These behaviors of children are obviously a lack of love, and parents proudly think that they have \”high emotional intelligence\”

With the development of educational concepts, more and more parents are not only concerned about their children\’s academic performance. I am also very concerned about whether the child\’s emotional intelligence is sufficient. It is generally believed that children who are smooth and talkative have high emotional intelligence. Being able to have good interpersonal relationships in the future will make it easier to achieve success. In fact, in early childhood, some children\’s tactfulness is not reflected in their high emotions. It\’s a lack of love, if parents can\’t provide timely guidance. It will have a very profound impact on the children. As a parent, I also hope that my children can be sensible. Don\’t be willful or messy, be polite, considerate, and loving. But these beautiful qualities must be formed spontaneously by children, rather than being \”forced\” by the outside world. Because the \”sensible\” and \”good\” people who are forced out are not high in emotional intelligence. It\’s just a sign that the child lacks care and feels insecure. Behind the Overly \”Sensible\” Take a child I took care of before as an example. We called him Xiaojie. A child as young as eight years old can always observe what is happening at family gatherings. Say things that make adults feel comfortable at the right time, and even take the initiative to mediate disputes between adults. Whenever this happens, Xiaojie\’s parents are always full of pride, believing that their child has outstanding emotional intelligence and a promising future. However, upon careful observation, it is not difficult to find that Xiaojie\’s \”sensibleness\” does not come naturally. It is gained through long-term observation, imitation and even sacrifice of self-needs in the family. He is afraid that his true feelings will attract criticism or neglect, so he chooses to cater to others in exchange for attention and recognition. This seemingly high emotional intelligence behavior is actually a manifestation of the child\’s lack of inner security and desire to be loved. These behaviors of children indicate lack of love and insecurity. 01 Parents who are too sensible and please others probably want their children to be as worry-free as possible. \”Sensible\” children will be loved by adults no matter where they go. However, children who are too sensible actually lack love. When being sensible turns into blind obedience, parents should be careful of its \”side effects\”. I have a classmate who once told me that her parents often quarreled when she was a child. He developed the ability to observe people\’s emotions at a young age. He was well-behaved and sensible in front of his parents and never dared to act coquettishly or make demands. She said that when she grew up, she always worried about not being able to do anything well and cared about other people\’s opinions and evaluations. In \”Reply 1988\”, there is a classic line: \”Sensible children just don\’t make trouble unreasonably. They just adapt to the environment where they should behave maturely and get used to the misunderstood eyes of others.\” 02 I am withdrawn and don\’t like to communicate with others. I have a friend who is a primary school teacher. She told me the story of a boy in her class. The boy is in fourth grade. He is very withdrawn and always keeps to himself. One night, a friend suddenly received a WeChat message from the boy\’s grandmother: The boy\’s father and mother had divorced since he was a child. His father was busy with work and was often away from home. Can his grandmother attend tomorrow\’s school activities instead? A friend said that the school held a Mother’s Day activity and invited the mothers of all the children in the class to the classroom. When the boy learned about this activity, he couldn’t help but cry when he came home. It turns out that this child became like this because he lacked the company of his parents.Solitary and low self-esteem. With too little parental presence, children will not only lose their sense of security, but will also become timid without the comfort and encouragement of family members. Over time, a character of low self-esteem and timidity develops. He is timid, does not like to communicate with others, and often acts alone. Faced with these behaviors of children, how should parents reflect and adjust? First of all, parents should learn to listen to their children’s true voices and pay attention to their emotional needs. Every child is a unique individual and has the right to express their own feelings and needs rather than be molded into what their parents expect. Second, establish an open and inclusive family atmosphere and encourage children to express themselves, including their joys, sorrows and joys. When children feel the warmth and support of their families, they will naturally face life more confidently and truly. Third, parents should establish correct educational concepts and realize that children’s growth is not only the improvement of intelligence and skills, but also the perfection of emotions and personality. While cultivating children\’s emotional intelligence, we must also pay attention to the establishment of their emotional health and self-worth. Fourth, parents should be their children’s strongest backing and provide them with unconditional love and support no matter what difficulties and challenges they encounter. Let children know that no matter how they behave, they are the most precious existence in their parents\’ hearts.