When I became an \”unreasonable\” mother, my daughter finally got rid of her bad habits of being tired of studying and addicted to mobile phones.

01 My daughter is 14 years old and is in the second grade of junior high school. She was originally a very sensible child, her grades were always among the best in elementary school, and she was very attentive to her studies, so we basically didn’t need to worry. But in junior high school, especially starting from the first semester of junior high school, my daughter became more and more tired of studying and her ranking gradually fell behind. and! I also found that she was addicted to her mobile phone and couldn\’t help herself. After finishing my homework every day, I have to look at my phone for an hour. If I\’m not playing games, I\’m just watching those short, nutritious videos. If I don’t remind and urge her repeatedly, she can hold her cell phone until midnight. We often argue about mobile phones. I think she is addicted to mobile phones and eager to have fun, which affects her enthusiasm for learning: If you have that time, it is better to go to bed early and have a good rest, so that you can be energetic for school the next day. However, my daughter complained all the time, saying that she had studied hard and was tired all day long, and only when she was looking at her phone could she truly feel relaxed and happy. If you don\’t give her this time, your life will really not be bright at all. We kept arguing like this until the second grade of junior high school. The first monthly exam gave us a slap in the face! The moment I saw the results, I felt a buzz in my head. There were 53 people in the class, and my daughter got 48th place in the exam! This ranking is hard for me to accept. You know, in elementary school, my daughter never fell out of the top of the class. In the first year of junior high school, even though her grades were gradually declining, her daughter was still among the dozen or so in the class and was above average. Who would have thought that when she entered the second grade of junior high school, she would score last in the exam? When I got home, I got furious and used many hurtful words to scold her for the first time. I scolded her for not being strong, for not being motivated, for not being a good top student, for not being a good student, for being self-destructive, and for being willing to fall last in the exam! Can you please give me some excuses, try to save some face, and see how bad your grades are? Starting today, your phone will be confiscated, so don’t even think about touching it again! After studying like this, how can you have the nerve to play games and look at your phone confidently? My daughter burst into tears after being scolded by me, and she didn\’t dare to mention the cell phone again. After my phone was confiscated, she didn\’t have a chance to read it, but her academic performance didn\’t improve at all. I act like a wooden person every day, attending classes, doing homework, and talking little. What worries me even more is that my daughter’s dislike of studying seems to have become more serious. Sitting at her desk without a mobile phone, she didn\’t pay attention to studying, and her study status became even worse. Seeing my daughter\’s dejected look, I was so anxious that I hated iron and felt that she just couldn\’t hold up the wall! At such a critical time in the second grade of junior high school, if you don’t know how to work hard and don’t study hard, if you don’t get into high school in the future, will you really go to a vocational high school or a technical secondary school? ! 02 In order to eliminate my daughter’s dislike of studying and get her back on track as soon as possible, I put my thoughts aside and tried to reason with her, hoping that she would wake up as soon as possible. But these are of no use at all. She said \”I know, I will use my heart\”, but she couldn\’t see any action at all. No way, I also started to pay attention to the relevant knowledge of adolescent education, reading books, watching classes, and looking at cases… After a period of study and reflection, I gradually figured out the truth about my daughter being tired of studying and addicted to mobile phones – she could not experience academic achievements. Children who are sensitive will not fall in love with learning. And mobile phones are just a way for children to escape from study and the real world. In fact, when a childWhen the mobile phone problem became serious, and he even started to become addicted to it, it coincided with the stage when he lacked a sense of achievement in his studies. This is because when children begin to struggle with learning and gain less sense of accomplishment, this negative experience can make children feel uncomfortable. If he cannot find fulfillment in real life, he will look for it in other areas. The mobile phone is the virtual world that children are most easily exposed to. In the game, children can experience a sense of accomplishment through winning the battle. When watching short videos, one video after another will bring rich stimulation to the brain, making children forget the frustrations in real life. Reading novels and deeply immersing children in the storyline will also immerse children into a \”different world\” that is different from reality. Making friends and chatting can also meet children\’s missing daily social needs and find partners and group identity. Before, I always believed that my daughter started to get tired of studying and her grades got worse because she looked at her mobile phone. Because she spent a lot of time on her mobile phone and her mind was not on studying, she became uninterested in studying. Now, I understand. The essential reason why my daughter loses motivation to study and is addicted to mobile phones is precisely because of the lack of sense of achievement. Therefore, if you want to help her get rid of her dislike of learning and regain her motivation for learning, the key is to lead her to regain a sense of accomplishment. I used the following three methods to re-establish trust with my daughter step by step, guide her to manage her mobile phone, help her achieve good results in her studies, and reawaken her motivation and enthusiasm for learning. 031. Rebuild trust with children, repair parent-child relationships, and establish a \”bridge of trust\” to jointly manage mobile phones. When many parents find out that their children are addicted to mobile phones, the first thing they do when they are angry is to control their mobile phones. Either confiscate, restrict usage rights, control time, or even disconnect from the Internet. These methods may be able to physically isolate children from mobile phones, but they will also push children further and further away, making it impossible for children to really engage in learning. Because when we grab a child’s mobile phone, we are robbing the child of a “friend” and directly pushing the child to the opposite side. Children will regard us as enemies in their hearts. At this time, the two parties are in a confrontational relationship and cannot communicate smoothly at all. No matter how correct you are, the child is not willing to listen. Therefore, in order for children to put down their mobile phones and put down their confrontational emotions, parents must re-establish a trusting relationship with their children, raise them as relatives, and stand with them. For this reason, I sincerely apologized to my daughter and told her: I\’m sorry, mom took your phone away violently and scolded you so harshly. Mom now realizes that she was wrong, and she is also learning. How to be a better mother, are you willing to forgive your mother? My daughter couldn\’t hold back her tears all of a sudden. She choked and said, \”I actually didn\’t blame you. I made a mistake myself. Mom, I\’m sorry.