Such parents will never be forgiven by their children in their lifetime.

Violent language can become a deadly weapon. Verbal violence will cast a shadow on a child\’s young mind, eventually leading the child to go from the extreme of low self-esteem to another explosive extreme – self-mutilation or crime. There is a true story that happened in Rui’s mother’s hometown. Qiangzi\’s parents are ordinary farmers. Like all parents in the world, they hope that their children will become successful. The biggest wish in this life is that the children can strive for success, be admitted to a prestigious university, and leave the countryside. For this reason, they have always been very strict with their children. If their children make any mistakes, they feel that they cannot forgive them and criticize them in various ways. Since childhood, the words Qiangzi has heard the most are not the gentle words from his parents, but the countless abuses and sarcasm. I got such a simple question wrong! Are you a pig brain? This exam has dropped three places compared to the last time. Don’t you feel embarrassed? We sell iron and work hard to provide you with education, but you still think about clothes and fun, why don\’t you die? Finally, Qiangzi, who was in his third year of high school, could not bear the dual pressure of his studies and his parents, and committed suicide by jumping into a well on a cold winter night. When the villagers found him, he was no longer breathing. His clothes were neatly placed next to the well, as well as a suicide note pressed with stones. He wrote in his suicide note that because of his parents\’ frequent verbal violence, he felt that he had nothing worthy of praise and was a person not worthy of living. He could no longer bear the abuse from his parents. If death is the only way to free yourself, then die. After Qiangzi left, his mother was stimulated and went crazy. She would say to everyone she met: \”Our Qiangzi is so smart. He got first place in every exam.\” \”Our Qiangzi went to a good university and was in the city.\” He settled down with me and took me to the city soon…\” I also saw a piece of news where the boy\’s mother was ill and bedridden, and his father was a serious alcoholic and always called the boy a waste. The boy dropped out of junior high school and went to work in a factory. The workshop director had the same temper as the boy\’s father, and would call him a waste if he had any trouble. The director\’s scolding brought back the boy\’s painful memories of his father. The fuse in his heart was lit, and the boy couldn\’t bear it anymore. He made his own crossbow and shot the director without thinking, causing the director to become paralyzed. The boy also paid the price for his actions and went to jail. In prison, he said: \”The word \’waste\’ has a really great impact on me.\” The Shenyang Municipal Institute of Psychology once conducted a psychological investigation on six teenagers detained in the Shenyang Juvenile Detention Center and found that six of them People have one thing in common, that is, they have suffered intensive and brutal verbal violence in their families, and their parents often scolded them. In this life, they never want to forgive their parents. I believe that many parents have said the following to their children intentionally or unintentionally: \”Why are you so stupid? Are you a pig brain?\” \”What a waste, everyone is better than you!\” \”You just know how to eat!\” \”Just eat!\” I can’t count on you for your virtue when you get old!” “What’s the use of you! You can’t find anything! Are you blind!”… We call these words full of negative energy and personal attacks \”Verbal violence\”. Maybe some parents don\’t think this is a kind of harm.It seems that scolding children like this is because they hate iron and cannot be made into steel. It is for their own good. Other children are too lazy to scold them! Besides, whoever\’s children have never been scolded have grown up like this, so it doesn\’t matter. Qiangzi\’s parents didn\’t feel that they had done anything wrong at first. They said that the accusations against their children were all for his own good, to stimulate him and arouse his fighting spirit. Why did the children just not understand and think about it? Psychologist Cooley said: \”For everyone, others are a mirror. Individuals understand other people\’s views of themselves through social interactions, thereby forming their own self.\” Children are not like adults, they do not have mature three views. , without a clear sense of self. An adult\’s scolding may not be intentional on the part of the speaker, but intentional on the part of the listener. The world of children is very pure and their hearts are very sensitive. If you call them a waste, they may really think that they are a waste, and they will imply that to themselves for the rest of their lives; if you scold them for not dying, they will really think that their parents hate themselves and hate themselves, and then they will really die. Being insulted again and again by his parents, Qiangzi felt that he was worthless and that he was like trash in the eyes of his parents. In the end, he chose the most extreme way and ended his life at the age when he deserved to be born like a summer flower, and also gave his parents the cruelest punishment – endless thoughts and regrets. Rui\’s mother also had the experience of being scolded by her parents in her childhood. Her mother yelled, \”What else can you do?\” because she smashed a freshly washed watermelon. Her father scolded her as \”worthless\” because of her poor math scores. Fortunately, my parents love me very much, and these scoldings are not worth mentioning in the face of their deep love. However, unfortunately, after so many years, when I think of those words again, my heart still aches. Psychologist Hu Shenzhi said: \”Verbal violence is really scary. It does not cause immediate harm like violence. But verbal violence is like a knife, which cuts a sharp wound in the heart. Some people never get better in their lifetime.\” Children who have been verbally negated or verbally attacked since childhood will have a serious low self-esteem. Every word and every behavior of parents is extremely meaningful. Their insults will make the children think that they are so useless, so worthless, and so stupid. Later in life, when faced with failure or loss, these insults will come to mind, making children doubt the meaning of their existence and whether they are really what those words say. Children who are often exposed to verbal violence are more likely to have emotional expression disorders. Bi Shumin has this passage in \”Family Questions\” that illustrates this point very clearly: \”Children who grow up in a chaotic and ugly atmosphere are the painful products of shoddy families. They are the first to see and get used to it at home. Their experience in dealing with others is one of brokenness, alienation, roughness and cruelty. They are so young and lack the ability to distinguish. They think this is the model of the world. When they enter society, they will involuntarily treat others with bad family models, which will lead to disorder. And incongruity spreads to further areas.\” Children who are often exposed to verbal violence are more sensitive to interpersonal relationships. It is difficult for them to approach someone easily, trust someone, and have a heart-to-heart and intimate relationship.friend. Because the environment they grew up in made them understand a truth: intimacy hurts. The closer the person is, the more likely they are to say vicious things to them, so they would rather not have it. People will always make mistakes, and the important thing is to correct them when you recognize them. When a child makes a mistake, the parent\’s responsibility is to guide the child to make changes. They can criticize, but cannot abuse. When parents educate or criticize their children, the most important thing is to discuss the matter as it is, and do not dig out all the old sesame seeds and rotten millet things, and settle old and new accounts together. At the appropriate time, point out the children\’s problems in certain aspects, guide the children to accept criticism willingly, admit their own shortcomings and mistakes, and correct them. This is the real education. Parents should not be carried away by anger, slap a hat on their children, put a negative label on their children, use rough and vicious words to hurt their children\’s self-esteem, thus leaving a shadow on them that will never go away. Parents should remember that the violent language they blurt out in a moment will really cost their children and themselves a lot.