\”Mom, I was beaten by a classmate.\” Your reaction determines your child\’s future

I recently saw a video on the Internet that made me sad: in a school public restroom, a girl in school uniform was slapped several times and kicked to the corner by her classmates. The tied up hair was beaten to fall around the ears, and the face was beaten red. She subconsciously raised her hands to protect her face, but the abuser became more and more arrogant. This is a bullying incident in a middle school in Longchuan County, Yunnan. The girl\’s father said that he saw the video online in the early morning and burst into tears. He held his daughter in the palm of his hand and was reluctant to scold her. Who would have thought that she would be bullied and bullied by her classmates in school. Yet such things are not uncommon. If one day your child says to you: \”Mom, I was beaten by a classmate\”, how will you respond? Is it to endure the calm for a while? Or get angry and make a scene in school? Are you blaming the child for being timid and cowardly? Or should we comfort the child and face it together? Educational psychology expert Li Meijin once said: \”Children\’s feelings are often determined by their parents\’ attitudes.\” Your reaction determines your child\’s life. When a child is beaten, the parent\’s reaction is the key. This year, actor Wang Xing has become more popular with \”Mo Yu Yun Jian Jian\”. He once recalled in a variety show his experience of being bullied when he was in school. When he was in junior high school, a classmate asked him for money every day and beat him if he didn\’t give him money. Almost every time he handed over all his pocket money. However, what happened in return was that the attackers became more aggressive. Until one day, because he had no money, he was called to the toilet by the attacker. \”Many people gathered around him and slapped me hard.\” Wang Xing became angrier but did not fight back, and was sad but kept silent. This was actually because of his parents\’ reaction. \”(Regarding bullying), I asked my mother before, and my mother told me not to mess with others and not to make trouble.\” \”I didn\’t tell my parents (about being beaten in the toilet), and even if I did, I wouldn\’t get anything. I am satisfied with the solution.\” Psychologist Liz Bardori once pointed out that some children bully others not only to cause harm to the other party, but also to know where the other party\’s bottom line is. What determines a child\’s bottom line is the attitude and actions of the parents. Parents try to calm things down, \”peace is the most important thing\”, and hope that their children will stay in peace. Their original intention may be to prevent their children from getting involved in more disputes, rather than to deal with them indifferently and ignore them. But in the eyes of the child, this is to suppress the grievances in his heart, continue to endure the violence, and remain alone and helpless. Contrary to parents who \”make big things into small things\”, some parents insist on \”making small things into big problems\”. As long as one of his children is touched by something, even if it is just for fun, he will not be lenient. However, parents who always get angry over trivial matters may subtly affect their children, making them equally impulsive and irritable, with a bad temper. A netizen shared the story of his child downstairs. Since his birth, the little boy has been loved by his family. The mother especially loves her son and never leaves his side. While playing in the park, her son was pushed to the ground. The mother immediately rushed over to help her son up and dragged the \”culprit\” to his parents to complain, \”Take good care of your son and don\’t let him push my son.\” Zaisha While playing with sand in the pit, his son was shoveled with a spoonful of sand. His mother rushed over to pat his clothes, and cursed at the little girl who shoveled him, \”Where did this kid come from? He really has no tutor.\” Gradually.The boy became more and more irritable. When playing with friends and being at a disadvantage, he yells and asks his mother to help; when playing with toys by himself, if something goes wrong, he smashes the new toy and yells for his mother to comfort him. He cannot learn to live peacefully with children his own age. He was used to having people supporting him and helping him solve all his problems. Even the mother admitted, \”My son can\’t play with other children now, and his temper is getting worse and worse.\” Freud once said, \”A child\’s childhood experiences affect his or her values, personality, and behavioral orientation as an adult.\” Children see the world through their parents\’ eyes and get along with the world by learning and imitating their parents\’ behaviors. Compared with \”teaching by words\”, \”teaching by example\” is more effective. When a child is bullied, if the parents are too tolerant, they may raise a child who is \”too honest\”, does not know how to express and resist, and lives on an isolated island, silently suffering grievances. On the other hand, if parents are too irritable, they may raise equally irritable children, who live like a volcano, make a lot of noise when things happen, and lack emotional management. The reaction of parents determines the way children deal with things. How to properly handle a child being beaten affects the child\’s future. Child, I will not only teach you to beat him back. Sa Beining once asked Li Meijin, what should parents do if their child is beaten? Li Meijin said that children should be educated to fight back appropriately. However, \”appropriate counterattack\” seems simple, but in fact it is not easy. Some netizens said, \”My child didn\’t fight back when he was beaten. I have taught him many times, but he still stood there stupidly every time he was beaten.