The 5 most hurtful words for children, parents please be merciful

I have read a sentence: \”Every child dances on the tip of his parents\’ tongues.\” Every day, parents have to say a lot to their children. However, many times we don’t realize which words account for the most of what we say to our children every day. Some parents will continue to encourage and recognize their children. And some parents, intentionally or unintentionally, keep giving \”bad comments\” to their children. Maybe you will think that one or two sentences is nothing. However, psychologist James Gilligan found in research that children who suffered verbal and emotional abuse in childhood will have a worse life when they grow up. Because, in the eyes of children, parents are the world. If you want to make your child a better person, be sure to avoid saying these 5 most hurtful words. 01What is there to be happy about? I have seen a story about a girl, Jiajia, who won 600 yuan in lottery tickets and made a video call to share her joy with her family. After hearing this, the mother smiled and said: \”My daughter is so lucky!\” However, the father said with a gloomy face: \”What\’s so happy about it? This is gambling. Just watch it. If you win 600 yuan, you won\’t know in the future.\” How much do you have to lose?\” Dad\’s words made Jiajia burst into tears. She said aggrievedly: \”It was just an accidental luck. My father presupposed that I was a gambler with no self-control. His words made me instantly feel that this 600 yuan was not a lucky reward, but a gateway to the abyss of sin.\” Tickets.\” Moreover, Jiajia\’s father has always been like this since she was a child, always able to make her happiness disappear immediately with just one mouthful. In the second grade of elementary school, Jiajia scored 99 points in the exam, but her father said: \”It\’s not 100 points, so there\’s nothing to be happy about.\” When she entered junior high school, she had to pay 50 yuan to attend the elementary school class reunion, but her father changed his face: \”I knew it.\” Spending money, the money at home is not brought by the strong wind. \”When she went to college, she lived frugally and finally saved some money to travel to Xi\’an. But her father said: \”Why go so far away alone? Come back quickly…\” In this way, Jiajia has been living in her father\’s \”disappointment\”, and she has a deep feeling of unworthiness in her heart. It seemed that she never deserved happiness. Many parents are like this. It is true that they love their children, but it is also true that they hurt their children. They always say the most unpleasant things to the people they love most. Share your happiness with them, and your happiness will disappear; talk to them about your worries, and your worries will multiply. If you find that your child is becoming less and less willing to share happiness with you, please reflect on whether your own disappointing education has damaged your child\’s self-confidence and hope. 02 Are you worthy of my efforts by doing this? Once upon a time, I came across such a video. A father taught his daughter carefully: Dad only slept for four hours in two days and only ate one meal a day; the weather was so hot, but he was reluctant to turn on the air conditioner, all to save money for you; you must study hard. You can\’t be like me… Every word is like a stone pressing on my daughter, making her eyes full of tears and ashamed. This seems to be the truest portrayal of many parents. They attribute their hard work to the sake of their children, and then encourage their children to study hard: I work hard to make money every day, all for you; my parents can’t bear to eat.Wear, good things are available for you; if you don’t study hard, are you worthy of our efforts… However, the sense of dedication and sacrifice revealed in these words can bring nothing to the children except pressure and self-blame. As time goes by, children will also doubt the value of their own existence. But in fact, who among adults is not tired, stressed and helpless? These have nothing to do with our children, and they should not be forced to accept the bitterness of the adult world. This passage from the picture book \”Can you stay home with me instead of working\” is very good. The child asked: \”Mom, is it because of me that you work so hard?\” The mother replied: \”No, honey. Work is hard because work is hard, and no matter who does it, it will be hard. Just like lemons are sour, no matter who Every bite will make you feel sour. \”As a parent, the greatest kindness is to create a positive, sunny and loving family atmosphere for your children. In this way, they can have the energy to meet the challenges life throws at them, instead of focusing all their energy on internal friction. 03You are just a child, what can you understand? \”You are just a child, what can you understand?\” \”I have eaten more salt than you have eaten rice.\” Do the above words often appear in your home? On the road to educating their children, many parents always habitually make choices for their children in order to avoid detours. It can be as small as what clothes to wear when going out today, how to arrange time on weekends, as big as which school to attend in the future, which major to choose, what kind of job to find… The Indian high-scoring movie \”Three Idiots Make a Trouble in Bollywood\” \”In \”, Farhan encountered such a situation. Since he was a child, he wanted to be a wildlife photographer. But his family had planned everything for him long ago, training him and sending him to an engineering college, hoping that he would have a safe journey. Farhan was unhappy and finally decided to confess his feelings to his father. But he was still thrown cold water: \”Can you make money in the jungle?\” \”In five years, when you see all your friends buying cars and houses, you will hate yourself.