The more incompetent parents are, the more they like to pretend to be generous in these three things, and it is the children who suffer.

My friend Coco\’s mother has recently had huge doubts about her parenting philosophy. I thought that her son was under a lot of academic pressure. As a mother, she could help a little more. She would not let her son do housework easily. Even her son\’s schoolbag was sorted by her every day. Even if her son asked for something, she would not dare to refuse it, even if it would cost her almost a month\’s salary in one go. As a result, my son was not necessarily happy and relaxed. On the contrary, he became more and more rude in his speech, taking everything his mother did for granted. He also disliked the brand-name shoes and clothes he bought that were not fashionable enough, and did not consider how much his family paid for him. It was after seeing these \”bad\” changes in his son that my friend gradually realized that he was wrong: he should not have paid too much attention to his son, and he almost raised his son badly. After listening to my friends’ sharing, I was reminded of many phenomena I observe daily. Educating children is definitely a difficult project. Many people have never learned how to be parents, thinking that if they pay more and sacrifice more, they will always get good rewards. As everyone knows, the habit of pretending to be generous in these three things just exposes my ignorance in education, and ultimately hurts the most innocent children. Be generous with your children when it comes to \”money\”. A Shanghai mother once said: \”What I can do is to give my children conditions that are no less than those of the \’rich second generation\’, so that they can have some experience. I have to endure some hardships for the sake of it.\” The future of their children.” There are many parents with this mentality. My cousin is like this. She and her brother-in-law were from an average family with a monthly salary of less than 6,000 yuan, but the food and drink expenses for their daughter were always in line with those of the wealthy people around them. I overdraft my credit card to sign up for piano lessons, modeling classes, and swimming lessons. It\’s a pretense of letting my daughter see the world, but in fact I don\’t want my daughter to be inferior to others. I have advised my cousin several times that there is no need to go into debt for her to attend these courses because her child is still young. If the child\’s appetite grows, it will be difficult to teach her in the future. But my cousin disagreed and said plausibly: \”When I was a child, I just didn\’t have money to learn painting. My mother said I wasted my money even if I wanted to eat sweets. Now that I am a parent, even if it is a little harder, I must find a way to satisfy my child and prevent her from having any problems in the future. Regret.\” At first glance, I was almost moved by my cousin\’s selfless love for her daughter. Until not long ago, when I saw my cousin\’s daughter talking to her and asking loudly, \”Why don\’t you buy a big house for me to raise a cat? Why are you so poor?\” I couldn\’t help but shake my head. As a parent, I understand the desire to give your children the best. There are many parents around me like my friend Coco\’s mother and my cousin. Because of their past experiences and encounters, they don\’t have enough to eat or wear, they don\’t have toys, they don\’t enjoy much material satisfaction, and they feel a sense of scarcity in their hearts. Therefore, when I have the opportunity to become a parent, I don\’t want to \”make the same mistake again\” and feel that I should raise my children richly to make up for the shortcomings in my heart. I think that satisfying your children by the standards of the rich is the most intimate love and the most selfless contribution to your children. But regardless of reality, trying desperately to mold your children into another class in the family will eventually breed ungrateful wolves who will only keep asking for more. Li Bo, a professor at Nanjing Normal University, once said: \”Children need normal training, rather than just giving them various excellent conditions.\” Ordinary families, please give up the idea of ​​​​compensating for your children as soon as possible, and avoid going too far on your children.investment. Whatever the conditions, how to raise children is fine. Frankly inform your children about the actual situation at home, and set an example to remind them to consume rationally. If you have the opportunity, take your child to experience family affairs first-hand, and let him try to use his own hands to create the life of his dreams. You must know that raising children who are down-to-earth and repay kindness is the most important \”life event\” that parents should pursue. Generous children lose themselves when it comes to \”time\”. A mother consulted an education expert and asked, \”Why is it that my child, who I carefully cared for when he grew up, is withdrawn, weak and incompetent in his 20s? \”Can\’t you do it well?\” The expert did not give a direct answer, but asked three questions in succession: \”The child folded the quilt for the first time, and it was folded all over the place. Did you help him fold it and never let him fold it again?\” \”Have you arranged a future for your child after he graduated from college?\” \”Is your child not doing well at work, not getting along well with his colleagues, and not having a good relationship with you?\” Mom doesn\’t answer every question? He nodded, and finally burst into tears when asked about the pain point. For this reason, experts pointed out sharply: \”You have done everything well, so the children will not do everything.