The biggest mistake in family education: Dad is a quarrel and Mom is a bad person

Some time ago, I was invited to my best friend’s house. My best friend specially cooked several dishes for me, one of which was braised prawns in oil, which was particularly delicious. Just when there were two or three prawns left on the plate, my best friend took another one away. My best friend\’s son, Duoduo, saw the shrimps on the plate being taken away by his mother, and couldn\’t help but complain: \”Mom, please stop eating, if you eat any more shrimps, they will be gone!\” My best friend was angered by Duoduo\’s words and scolded loudly: \” How can you be so selfish? You just eat it yourself and don\’t let everyone else eat it?\” My best friend\’s husband wanted to calm down the war quickly, so he said to his best friend: \”The child is still young, don\’t be so cruel, let him do it.\” My best friend heard this. At this point, he became even angrier and replied: \”You are already 10 years old, are you still young? It would be lawless to ignore him anymore. Are there any fathers like you?\” A warm dinner ended so unhappy. In fact, in daily family life, this kind of scene is very common – the correct educational decision made by the mother out of consideration for the future of the child is ruthlessly destroyed by the father\’s \”harmony\” and \”singing the opposite tune\”. American psychologist Seidez said: People are like ceramics, and early childhood is like the clay used to make ceramics. What kind of education will be given will determine the prototype. For a family, the biggest enemy of education is that the father is a good person and the mother is a bad person. It’s easy for dad and Xi Ni to raise a child who is “a mess”. In the variety show “The Boy Who Opens His Heart”, the 11-year-old boy Wang Yuran is an out-and-out Internet addict. During the epidemic, Yu Ran secretly cracked her mother\’s payment password and rewarded all the more than 8,000 yuan on her mother\’s salary card to the anchor. In order to prevent Yu Ran from playing games, her mother set various passwords for her mobile phone. But no matter how complex the password is, Yu Ran can always crack it easily. He even knows how to sprinkle fluorescent powder on the phone screen and guess his mother\’s gesture password by observing the traces. In order to prevent him from being addicted to mobile phones, his mother, who was so broken, threatened him: \”If you dare to play, I will pinch you!\” But after hearing this, Yu Ran was not afraid at all, but asked his mother happily: \”Can you play after pinching? \”I originally thought that Yu Ran was just a naughty kid who refused to change despite repeated admonitions. However, as I learned more about it, I discovered that the root cause of Yuran\’s \”problem\” lies in his family. In Yu Ran\’s eyes, her mother is a \”tigress\” with a bad temper. Growing up, if he made a mistake, his mother would punish him. And what is dad doing? When his mother repeatedly warned Yu Ran not to play games, although his father verbally agreed, he actually often played games with his son. Even if his son loses the game, his father will encourage him. In this way, the son quickly united the front with his father. In Yu Ran\’s view, her mother is a \”bad person\” and should be given zero points or even negative points; but her father is a \”good person\” and can be given ten points. The most heartbreaking thing was when the couple was asked how they felt when they saw their son\’s \”polarized\” ratings. Mom smiled awkwardly and said nothing. But my father said with a smile that he felt good. He believed that he was a messenger of justice and had maintained peace in the family. As everyone knows, his behavior is \”harmony\”. I wanted the family to live together peacefully, but in the end I found that not only was it difficult to achieve peaceful coexistence,It will also make the mother\’s character become more and more irritable, and the child\’s character become more and more arrogant. Just like Yu Ran, he made rude remarks to his mother at a young age, saying that she had \”low education,\” \”can\’t do anything,\” and \”fat like a ball.\” Dad and Xini seem to have mediated the conflict and liberated the child\’s nature, but in fact they are indulging in the child. In the end, it is easy to raise a rebellious and disobedient problem child. Family conflicts continue to escalate as mom \”acts evil\” In the American TV series \”This Is Us,\” the wife Rebecca complains that her husband is the good guy in the family. Because her husband usually only announces vacation news to his children and sneaks them out to play, and as a mother, she has to take on the role of the \”bad guy\”. When her daughter Kate wanted to eat snacks, she immediately stopped her: \”You can\’t eat sweets anymore!\” However, Kate looked dissatisfied. She asked her son Kevin with a straight face to tell her where he had hidden his brother\’s glasses, but Kevin angrily told her: \”I hate you.\” This made Rebecca feel exhausted and frustrated. This is also the case in many Chinese families. Mom is always the strict rule-maker, the one who always says \”no\”. A mother once lamented that being a mother is so difficult! She doesn\’t let her children eat junk food because she thinks it will harm their health. But the child\’s father would always secretly bring snacks to the child at night, and he would plausibly say, \”Just eat a little, it won\’t be bad.