Dong Qing and Zheng Yuanjie: When parents educate their children, is it better to be strict or tolerant?

A friend sent me this link, which is said to be the No. 1 website for parents’ true stories, and left me a message asking me what I thought of this phenomenon. The unit test results came out yesterday, and I only came in second place, so I was severely beaten! I don’t think there is much difference in IQ between children. The key lies in how parents manage and teach them. If you don’t force your children now, your children will hate you in the future and you will regret it. In order to prevent my child from falling behind, I started teaching elementary school courses to him in kindergarten. Now the third grader is already learning the sixth grade course. He can basically do the sixth grade test papers correctly. Basically every test in school is based on the grade level. First place. Mathematical Olympiad classes have also been taught to children since the first grade, and they are planning to register for classes at an institution next year. This time I asked the child why he failed in the test, saying that he accidentally did the last math question wrong. I checked and it was the same. It was impossible for the child to make a mistake on such a simple question. Today I leave it at that. If you don’t be cruel to your children, you are not a good parent! I couldn\’t help but think of two people: Dong Qing and Zheng Yuanjie. During the Spring Festival, \”Chinese Poetry Conference\” and \”The Reader\” were popular, and the family education of the host Dong Qing also became a hot topic again. Some articles have an obviously commendable tone, introducing various examples of how Dong\’s father has been strict with Dong Qing since he was a child. The implication is that it is precisely because of his father\’s strictness that Dong Qing is now successful. A few days later, some articles published opposing views. From the title, it can be seen that the author had opposing views on Dong’s father’s strict education methods. What “You only see a successful Dong Qing, but you don’t see how many people are behind him.” Articles like \”Unhappy Children\” are all over the circle of friends. Coincidentally, Zheng Yuanjie and his son were one of the guests in the second issue of \”The Reader\” with Dong Qing as the producer. Zheng Yuanjie is well-known for, in addition to his title of \”Fairy Tale King\”, he alone writes a magazine \”Fairy Tale King\” to this day, and another thing is his criticism of the educational phenomenon. According to him, neither his father nor he himself had experienced formal education. He himself dropped out of school after the fourth grade of elementary school. Among his early fairy tales, he once wrote a story that satirized school education, which impressed me deeply. It was about: In a class, all the obedient children grew rabbit ears (\”Taming the Rabbit\”). Judging from his growth process, his father should have been relatively relaxed in his education. At the scene of \”The Reader\”, he said that after he was expelled from school, his father said: It doesn\’t matter, my father will teach you when you go home. The growth model of these two people, in my opinion, is the ultimate in strictness and leniency. Father Dong was very strict with his children, to the extent that Dong Qing once doubted whether he was his biological child when he was a child. Father Zheng, however, was able to maintain a relaxed attitude and give warm support to children who were expelled from school. The same thing is, as we can see, both men succeeded! So, whose father should millions of parents learn from? In fact, our predecessors have long given us the answer, which is four words: teach students in accordance with their aptitude. There is also a famous saying in our education circles that there are methods for teaching, but there is no fixed method. The most important thing is to obtain the method. This is the method that teachers and parents should learn. It should be noted that the nine sons born from the dragon each have their own differences.On the other hand, everyone is an independent individual, so how can it be taught with an educational method that is universally applicable? Being strict can make you talented, and being lenient can also make you talented. The point is not whether you are lenient or strict, but how strict you are and how lenient you are. We Chinese have always been more accustomed to advocating strict education. As the saying goes, \”the stick produces filial sons.\” A few years ago, there was a book called \”Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,\” written by a Chinese-American who required that children\’s academic scores could only be A\’s. Pianist Lang Lang\’s father was also a strict father and once forced his children to jump off buildings. Are there any other stories about Peking University’s Wolf Dad that are circulating on the “Jianghu”? These children have achieved worldly success. In this sense, it is not wrong for everyone to respect and trust strict teachings. However, success is only the result, the process is something we cannot see. You can also achieve success in your career, but whether you are more happy or slightly depressed during the growth process, whether you are more confident or passive, should be inseparable from the education methods of your parents. In this sense, the article \”You only see one successful Dong Qing, but not the many unhappy children behind him\” is not wrong. The public only sees the dazzling Dong Qing today, but not many people understand her back then, her little self, her confusion, her inferiority, and her pain. I am a teacher, and at work I often complain that today’s parents are too doting on their children. But I am also a mother, and I am used to pampering my children in my life. So, in fact, the language of education should be full of diversity. Dote on your child when it\’s time to dote on it, so that it can feel the love of your parents; be strict when it\’s time to be strict, and let it know that there is no rule without rules. We have only seen the surface of the success of those celebrities, and we only know part of the tutors of those celebrities. We only see the strictness of Dong Qing\’s father, but we don\’t understand his love and care for her. We only know that Lang Lang’s father once forced him to jump off a building if he didn’t want to play the piano, but he ignored that his father accompanied him to study everywhere, attended classes with him, and helped him analyze other people’s styles. We only heard that Zheng Yuanjie\’s father could take such a big thing as his expulsion calmly. Don\’t forget that he asked Zheng Yuanjie to write \”persistence\” every time he made a mistake, without showing the same good intentions. Therefore, do not take quotes out of context, let alone generalize. Education is not that simple. It would be too simple if only strictness and beatings could make children successful. But education is not that difficult. Pay more attention, give more love, get closer to the children more, and squat down to listen more. Even if our children do not become famous and start a family, they will definitely have their own style!