\” I know those around me who have gone to high school and college, but they still have the habit of bringing back the week\’s dirty clothes and smelly socks on weekends. Most of the children in the family have \”helicopter parents\”. Growing up, parents have taken care of everything, watching every move of their children all the time. If there is any trouble, they can\’t wait to reach out to give their children a hand, and they can\’t wait to do everything for their children. Even if the child is obviously able to take care of himself and has said \”let me do it\”, they just don\’t feel at ease and feel that the child is too weak and will not be able to handle it. In the final analysis, parents are not strong enough and do not want to believe that their children have \”grown up\” and always treat their children with a weak mentality. So much so that they invisibly cut off the child\’s wings, but still blame the child for not being independent and not even knowing what he wants to do. It is instinct for parents to pay attention to their children and spend time with them. But giving beyond the limit, surrounding the child all day long, and not giving him any space or freedom will only cause a heavy psychological burden on the child and inhibit the child\’s normal development. In fact, far-sighted parents have long learned to give their children enough love, expectation and trust. Even if the child still has a lot of room for improvement, what parents see is his potential and his ability to achieve success if he can. Precisely because we respect parents and children as two completely independent individuals. Do not interfere too much in the child\’s life, accept the child\’s growth needs, withdraw appropriately, and allow the child the opportunity to try and make mistakes, fall down, and learn to get up. Such parents always believe that only a bird that has practiced spreading its wings alone will have the opportunity to have the power to fight in the sky, make decisions for itself, and fearlessly choose the direction of its own life. Children who are generous and wronged in terms of \”human feelings\” don\’t realize it. Sometimes I think about our generation. After we became sensible, the education we received was \”You have to be obedient\” and \”You have to be patient.\” Subconsciously, children will also be taught this way: \”Look who it is, then listen to your parents, it will save people a lot of money.\” \”Everyone is a guest, give them what they want, don\’t be stingy.\” \”It doesn\’t matter if others hit you. , he is willing toIt\’s definitely not intentional, just give in. \”But are children trained in this way happy? Is his obedience willing? One time, there was a guest at home. There was a 4-year-old boy in the house. As soon as he entered the door, the little boy took a fancy to his son\’s Lego model and clamored to take it with him. Go home. At first, I thought that children would forget it soon, so I agreed on behalf of my son. Unexpectedly, before leaving, the little boy suddenly came to his senses and insisted on taking away the Lego model. After hearing this, his son was so scared that he shouted. This is mine, and no one will give it to me. The little boy is not an economical person, and he will tear it down when he sees it. I am afraid that the guests will be embarrassed, so I quickly smooth things over and criticize my son in front of him. Don\’t be rude like a master. I turned my head, leaned down, and said to the little boy in a good voice, \”Auntie will give you a bigger and more beautiful one next time. It will be better than this one.\” It took a lot of effort to coax the guests, but my son. I was so angry that I didn\’t talk to me all night. I felt that my arms were turned outward and I was not helping others. Later, I reflected on myself and realized that I was just afraid of offending people and hurting the relationship with others. I didn\’t want others to think that I had no tutor. This forces the child to swallow his grievances and learn to please others. But if the child is always asked to sacrifice his own feelings and only think about others, then sooner or later he will be like his parents who are used to pleasing others, and will live a frustrated, frustrated and unhappy life. Some people say that using worldly wisdom to teach children humility and consideration, and telling children that \”generous sharing and tolerance\” is a virtue, is actually a moral kidnapping of the child, and will sooner or later destroy the child\’s personality because he will mistakenly think that others are his. Priority is more important than one\’s own feelings; being bullied by others, one\’s own anger and anger are all emotions that should not be felt. As a result, he will only lose his own bottom line and standards, and lose his truest self little by little. As a parent, you should be your child\’s biggest trump card in dealing with the world, giving him support and strength. Don\’t tell your child to put away his or her temper just because he\’s afraid of offending others, but to express himself bravely and defend himself, let alone because he\’s afraid of losing face. Teach your child to tolerate calmness for a while, but to stand with him and accompany him to fight against the attacks and malice from the outside world. No matter what happens, he must let his child feel that his parents will always be my sword, and with their support, he will always be safe. I dare to speak out and be true to myself and love myself. Hong Lan, a brain science expert and education expert, said something that is worth thinking about: \”To educate children, only love is not enough. Only by understanding the rules of children\’s growth.\” Have a good future. What needs education most today is not the children, but the parents. \”Indeed, the living environment of children has changed, and the information they receive and their ability to perceive love are also different from the past. If you want your children to live happier, happier, and freer lives, you can only rely on material provision, constant companionship and regulation. Training is not enough. What is more important is to cultivate his correct outlook on life, cultivate his independent and confident personality, and avoid unnecessary mental internal friction. Only in this way can he have the opportunity to live a calm and fearless life with ease and ease. Attitude, live this life happily.