Really good family education has nothing to do with children

Many parents are confused like this: Why do my children have mediocre or even poor grades despite being strict with them, while some families do not discipline their children very well, but their children are outstanding? Not only children, there are many seemingly abnormal things in life, but we always dismiss them lightly with a sigh. If we can think more, we will gain something. In fact, behind any abnormal phenomenon, there is normality. Abnormality means that the appearance of things does not conform to our understanding; for things to become like this, they must have developed according to normal logic. In layman\’s terms, it means that you must have done something right or wrong to make things the way they are now. People\’s understanding is divided into levels. Some people turn a blind eye even if the disaster is serious, some people will reflect on it when encountering adversity, and some people will nip problems in the bud. This understanding can also be understood as the sensitivity of observing things. With more patience and thinking, and exploring the logic that supports the development of things, we will discover the truth of things, and we will no longer be puzzled and lamented by the \”abnormal\” appearance, and wisdom will follow. Hello everyone, let’s talk together today: Really good family education has nothing to do with children. There is no empathy in this world, because all feelings are made up of extremely small-scale experiences. No two people can. Had the exact same experience. Therefore, empathy is personal wishful thinking, just like Hui Shi said to Zhuangzi: You are not a fish, how can you know the happiness of fish? It is precisely because of this asymmetry that many books that contain the author\’s profound experience and unforgettable insights are just preaching in the eyes of readers, because readers do not have that experience and it is difficult to have corresponding feelings. The words in the book don\’t make sense when you read them, so you can\’t understand them. Yang Jiang once said: \”When I was young, I thought it was not enough to understand life without reading. It was not until later that I discovered that if you do not understand life, you cannot read books. The meaning of reading is probably to use what you feel in life to read, and to use what you gain from reading to learn.\” Live it”. This also applies to educating children. Parents’ requirements and dogmas for their children come from their concepts, and their concepts are shaped by their own experiences. Your so-called sincere words and sincere words will naturally not be understood by the children, but you insist on talking to yourself, or even educate with sticks, and the result can only be that both parties do not understand each other. Perhaps the law of balance in the world is like this. It uses the limitations of experience that everyone cannot break through to give people different temperaments and understandings, thereby shaping different lives. The principle itself is not difficult, the only difference lies in whether you realize it or not. If you realize it, you will control your destiny; if you don\’t realize it, you will be controlled by fate. Regarding family education, there is a well-known saying: parents are their children’s first teachers. However, I believe that most parents passively accept this understanding. It is what books, TV, friends, etc. tell us, and it is not verified by themselves. If you have not verified it yourself, you will not understand its principles. When faced with unique children, you will not be able to teach students in accordance with their aptitude. If parents still have some intuitive experience with this sentence, after all, children have the most contact with their parents since childhood. But below, you may be doubtful. The parent-child relationship determines our relationship with the world.Many people’s relationships with their spouses and children are a reflection of their original family relationships. What seems to be a very common sentence actually contains a lot of personal experience and thinking and verification. Therefore, for people who have no experience, or who have experienced it without thinking and verification, this is a boring and specious sentence, and it is difficult to touch their hearts. Inwardly, it cannot play an inspiring and educational role. When parents say \”you must be something\” (for example, you can\’t do anything, I knew you would fail like this, you are a fool, etc.), it is a curse that parents put on their children. Why is it a curse? Because these words will form psychological hints in children, and in the end they often become hints. It contains a lot of psychological knowledge. However, ordinary people, let alone being proficient in psychology, cannot even reach the entry level, so they cannot understand it and feel that this is alarmist. The pessimism of parents is passed on to their children through these curses. This is another kind of inheritance besides genetic inheritance. Many things in life, if you have the patience to trace the root causes, you will find that they are all psychological problems. On the first day of elementary school, grandma stroked her grandson\’s head and said sincerely: \”Alas, your good days are over!\” Or when parents talk to each other, they will say that it is really hard for children in high school! Parents who say these things deeply believe that learning is a chore, because they themselves have never experienced the joy of seeking knowledge, so they pass this concept on to their children. Although this kind of misguidance is unintentional, it is intentional. If parents themselves do not grow up, then the people who will do the most harm to their children are the parents. This sentence will probably make many parents feel resentful. People love their children in their own way and are moved to the point of being moved. However, if the method is wrong, what is the point of family education? There has never been a so-called \”slip of the tongue\”, it is a saying in psychology. The so-called slip of the tongue is actually the expression of deep inner concepts. Many parents don\’t really want to improve themselves, but just want to show good qualities in front of their children. This is completely self-deception. Because most words and deeds are revealed unintentionally, and no one can pretend to be perfect. It is precisely this unintentional expression that subtly affects children\’s concepts and consciousness. This kind of self-deception shows hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is a trick-taking attitude towards life, which runs counter to cultivating the quality of children\’s down-to-earth hard work. Behind children\’s rebellion is sensitivity, vulnerability, and helplessness. When parents work hard to educate their children, they often say, \”Three feet of ice does not freeze in a day.\” However, they rarely reflect on the fact that rebellious children in adolescence are the result of long-term accumulation of wrong education methods. Simply attributing rebellion to adolescence is not only easy and effortless, but also shirks the parents\’ own responsibility. What\’s more serious is that the crux of the problem will never be found. Family is not a place to argue about right and wrong, but it does not mean that confusion and ignorance should exist reasonably. The examples cited above are only a small part of the many family education phenomena. Through summary, it is not difficult to find that it is the parents who play the decisive role, not the children.It\’s a child. Parents who have mature and sound personalities, clear and intelligent cognition, and natural words and deeds are truly good education, and the opposite is bad education. Some people say that even if you open a breeding farm, you still need to read professional books and hire experts for training. However, as parents, you can raise your children as you like. This huge risk turns a deaf ear. Why turn a deaf ear? Because learning and growth are difficult for most people. When faced with difficult problems, people will be smart enough to think that there must be opportunistic ways. In reality, this opportunistic method is to shift the responsibility to the school, the training class, the nature of the child, etc. The laws of nature will eventually make people realize the consequences of opportunism, because a child\’s life cannot be repeated.