What parents and children need to know: There is a huge difference between positive emotions and negative emotions, and life is completely different

The day before yesterday, I wrote that I confiscated my daughter’s mobile phone, quarreled with the child, and refused to make a fuss. She was very sad and made a fuss for two days. Last night, my eldest daughter told me that they were taking psychology classes during the day and the teacher asked them to understand emotions. The teacher said that when encountering problems, positive emotions and negative emotions have completely different effects. Regarding the issue of mobile phones, my daughter said that she is in a positive mood now, and since she doesn’t have a mobile phone, she can’t read it anyway, so she can study hard. If you have negative thoughts, you will think that your mobile phone is very important, and you will think about it for a while, and you will want to ask your parents for it, and you will feel that your parents are controlling. A child grows up in a blink of an eye. When the child experienced the mobile phone incident, the teacher happened to talk about positive emotions and negative emotions. Then she understood what the teacher said very deeply. And also applied to her incident. Therefore, parents must learn to see every step of their children\’s progress and growth. Parents’ views and feedback affect their children’s daily growth. 02 When children change their minds and improve their mood, this is the cognitive ABC theory in psychology. What is ABC Theory? ABC Theory (ABC Theory of Emotion) was created by American psychologist Ellis. It is believed that the activating event A (the first English letter of the activating event) is only an indirect cause of the emotional and behavioral consequences C (the first English letter of the consequence), and the direct cause of C is the individual\’s recognition of the activating event A. The belief B (the first English letter of belief) generated by knowledge and evaluation, that is, the result of a person\’s negative emotions and behavioral disorders (C), is not directly caused by a certain stimulating event (A), but due to experiencing this It is directly caused by the erroneous belief (B) generated by the individual\’s incorrect cognition and evaluation of the event. False beliefs are also called irrational beliefs. As shown in the figure, A (Antecedent) refers to the antecedent of the event, and C (Consequence) refers to the consequence of the event. Where there is an antecedent, there must be a consequence. However, the same antecedent A produces different consequences C1, C2, and C3. This is because there must be a bridge B (Bridge) between the antecedent and the result. This bridge is belief and our evaluation and interpretation of the situation. And because, under the same situation (A), different people have different ideas, evaluations and interpretations (B1, B2 and B3), so they will get different results (C1, C2 and C3). Therefore, everything that happens is rooted in our beliefs, evaluations, and interpretations. Ellis, the founder of the ABC theory of emotions, believes that it is precisely because of some of the irrational beliefs we often have that cause us to suffer from emotional distress. If these irrational beliefs persist over time, they can also cause emotional disorders. In the ABC theory of emotions: A represents the inducing event, and B represents some of the individual’s beliefs about the inducing event, that is, some opinions and explanations about this matter. C represents the results of your own emotions and actions. Usually people think that the triggering event A directly leads to the person\’s emotional and behavioral results C, and whatever happens causes the emotional experience. However, have you ever discovered that the same thing works for different people?People will have different emotional experiences. 03 It is also a child problem. Parents have different cognitions and views on their children, so their coping strategies are different. For example, in the recent case of senior high school students, the children did not go to school and always asked for leave. The parents were anxious and always thought of various ways to get their children to go to school. The more anxious the parents are, the more confrontational the children will be, and the greater the stress will be. It is the parents’ belief that when their children are in their senior year of high school, they cannot afford to delay their studies. They must enter college and go to school. Then it will definitely not be pleasant to chat with the child, and you will not be able to hear the child\’s voice. If the parents believe that the child has encountered difficulties and setbacks, what has he experienced and does not want to go to school? How can I help the child? Then the effect of your chat with the child will be different. If parents understand that if their children really don’t want to go to school, it may be better to let them rest for a period of time. Repeat school for one year and stay at night for one year. From the perspective of the child’s life, one or two years can actually be ignored. Then parents and children also have buffer time and space to face problems. When parents encounter problems with their children, if they adjust their perceptions and beliefs at any time according to the ABC theory, many problems will be easily solved. At the same time, if we often communicate and share these theories with our children in our lives, our children will get better and better.