\” She urged the child to concentrate on completing his homework at the desk, but the child kept being distracted, and she was almost anxious to death. As a result, the child\’s father would just say, \”Let him play and then write!\” She couldn\’t manage the child well, and her mood became more and more irritable. But in the end, her husband complained that she was \”more and more like a shrew!\” What\’s the point? My mother was born with a ferocious face, but she had accumulated grievances for too long. Letting mothers take on the role of \”villain\” alone will put them under tremendous psychological pressure during the parenting process. This role imbalance will cause the mother to feel anxious and exhausted, which will not only affect her physical and mental health, but also cause conflicts in the family. In the variety show \”Gold Medal Mediation\”, there was a family on the verge of collapse. The father is usually busy with work and only comes home on weekends. He rarely participates in educating his son. The son\’s daily life and education tasks all fall on the mother. After his son entered adolescence, he became rebellious, willful, and disobedient. At this time, the mother asked the father for help, hoping that he could use the dignity of a father to control his son. But the father doesn\’t want to be the bad guy because he is worried about being resented by his son and affecting the relationship between father and son. Therefore, when faced with his rebellious son, he would either remain silent and watch with cold eyes, or he would act as a peacemaker and try to calm things down. As a result, the son became more and more manic and unreasonable. Whenever his mother talked about him, he would pull his hair, cry and go crazy. The entire family is full of conflicts, and both the parent-child relationship and the relationship between husband and wife are fragmented. Behind every unfortunate family, there is a father who only knows how to keep things quiet, and a mother who is forced to \”become a villain\”. Behind every determined child is a pair of parents who share a unified front. Some time ago, a video of a father educating his two children went viral. The reason was that the two brothers were scolded by their mother for not doing their homework well., so I complained to my father, saying that my mother was \”too cruel\”. Faced with the child\’s complaint, the father did not \”sing a different tune\” with the mother, nor did he try to \”make peace\”. Instead, he told the child in a clear and logical manner: \”Doing homework is your own business, why should you wait for others to ask you? \”You are a man, you have to take responsibility for your actions.\” The father\’s answer was praised by countless netizens. He not only allowed the child to see his support for his mother, but also made the child aware of the rules of the family. There is a watch law in psychology: when a person only wears one watch, he can accurately grasp the time. When he wears two or more watches, he is unable to determine the exact time and loses confidence in time control. The same goes for educating children. If parents have inconsistent educational concepts, children will lose their sense of awe towards their parents, and the family order will also \”fall apart.\” Behind every child who steps firmly, there is a pair of parents who are united in front. Children\’s book author Rei Mikawa once shared her educational experience. When her child was in first grade, he only scored 68 points in a Chinese language test. When they saw the score, she and her husband were devastated. The two had different opinions on whether to interfere with the child\’s learning, but after discussion, they finally reached an agreement and decided not to interfere too much in the child\’s learning. But their common goal is to cultivate children\’s reading and writing habits. For the next three years, both of them strictly enforced this rule. Three years later, the child\’s Chinese scores naturally improved and were basically able to maintain first or second place. Education expert Sun Yunxiao once said that the effectiveness of education depends on the consistency of education. A child is like a delicate sapling that requires the support, pruning and guidance of the whole family in order to grow into a towering tree. Only when parents think in one place and work hard can they create a stable and orderly growth environment for their children, helping them to hold their heads high and move forward positively. Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: Parents are the greatest destiny of their children. The parenting style of parents and the family environment during childhood are of great significance to the formation of children\’s character and personality growth. Only when parents are of the same mind and the family is harmonious can they provide their children with a steady stream of love and confidence. Only in this way can children have the strength to fly higher and further under the irrigation of love. Give it a thumbs up and encourage all parents.