Children quietly get better, starting from parents quitting these 5 speaking tones

There is a line in the American TV series \”The Big Bang Theory\”: \”It doesn\’t matter what your intentions are. What matters is how you make me feel.\” I think this sentence is also very suitable to describe the true feelings of many children in the parent-child relationship. Feel. Few people would doubt that Chinese parents care about their children. Unfortunately, many children never feel loved in their families. It is not difficult for us to find that the more love parents give, the more love children feel. When educating children, the truth that parents want to convey is often distorted by inappropriate ways of speaking. Especially if the tone is inappropriate, children\’s misunderstandings and hostility toward their parents often stem from their parents\’ unkind tone. Although the tone may sound trivial, it actually deeply affects the parent-child relationship. We often use these tones when talking to children. Children are increasingly reluctant to communicate with us. 1. Habitually ask, \”Have you seen my homework book?\” \”How do I know? You can\’t find it yourself?\” \”Is there anything to eat? \”Do you think your family owns a store?\” \”What were they talking about just now?\” \”You ask me, who am I asking?\” There is always an inexplicable hostility in the tone of the question, and the child can not only feel it. Even if you are not kind, you will feel ashamed of the questions you have raised. 2. Always impatient, \”Are you done yet?\” \”Can\’t you do it? You\’ll cause trouble for me!\” \”Are you annoyed? Eat quickly!\” We were friendly to outsiders, and when we got home, It\’s easy to lose patience when it comes to family members. As long as the children do something that doesn\’t meet our expectations and disrupts our rhythm, we can\’t help but get irritated and get annoyed. An impatient tone expresses a kind of disgust, saying: You annoy me. In fact, before children’s problems arise, our hearts are already filled with all kinds of stress, anxiety, and negative emotions. 3. Even if you comfort your children, you will always blame and say harsh words, \”You deserve to freeze to death for wearing so little!\” \”You didn\’t listen to me, so that\’s why you ended up like this!\” \”It\’s okay now, you\’re happy. Well…\” When a child needs help or comfort, our tone often reveals aggression. For example, when a child is injured, some parents feel extremely distressed, but what they say is: \”You deserve it.\” This kind of statement is unacceptable. Giving the child any feeling of being cared for will instead convey a clear-cut indifference: \”I warned you, but you didn\’t listen!\” Use the child\’s pain to prove your foresight. 4. Habitually taunting, \”Can you do it?\” \”You\’re the only one who can get the first place in the exam?\” \”I\’ve never seen anyone as stupid as you.\” Parents who often ridicule their children are often too arbitrary and one-sided in their evaluation of their children. They will think that the child is not good or that their motives are bad because of the child\’s past behavior, and they cannot make a fair evaluation of the child. This kind of ridicule is humiliating and makes the child feel helpless. 5. A condescending and commanding tone: “I’m right!” “I’m all for your own good, just listen to me!” “Try talking back again!” No one likes others to always use a commanding tone and a commanding tone. Speaking by yourself and in a condescending manner can easily arouse children\’s resistance. A wrong tone discounts all care in lifeIf we use the above unkind tone too much, no matter how much we usually love our children, it will be easy to \”discount\” our love. A message I received a few days ago: A young reader friend has just experienced unemployment. During this period, he is suffering from anxiety about finding a job. When talking to his father over a video, he felt very aggrieved when he mentioned this matter and couldn\’t help but choke up. Cry. The father in front of the screen was full of worry after hearing this, but in the next second, the worry turned into overwhelming anger: \”Look, what am I talking about? Let you graduate and go back to your hometown to develop, why are you messing around outside? Now I know Crying! You deserve it!\” Her father\’s words made her even more sad, and she hung up the phone angrily. Afterwards, her mother sent her a WeChat message telling her that her father was just being irritable but actually cared about her. Because he was worried about her, her father didn\’t sleep well for several days and even asked her mother to ask her if she had any money. This episode between father and daughter is familiar to many people. Parents\’ original intentions and intentions are good, but what they open their mouths is to convey blame and even hurt. They often love their children very much, just like the father above. His love for his children is more reflected in his actions. However, for children, they are not good at discovering the delicate and deep love of their parents in daily life. They pay more attention to the straightforward language of adults. How adults express it is how children understand it. Once they cannot feel acceptance and understanding from your language, they will actively choose to stay further and further away from you. Because they are convinced that when they perform poorly and show vulnerability, their parents are likely to blame themselves and be disappointed in themselves. They think it is shameful to expose their vulnerabilities and problems in front of their parents. But for parents, their intention is definitely not to humiliate their children, but the reproach in their tone makes the children close their hearts. If your tone is right for your child, your attitude will be better. As adults, I believe everyone has had the experience of being in a bad mood for a whole day because of a harsh word. This is the power of words. Even if what the other person says is reasonable, we will be hurt by the other person\’s poor tone. The attitude and tone of communication are sometimes much more important than the content. Parents often complain that it is difficult to communicate with their children. No matter what they say, their children don\’t listen. A large part of the reason is that in daily interactions, our irritable attitude has been destroying our children\’s confidence. They are constantly judged by us, have long built high walls in their hearts, and have become insensitive to our education. If parents know how to control their tone and use kind and firm words, children will be more willing to make changes. For example, if they are worried, say gently – the child comes home late, you can say: \”It\’s so late for my parents to come home so late.\” Worry about you.\” Instead of: \”Next time you come back so late, don\’t ever come back!\” Answer the question directly, don\’t ask back – when the child is looking for books, you can say: \”In your dad\’s room\” instead! : \”You can\’t find it yourself?\” Educate your children with more respect and less orders – if your children put their toys randomly, you can say: \”Baby, remember to clean up the toys after playing with them!\” instead of: \”Let me put them away again!\” I found you laying them around, so I threw them all away. \”A good parent-child relationship needs to be maintained by \”talking well\”, Palm!With good communication skills, education can get twice the result with half the effort. The right tone can encourage children to cooperate with us; the wrong tone can cause children to misinterpret our intentions and misunderstand our sincerity. Please remember that no matter when, what makes children feel loved and cared for is always words with warmth. Communicate with your children in a gentle and positive tone more often, and your children will grow better. Click \”Like\” at the end of the article to encourage you.