If you want your daughter not to be messed with but also popular, I strongly recommend every parent to teach these 4 sentences.

A few days ago, I received a private message in the background: Hello, Mother Lu, I am a freshman in high school. In order to build a good relationship after school started, I took the initiative to bring everyone breakfast and clean the toilet. Half a month passed, and everyone seemed to assume that it was me who did all these things. One time, I didn\’t throw away the trash in the toilet. As a result, a person in the dormitory said in a very bad tone, \”The trash is full, it\’s time to take it out.\” I said angrily that I was not the only one to use the toilet, so whoever liked it would use it. As a result, she felt aggrieved and said that I spoke irritably and it was me who did it in the past. So she asked me what was wrong? Now I have become the fussy person in the dormitory. My father-in-law is mostly a girl\’s mother, occasionally a father, and here and there a few children. I read every message from my children many times, especially when it comes to social interactions. Because this is the most difficult place for parents to exert their influence. You can spend money to buy a room in the school district, or you can bribe teachers to pay extra attention to your children, but you just can’t make your classmates like your children and stop bullying them. No matter what How rich, powerful and powerful you are. If your child is not taught to defend herself from the beginning, she will become a passive role in the relationship before she knows it. No one can guarantee that all the people your child will meet along the way are friendly people. If you want your child to become a popular but not easy to mess with, please teach her these few words. What does it have to do with you? When being belittled and laughed at by others: You eat too much, no wonder you are so fat? You\’re too stupid, you can\’t even keep up with running and doing exercises! Is your family very poor? Why are you still carrying your schoolbag when it is so old? Being judged casually by others: Taking out the trash is just a matter of course, why are you so stingy? We are all in the same dormitory, so there is no need for you to talk like this, right? Well, it\’s okay to say bullying, but it doesn\’t make anyone feel comfortable listening to it, even if the other person didn\’t mean it. But the speaker has no intention and the listener has the intention. If the logic cannot be circumvented, the child will suffer endless internal friction: Self-proof: I don’t eat much, I’m not stupid, my family is not poor… Reflection: Is it time to change my schoolbag? Angry: Why does he say that to me? snort! In fact, no matter whether what the other party says is true or not, as long as it contains obvious personal bias, the important thing for us is not to refute what the other party says or try to change ourselves. Because the more you care, the easier it is for the other party to take advantage of you. The most important thing is to teach children to improve their opinions and ways of thinking. What does your own affairs have to do with him? Therefore, you only need to teach your children to reply: \”What does it have to do with you?\” Because a person\’s feelings and opinions are mostly limited to his or her thoughts, cognitive level, family model, personality, etc. We don’t need to explain to others, let alone get others’ approval for everything. Different people can have many different opinions on the same fact. Just because someone else\’s words hurt you and you changed yourself, how much power does that give to others? In this way, children can escape from unintentional/deliberate verbal attacks by others and become an independent thinking person. Your feelings are important. Parents must remind their children that when a bad relationship appears, there will be signs. Especially some friends who are close to you on the surface, but intentionally or unintentionally ask you to examine your own shortcomings without any effort.It will silently drain away your confidence. A friend shared an example of his daughter: My daughter has a very good friend with whom she often plays. The child is also very soft-tempered and not aggressive, and his friends like him very much. But after a while, she found that her daughter, who had always been lively and cheerful, became more and more inferior and introverted. She always asked, \”Mom, am I too dark?\”, \”Wouldn\’t I look good in yellow?\”, \”Wouldn\’t everyone be disgusted by my shameless personality?\” Only then did she realize the seriousness of the problem. Thinking back carefully, these self-judgments are all related to the child\’s friend. Because she had heard the child make various comments about her daughter: \”With your skin color, how dare you challenge yellow? Don\’t wear it again in the future.\” \”Your face is so big, it\’s better to wear a headband to make your face look smaller.