\” Another netizen said, \”My child cried sadly after the fight and said I fought back, but I couldn’t fight back at all.” Thinking about it from another perspective, if a child lacks both the awareness and ability to fight back, how should he carry out his parents’ instruction to “fight back”? Therefore, the first step in teaching children to fight back appropriately is to cultivate their awareness of \”showing the sword\”. Psychologists once conducted an \”attack and counterattack\” experiment and found that more than 80% of children will not fight back at all after being beaten, but will only cry loudly. For example, a blogger said from his own experience, \”My child is over two years old, and he doesn\’t know how to crawl when he is beaten.\” If you want your children to develop a conditioned reflex to fight back, you need guidance and education from your parents. \”I conducted simulation training for her at home. It took more than half a year for her to learn to fight back and learn to push the opponent away when being beaten.\” Only after instilling the awareness of counterattack can we continue to teach children self-defense skills. Some parents plan ahead and send their children to learn self-defense and Taekwondo early in order to \”raise an army for a thousand days and use it for a while.\” However, compared with the hard power of this kind of counterattack, some small skills of \”surprise and victory by cleverness\” are easier for children to master and have faster results. Li Meijin once told the story of her granddaughter: She had just entered kindergarten for a month when a boy lifted her up by her collar, then dropped her to the ground and hit her on a chair. Her face was swollen. Li Meijin taught her: Next time whoever does this again, you will pull his ears on both sides and he will let go. If he comes over, push him. If you can\’t push him away, just stamp his feet with your foot, and then run away. Of course, in addition to counterattack awareness and ability, parents also need to let their children grasp the scale of counterattack.Spend. You can\’t pinch people\’s necks, don\’t gouge people\’s eyes, don\’t scratch people\’s faces, and you can\’t dig at people with your nails. You must learn to make the other person feel pain without causing harm. As Cai Kangyong said: \”We believe that fighting back is necessary. Rather than the power to fight back, we must cultivate the wisdom of children to fight back.\” Fighting back is only a means, not an end. Educating children to fight back appropriately is to allow them to protect themselves, rather than to respond to violence with violence. Children, don’t stop at fighting back. Is “fighting back” the end of the problem? Actually, not so. Letting children learn to solve problems independently and have the ability to deal with interpersonal relationships is the purpose of our education. A mother shared the story of her daughter: She had just entered elementary school for half a month. When she came home, she pouted in grievance, with tears like broken beads. She sobbed and said that she was slapped by the deputy squad leader today, and she felt really bad. face. The mother was so frightened that she put down the vegetables she was cooking, picked up her daughter\’s hair and took a closer look. She calmed down after repeatedly confirming that her daughter was fine. Next, my mother did these three things. First, comfort your daughter’s emotions and sympathize with your daughter’s feelings. \”Are you sad that you were bullied?\” \”Do you need your mother to stay with you for a while?\” Second, determine the nature of the matter. But when the child\’s emotions stabilize, he can understand how things happened. Is it a fight between children or school bullying? How did the school and teachers handle it? Third, if the problem is not serious enough, encourage children to solve it on their own. If problem solving is beyond the child\’s ability, parent intervention is essential. At the end of this incident, the mother accompanied her daughter to the school to explain the matter clearly. With the help of the teacher, the daughter received an apology from the attacker, and the incident came to a successful conclusion. As Professor Shen Yifei said: Sooner or later, children will leave their parents and interact with different people. There are people who like them, people who don’t like them, and some who even do things. So our ultimate goal is to teach children Deal with and solve problems. Friction is inevitable. As long as there is no intentional harm or bullying, children can choose to rebuild friendship after resolving conflicts. As parents, we must teach our children the ability to recognize people and objects, so that they can not only have the ability to solve problems, but also give them the wisdom of interpersonal communication. Let the children understand when to cut the knot with a sharp knife and keep a respectful distance, and when to forget the grudges with a smile and avoid acquaintance without fighting. Parents love their children and have far-reaching plans. We can only accompany our children for a while, but we cannot protect them for a lifetime. Even if you can protect a child from wind and rain when he is young, the chick will eventually leave the nest and soar into the sky and earth. What we can do is to equip the child with wings for self-defense, counterattack, and problem-solving before he takes off. One to keep him safe. In the face of abusers, dare to draw your sword, be able to draw your sword, and never remain silent or weak. The other one helps him move with ease. Even if Mount Tai collapses in front of him, his appearance remains unchanged. He has the courage to face danger and the ability to stand alone. Let’s encourage all parents.