\”Low EQ\” education is quietly destroying your children

Every parent hopes to raise a child with high emotional intelligence. However, children with high emotional intelligence are never self-taught. The high or low of children\’s emotional intelligence has a lot to do with the education methods of their parents. Psychologist Daniel Goleman once conducted a survey, \”How do parents and children respond to each other when they are emotional?\” In order to obtain more detailed survey data, Goleman conducted an in-depth survey of 119 families. Several years of follow-up observation. This leads to the conclusion that parents’ words and deeds can greatly affect the development of children’s emotional intelligence. Daniel Goleman preached in the book \”Emotional Quotient\”: People with high IQ and high EQ are proud of themselves; people with low IQ and high EQ are helped by noble people; people with high IQ and low EQ are not recognized for their talents; IQ People who are not high and have low emotional intelligence will achieve nothing. Indeed, the level of emotional intelligence determines the height a person can reach in the future. However, in real life, many parents are using \”low emotional intelligence education\” to discipline their children, which will quietly destroy their children\’s future. After becoming a parent who treats venting emotions as discipline, it seems to be commonplace to yell and lose temper at your children. The child is slow in doing things and has been told many times that he is slow. The parent loses patience: \”Can you hurry up? Why are you so slow!\” When tutoring homework, the child just can\’t understand. The parent gets angry and yells: \”Why are you so stupid! How many times do you want me to say this? \”When the child disobeys and learns to talk back, the parent angrily says, \”Do you have to let me beat you to be honest? If you don\’t obey again, I will throw you out!\” As a parent, do you think so? Have you ever vented your negative emotions on your children? In fact, it is easy for us to vent our negative emotions on our children in the name of discipline. So, how to distinguish between disciplining a child and venting emotions to the child? In \”Psychological Nutrition Parenting Method\”, Dr. Lin Wencai said: When your child does something wrong, you find yourself furious. The anger rushes up all at once, which is completely uncontrollable and lasts for a long time. In other words, if you don’t finish teaching your child in one or two strokes, it means that you must have accumulated emotions. If it were just discipline, you would get angry when you see a mistake, but a few seconds would pass without losing control. Not only do you know you\’re angry, but you also have enough time to think about how you should handle it. If you want to educate your children well, the first thing parents must do is control their emotions. The same sentence, said with emotion and said calmly, can have a hugely different effect. Emotions are contagious, and our unstable emotions and attitudes towards our children will affect how our children behave. Parents speaking with emotions will draw their children\’s attention to their emotions. No matter how you discipline your children, the educational effect will be greatly reduced. Emotional parents are a disaster for their children. In this communication mode, children will also imitate others and become emotional and lose their temper. Because they cannot regulate their emotions and manage themselves, children are destined not to have high emotional intelligence. Ignore children\’s feelings and emotional management. In \”Teenage Story\”, there once was a little girl who talked about her troubles. In her veryWhen I was young, my parents divorced. In order to survive, my mother spent most of her time at work. The little girl is at home alone every day. Even if her mother is at home occasionally, she only handles work and sleeps, and never cares about her emotions. Over time, the little girl got used to wandering alone. Even if she didn\’t buy anything, she wanted to reduce her loneliness in the crowd. She shouted to her mother with longing eyes: \”Can you look at me? Even if it\’s just for a moment.\” There is a word in psychology called \”emotional neglect\”, which refers to a situation where parents fail to give their children enough emotional response and the psychological trauma caused to the child. Being always ignored by parents and not receiving any response will make children feel \”unloved\” and \”worthless\”. Sometimes, what hurts a child the most is not the beating or scolding, but the fact that the parents simply don\’t care about him. Especially in today\’s fast-paced life, when many parents raise their children, they focus on meeting their children\’s material needs, keeping them fed and clothed, and allowing them to receive a good education. However, they lack understanding of their children\’s feelings and emotions. focus on. Due to the lack of emotional communication, children will not have enough awareness of emotions and will not know how to deal with their own emotions, so they are prone to psychological problems. Some parents may think that children’s feelings are not important. What do children know? In fact, this is not the case. What seems insignificant to adults is a big deal to children. Children\’s feelings and emotions influence their behavior and mental health. Children who have been neglected by their parents for a long time may develop the following conditions: burying their own wishes, needs, and feelings in their hearts; blindly blaming themselves and suppressing their own demands; not actively seeking help from others when encountering difficulties; being sensitive, having low self-esteem, Glass heart. In the daily process of educating children, parents should pay more attention to their children\’s feelings and emotions, and deal with emotions first and then problems. When children have emotional outbursts, how should parents guide them? Don\’t ignore your child\’s feelings. If your child has poor control ability, the smallest thing can make him lose his temper and make it difficult to control himself. At this time, parents should give themselves and their children a calm space and time to keep both parties away from the source of stimulation. After calming down, teach the child the correct way to express himself and give him the best advice on how to deal with it. Some psychological experts have pointed out that any emotion needs to be expressed to have a positive meaning and should not be suppressed in the heart. As parents, we must encourage our children to express love and express their emotions, so as to help them understand and control their own emotions. Only by listening to your child\’s voice, recognizing your child\’s emotions, and empathizing with your child\’s emotions can your child see others and understand their feelings in a subtle way. This mutual feeling is the exercise of emotional intelligence. Sarcasm, belittling, and labeling children\’s behavior In life, many parents will fall into such a vicious circle: they criticize and attack their children at every turn. Even if their children have tried their best and done well, they will still be harshly criticized. This group of parents always believes that criticism will make their children more frustrated and courageous. Is that true? There was once a survey topic that hit the hot search list: \”90% of respondents said they had been verbally assaulted by their parents.\”The survey subjects were 2,006 young people aged 18 to 35 years old. Surprisingly, 90.6% of the respondents admitted that their parents had verbally attacked them. And 45.4% of the respondents believed that this kind of attack would continue into middle school. As for the results of percussive education, now it’s really time to accept them. As many as 59.7% of the respondents believe that persecutory education makes them lack self-confidence and make them prone to self-denial. Long-term belittling and negative education will leave a psychological shadow on children, and even cause children to \”deny\” themselves and fall into a deep sense of inferiority. When parents, in the name of \”doing it for you\”, constantly emphasize their children\’s shortcomings and compare their mistakes with other children, it seems to be encouraging, but in fact it is destroying their children\’s self-confidence. Such children are prone to have low self-esteem and lack of opinion when they grow up. Freud said: A person\’s life is always making up for the lack of childhood. Parents\’ long-term denial will make children live like what their parents deny, spending their whole lives searching for the approval of others, living in the eyes of others, and making it difficult to be themselves with concentration and confidence. Once some parents are angry, they can\’t help but label their children with various labels, such as \”idiot\”, \”selfish devil\”, etc., and blurt out various negative words in front of their children. Parents may never realize that when a person is labeled with a certain label, he will engage in self-image management to make his behavior consistent with the content of the label. It is very likely that the child will develop in the direction suggested by this suggestion and eventually become the kind of child the parents say. Parents with truly high emotional intelligence know how to speak well. They can not only handle their own emotions well, but also guide their children to handle their emotions in a timely manner. American writer Dreiser once said: \”A harmonious family atmosphere is a kind of flower in the world; nothing is gentler than it, nothing is more beautiful than it, nothing is more suitable than it to cultivate the nature of a family to be strong. , Integrity. \”That\’s true. A warm and loving growing environment is the best gift for children to grow up. Because there is love, every word must be spoken well.