After the children enter high school, why do most of the parents in the parent-teacher meeting are fathers? I was laughed out of my mind by the 10,000+ comments in the message area…

I saw a very interesting question online. Someone asked, why at the parent-teacher conference in high school, almost all the people you see are fathers, but there are very few mothers? Netizens left a lot of \”wonderful replies\” in the comment area: \”Moms are already mad, and dads are better able to withstand stress.\” \”Adolescent children can\’t control themselves anymore, so dads just make up the numbers.\” \”Mainly dads. Those who are thick-skinned and have the right to name products have the obligation to be responsible for product quality. \”Moms generally cannot survive the nine years of compulsory education. For the more difficult adolescence, dads have to take over.\” \”Because mothers all suffer from nodules and breast hyperplasia.\” , uterine fibroids, endocrine disorders, and I can’t beat a child of this age, so let’s replace the father.” Someone once joked that parents who can successfully “survive” their children’s adolescence are real warriors. Adolescence is the only way for children to grow up. Although this stage is \”stormy\”, it is not really a scourge. \”Reconciling with Adolescence\” writes: \”A good parent-child relationship does not depend on which life cycle the family is in.\” Parent-child relationships will not definitely get worse when children enter adolescence, but will change. How you cope with this change will determine how your child spends his or her adolescence. Adolescence Meets Middle Age A netizen once shared a street conversation between mother and daughter that she accidentally recorded: the mother walked in front, and the daughter in middle school uniform followed closely behind her: “I did well in the exam, you said it was because the paper was easy; I did poorly in the exam, and you said my skills are not good. Then you might as well just say that my brain is not good.\” After hearing what she said, her mother said in an affirmative tone: \”You are very bad!\” After saying this, she nodded. He left without looking back. The daughter behind her cried and complained in despair: \”It\’s not easy for me in your head!\” As a bystander, it was obvious that the girl was not really accusing her mother. She was able to actively express her thoughts. In fact, it was more of a I am using my grievance complaints to seek encouragement and affirmation from my mother. Unfortunately, this mother only focused on her own negative ideas and emotions, ignoring her daughter\’s desperate pleas for help. Some netizens also pointedly pointed out in the comment area of ​​the video that the mother just imposed her own incompetence on her children. She was unwilling to accept her own mediocrity, so she vented her incompetence by suppressing her children. anger. Psychologist Lawrence Steinberg once said: \”The time of adolescence often coincides with the time when parents enter middle age. Many of the complex emotions of middle-aged parents are in response to the independent growth of adolescents, or at least due to the parents\’ own He believes that when parents experience a \”midlife crisis\”, there will be a period of self-reflection and self-doubt about midlife issues. At this stage, although most parents will try their best to deal with their own middle-aged problems and not involve their own problems with their adolescent children. However, there will also be some parents who are unable to deal with the various middle-aged problems that suddenly come one after another. Instead, in the process of struggling to survive, they develop inexplicable \”jealousy\”, regret, resentment and other complex feelings toward their adolescent children. mood. They will feel that they areAfter being abandoned by a child you were once attached to, you will feel powerless in front of adolescent children who already have a sense of independence. Not only did I feel powerless about the new parent-child relationship, I also felt out of control over the child\’s sudden changes, and I also felt a sense of crisis about myself being in middle age. These complex emotions are intertwined. When some negative emotional switches are triggered, they will appear in various forms such as \”depressing parents\”, \”suppressive parents\”, and \”controlling parents\”. It’s not that adolescence is difficult, it’s just that the child’s adolescence coincides with the middle age of the parents. Parents and children are both at the intersection of a new stage of their lives. If they cannot respond smoothly to the changes in this special stage with an attitude of understanding and learning, it will be difficult to complete their respective growth and transformation. Turn Confrontation into Acceptance An education blogger once wrote a story about what happened between himself and his adolescent son. When my son entered high school, he suddenly seemed like a different person. Apart from eating and asking for pocket money, there was almost no communication with her. As soon as he gets home, he locks the bedroom door and doesn\’t say anything to her. He still finds it annoying when he asks her. If he asks too many questions, he might even start a quarrel with her. During that time, she lived in extreme pain every day. She couldn\’t understand why her son, who was originally obedient and well-behaved, suddenly no longer needed her and treated her like a savage beast. Sometimes when I look at the video of my son when he was a child, I feel even more sad when I look at the son in the video who is clinging to her and saying that he loves his mother the most. Then I look at the door of my son’s room that is now closed. She couldn\’t accept this gap, and took the initiative