When you meet such parents or grandparents, you can clearly tell your children not to play with such children in the future. There is nothing wrong with this. Everyone can protect their children in their own way, but don\’t protect your own children and bully other people\’s children. When a conflict occurs and your child is obviously wronged, you can support him and tell him to stick to his own will and thinkFind ways to prove yourself and help him fight for it when necessary. I remember someone once asked me that her child would always cry cowardly when she had conflicts with others, which made her feel very bad. I asked her, how did you do it? She said, I scolded her for being so useless! Isn’t the mother scolding the child for his cowardice? Conflicts between children may be a big deal in the eyes of children. They may feel wronged, angry, trusted or betrayed. So, as a parent, don’t be a mere bystander.