\” \”You Then of course others don’t like to hear it. With your emotional intelligence, please listen to me more in the future, huh?” When my children’s friends said these words, they were not mean. My friends felt that children are childish and they also felt that there are times when good friends are like each other. They would complain about each other and just ignore them. She herself has a carefree personality, so she thinks that her daughter should not care about what her friends say. Unexpectedly, these \”unintentional\” belittlements and denials will erode the child\’s self-confidence bit by bit, causing the seeds of self-doubt and inferiority to soar in the heart. Therefore, be sure to tell your children that your own feelings are important when getting along with others. No matter whether the other person meant it or not, if his words made you uncomfortable or his behavior hurt you, you can always say it. A true friend will take your feelings into consideration and will not embarrass you. Even if you are reserved and not good at words, your feelings will be considered. Instead of pinching you because you are weak, and bullying you because you won\’t refuse. If you express your feelings and the other person still doesn\’t hold back, it proves that the other person did it on purpose. Why should we care about his feelings? Children can only defend their rights and reject toxic relationships from the beginning by expressing their attitude immediately towards behaviors that make them feel uncomfortable. You always have the right to say no to others. China is a humane society. Our education since childhood has always made it difficult for us to say no. As a result, it is difficult to truly follow your heart when raising children now. She knew clearly that the child treasured the doll, but out of sympathy she persuaded the child: \”Little brother, I just want to play with it, and I will return it to you later.\” Knowing that the child doesn\’t like playing with each other, but being polite and friendly, he still advises: \”Let\’s play with the little sister for a while, otherwise she will be lonely.\” To be honest, there is indeed a bit of moral kidnapping. Isn\’t this equivalent to teaching children, \”You have to humiliate yourself and take care of others\”? There is no shortage of adults in this world who are willing to compromise! Therefore, it is very important to reject education. \”Allow\” the child to refuse and \”respect\” the child\’s refusal. Even if you don’t understand something, you can ask your child first: Why? I don’t want to play with each other because I want to be alone; I don’t want to say hello because I’m a little shy; I don’t want to share toys because I haven’t had enough. If a child refuses because of \”self-feelings\”, this is always worthy of respect and encouragement. Even if the other person is well-intentioned, we still have the right to say no when we don’t need it or when we feel uncomfortable. Kindness is a good thing, but not all kindness is good to you.It needs to be accepted in full. What we really need to teach our children is how to say no in a polite and non-hurtful way. Make it clear and simply refuse, do not use silence or ambiguity instead of answering; be clear about your needs without over-explaining or justifying. Rejection does not affect recognition of the other party\’s good intentions and efforts. For example, thank you for still thinking of me, but I don’t want to drink milk tea today; I want to go home early today, and I can’t accompany you on duty. Sometimes sincere rejection is more comfortable than hypocritical catering. As parents, we must let our girls understand that self-feeling is always the first line of defense to protect themselves and is also a valid reason for rejection. You deserve to be praised. This doesn’t require any prerequisites. Now that I have a 10-year-old Dabao and a 4-year-old second child, I find that my mood is really different. We can always discover the beauty of our children when they are young. Even if we throw something or fall down, we can boast about it, but as the children grow older, we become more and more utilitarian. Everything is about progress and results. It\’s starting to become very difficult to praise your children…it\’s not enough to do it right, you have to do it better than before, maybe you can get a little praise. How many children spend their entire lives waiting for their parents\’ approval? Children who are often denied have low self-esteem, a sense of low worth, and a sense of unworthiness. I feel that only if I pay enough, can I deserve it. Only when you do well enough do you deserve to be praised. Only by squeezing yourself dry can you enjoy it with peace of mind. Such children are the easiest targets for PUA and are always seeking approval from others. I\’m just too stupid and can\’t do anything well; for a poor person like me, it\’s good if someone plays with me, and I shouldn\’t expect respect. It must be that I\’m not doing well, so others don\’t want to play with me. These invisible children will always be on the socially disadvantaged side and are most likely to become marginalized and bullied in the group. If parents want to prevent their children from being easily PUAed and controlled by others when they grow up, they should see them more when they are young, praise them, and give them courage, confidence and love. Because the best anti-PUA education is to let children be themselves and love themselves. Let the child know that she is already good and deserves to be recognized and praised. This does not require any prerequisites. Only when a child has established a correct sense of self-worth and right and wrong will she not be easily manipulated by other people\’s thoughts. I hope that every child can become a strong-hearted person who can be independent and beautiful even if no one appreciates it.