to communicate and show her kindness again and again. Not only did she not improve the relationship between mother and son, but her son accused her of controlling him. Later, for a period of time, because she was busy with work, her focus was no longer entirely on her son. When she no longer clung to her son\’s words, expressions, and emotions at that moment that were wrong today, and no longer magnified every detail of her son into an adolescent problem; instead, because she was busy with work, she began to sympathize and considerate every day. When my son got up at dawn and went to bed after dark, he found that the two of them got along much better. When she stood from her son\’s perspective, she tried to understand the heavy academic pressure he suddenly faced after entering high school, tolerated his occasional irritability and irritability, and allowed him to have his own independent space. She gradually discovered that adolescence did not make her son useless; on the contrary, he became more independent, more assertive, and more responsible as a man than before. She took a step back, changed her mentality, and transformed her confrontational emotions in the face of her son\’s adolescent changes into acceptance and permission. After feeling the change in his mother, her son is no longer the same as before. He always refuses his mother\’s approach like a hedgehog. Instead, he will occasionally show his \”soft belly\” and talk to his mother about the confusions he encounters and the challenges he faces. Dilemma. Of course, many adolescent problems that were previously troublesome are no longer difficult to overcome. \”A Change of Thought\” writes: \”Most of our pain comes from unacceptable facts and demands and criticisms of others. When I only do what I can and should do, the positive impact that will be produced invisibly will make People, things, and things around you have changed.” Another saying goes: “Pain is a choice.” Instead of fear and anxiety., it is better to change your mentality and appreciate your child\’s growth in the new stage. If you change your perspective and regard adolescence as an iteration of the stage of parent-child interaction, you will find that the anger, pain, and helplessness have all disappeared. Raising adolescent children is a big challenge for parents, but challenge does not mean disaster. Treating your child\’s adolescence as a disaster will really turn your child\’s adolescence into a complete disaster. Don’t emotionally detach yourself from your children. An education expert once said: “The best education in the world is to have nothing but love.” No matter what stage a child is at, the simplest and most efficient way to raise a child must be to give the child complete love. Because a warm, intimate, and honest parent-child relationship will allow children to feel full and secure when facing changes at any stage. Host Zhang Shaogang shared one of his own parenting concepts. He said that he was very strict with his son\’s education and sometimes even beat and scolded the child. However, his son has always been close to him. The reason is simply because when his son was growing up, he gave him almost all unconditional love. The complete love he had given supported his son\’s trust and attachment to him. Someone once conducted a survey specifically on adolescent children and found a very surprising result: adolescent children are not as repulsive to their parents as it appears on the surface. On the contrary, they even need more from their parents than younger children. Parental love. I was deeply touched by this. One time when I accidentally mentioned how cute my daughter was when she was a child, she said unexpectedly: \”Mom, actually I know that I am not good enough now and not as worthy of your love as I was when I was a child.\” At that time, I was very special. Shocked, she quickly explained over and over again that her mother\’s love for her had never changed, but she could still feel her daughter\’s loss. Many parents actually have a misunderstanding, that is, they think that adolescent children only want to be separated from their parents because of their need for independence. But they ignore that adolescent children are more insecure than ever. It is also written in \”Child Developmental Psychology\”: \”Adolescents will develop the so-called \’imaginary audience\’. They hope that they will always be the focus of everyone\’s attention.\” Everyone here, including parents. So sometimes you will find that they are rebellious again and again, and sometimes they are testing whether their parents will really love and accept them unconditionally. To sum up in one sentence: \”They are eager to get rid of their parents\’ control and gain freedom, but they are also afraid that their parents will psychologically \’abandon\’ them when they grow up.\” So, tell adolescent children without reservation that no matter what they are going through No matter what, parents will love them unconditionally and fully respect their changes. Discussing and establishing the principles and rules for the new stage with them on an equal footing is the way of love they need most at this stage. In fact, when children are growing up, it is difficult to say that every parent can be a perfect parent at all times, but loving children is definitely the simplest and most instinctive way to raise them. Dong Yuhui once said in his speech: \”Due to various reasons, many parents have shortcomings and regrets in family education, but these do not affect you from becoming an excellent parent, because love will drive you to do all the right things.Affection. \”We can\’t decide who our children will be in the future, but we can decide what kind of parents we will be and how we will love and raise our children.