\” I believe that Dad must love Farhan very much. , not wanting him to fail, so he would ruthlessly \”dissuade\” him. However, the original intention of love is not wrong, but the method is wrong. If you instill your own ideas into children\’s heads, and even always think that they are too young to make choices for their own lives, it is undoubtedly a kind of control and hegemony. In this world, the person who knows your children best, besides you, is them. If you blindly use your own vision and thinking to constrain your children\’s choices, it is actually your children\’s future that is being constrained. Only by learning to let go within a reasonable range can children go out into the vast world. What you need to do is to give them the bottom line and prevent them from making mistakes on bottom-line issues. 04 It’s just studying, what do you have to do? I recently read a netizen’s story online and was very moved. The boy is a senior in high school. He was under a lot of pressure during this period and was not in good condition. Although he worked very hard to read and answer questions, his grades did not rise but fell, which made him feel tired and confused. Therefore, he tried to discuss with his mother to see if he could take two classes to take a break. However, his mother said, \”Why are you so tired? You just go to school. Why should you ask for leave if you have nothing to do?\” This made him feel very depressed. Coincidentally, a girl in the second grade of junior high school said that sheI study questions every day, but my brain seems to be blocked. I pull out my hair every day when I get nervous. In just half a year, I have a large bald head. Another 10-year-old boy said: Do I have to see me jump off a building for my parents to believe that I am already overwhelmed? In this day and age, many parents seem to find it difficult to empathize with their children. When faced with children\’s tired, difficult, and stressful problems, they will always throw out one or two words of \”bystander\” indifference: they can\’t stand any setbacks. You are just hypocritical. What can happen with such squeamishness? What are you talking about? I was… But what they don’t know is that there is such a set of shocking data in the \”China Children\’s Suicide Report\”: 24.39% of primary and secondary school students in Shanghai have had the idea of ​​\”ending their own lives\”, and even more 5.85% of children have planned suicide. Among the causes of suicide, excessive study pressure ranks first (45.5%). When faced with children who are carrying heavy burdens, parents must first see their suffering and know how tired they are. Then, stand from the child\’s perspective and work with him to relieve the pressure from the world. Say more: It’s okay, I understand you. Relax a little, I know you are tired… After all, children in this era are already very curly. Parents, please don\’t inadvertently become the straw that breaks their back. 05 I can’t do even the smallest things well… I’ve seen such a story. A mother and her daughter are skipping rope. The girl jumped a few times, but either she didn\’t raise her arms to hold the rope, or she forgot to jump. It was obvious that she was not familiar with this sport. The mother demonstrated a few more times, but the little girl still didn’t know how. At this time, my mother said anxiously: \”Why are you so stupid? How many times have I told you.\” \”Since you were a child, your limbs have been uncoordinated and your athletic ability is poor. You can\’t do such small things well.\” As her mother complained, The girl\’s movements seemed more stiff. Later, she simply threw away the skipping rope and stopped jumping. \”I\’m stupid and can\’t learn. I won\’t learn anymore!\” After the girl ran away, the mother reluctantly told the people around her, \”This child has been stubborn since he was a child. He has a bad temper and doesn’t like to listen to what he says.” Seeing this, I wonder if this kind of scene has happened in your home? \”Why are you so stupid that you can\’t even solve such a simple question?\” \”When will you be able to use your brain? You are so careless all day long!\” \”Why are you so ignorant that you don\’t know how to let your parents worry less?\” Many parents , I always feel that by pointing out the problem and scolding the child, the child can change. But for some reason, the child got worse and worse. No one likes to be blamed, let alone children. What’s even more frightening is that Dr. Martin Teicher of Harvard Medical School also found that negative language is most likely to affect the corpus callosum, hippocampus and prefrontal lobes in children’s brains. In other words, children who have been exposed to verbal attacks for a long time will have their IQ affected. This is also a reminder to parents that they must say what they have to say carefully, and never let their children bear the unbearable weight of their lives just because they can\’t help but curse a word or two. 06 Dr. Marshall Luxemburg said this in his book \”Nonviolent Communication\”: Maybe we don\’t think that the way we talk is \’violent\’, but our words do often cause pain to ourselves and others. Although the words cannot be seen, they areIt is a kind of energy that fills the family, the atmosphere of getting along and our hearts. If used well, it is a spring breeze that warms the heart of a child; if used improperly, it can also become a knife that hurts. There are no parents in the world who don\’t love their children, but using the wrong language to express their good intentions changes the flavor. Only by mastering positive words and empowering children in daily communication can we help them live a more positive and happy life. Click [Like] at the end of the article. Don\’t let your \”knife mouth\” hurt your child\’s \”tofu heart\”.