\” I quickly reached out and hugged her, and I suddenly realized that our mother and I hadn\’t hugged each other so quietly for a long time. That night, I also returned the confiscated mobile phone to my daughter and told her: When you are tired from studying, look at your mobile phone for a while to relax and have fun. We also understand and support it. We just hope that you can control and manage it well so that it does not affect your sleep. and learning. We believe you can do this if you feel thereDifficulty, are you willing to do it with us? My daughter readily agreed and told us: \”If I fail to do it, please remind me first. I may delay it for a while, but I will definitely let it go after a few minutes. Don\’t rush me.\” Me.\” I readily agreed. Later, my daughter did what she said most of the time. When she failed to do it, I didn\’t lose my temper. Instead, I would review it with her later: \”What happened at that time and affected you? Next time we will How to avoid similar situations? \”In the process of continuous review, guide your daughter to think rationally, think of countermeasures, and gradually improve her self-management ability during the review. 2. Provide adequate support to children, especially psychologically and emotionally. Giving children an outlet for their emotions to repair the parent-child relationship is the first step in solving mobile phone problems. But if children cannot release their pain and negative emotions in real life, they will still turn to their mobile phones to get comfort. This is also the reason why many children would rather confide to strangers online than communicate with their parents. Faced with heavy learning tasks and competitive pressure, adolescent children are actually full of helplessness. But every time I complain to my parents, I often get incomprehension and reprimand from them: Everyone is like this, so why are you the only one who has so much to do? Can you stop complaining every day and focus on studying! Don\’t make excuses for yourself. Looking at your phone less and reading more books is better than anything else. Gradually, the children become unwilling to communicate with their parents. Stress and negative emotions cannot be released in real life, but they can be relieved in the virtual network. Exciting games, fresh short videos, online jokes…the happier you are when looking at your mobile phone, the harder it will be to devote yourself to studying. Finally, we entered a vicious cycle of \”addicted to mobile phones – tired of studying and unable to learn\”. In order to let my daughter release stress and negative emotions and have something to rely on in real life, I no longer use a critical and educational attitude to get along with her. Instead, I cared about what she really thought, tried to understand how she felt, and asked what she needed from me. I was willing to listen to her troubles, without trying to reason with her or judging whether her ideas were right or wrong. I just listened to her quietly and then asked her: \”Do you want me to do anything for you?\” Slowly , my daughter confided more and more. She told me: In fact, every time she plays with her mobile phone, she is not that happy. Because there is always a voice in my mind saying, it’s time to learn, there are still so many things I don’t know. But the more pressure I feel, the more I want to escape. In fact, I hate myself like this. I told her: You just can\’t do it now, but it\’s great to know what you should do. Don\’t worry, mom will always be with you, support you, and help you. Accepting children\’s shortcomings and providing emotional support can effectively reduce children\’s dependence on mobile phones. When children find that when they get along with and talk to their parents, they will not be criticized or taught, but accepted and tolerated, they can gain a sense of security, energy, and the courage to overcome difficulties. 3. Calm down and observe the specific difficulties your children encounter in learning, help them solve the difficulties effectively, and improve their learning results. In fact, the core reason why my daughter is tired of studying and addicted to mobile phones isLack of sense of achievement in learning. Why is the same child so diligent and studious and with excellent grades in primary school? Because she is competent in the primary school learning content and continues to gain a sense of accomplishment, value and other good experiences. In junior high school, my daughter could not adapt to the intensity of study well, and her content was falling behind more and more. We did not notice it in time and provide effective support. Eventually, my daughter, who had less and less sense of achievement in her studies, began to get tired of studying and turned to her mobile phone for comfort. Therefore, what I want to do is to help my daughter find a sense of accomplishment and become a winner in learning. Through communication and analysis, I found that my daughter\’s shortcomings mainly lie in science, and her English and Chinese scores are still good. If you want to learn science well, you don\’t have to just work hard. If the thinking in this area is weak, not only will the child not be able to learn, but it will also make the child feel frustrated and hit hard. I consulted several parents and connected my daughter with a math teacher with a good reputation. This teacher is very experienced. After a few classes, he formulated a targeted plan to correct her daughter\’s leaks and successfully mobilized her daughter\’s enthusiasm. When my daughter came home, she happily told me, \”Mom, the teacher you found for me is so awesome. I can understand everything she says! I feel like math is not that difficult anymore!\” Just like this step-by-step tutoring and training, My daughter discovered that she now knows and can do the questions and knowledge points that she did not dare to think about in the past. By restoring her self-confidence bit by bit and experiencing a sense of accomplishment, my daughter has re-entered the cycle of learning and achievement. My daughter no longer felt intimidated by the next math test. Her scores are getting higher every time, and her confidence is growing day by day. Even though she knew that there would be more difficult content waiting for her next, she believed that she could overcome it through hard work. Once you have restored your learning experience in one subject, you will naturally become competent in other subjects. In this way, my daughter\’s overall score has improved, and her ranking has moved forward little by little. Now, my daughter still uses mobile phones. But her dependence on her mobile phone has significantly reduced, and she watches it for a while every day as a way to relax. The days when I would hold onto my phone and argue with me just to play with it for a while are gone forever. Watching my daughter’s transformation before and after, I deeply realize that making progress and improving grades bring a sense of accomplishment and value to children, far more than a mobile phone. A small sense of accomplishment will accumulate and turn into a great sense of competence, which will turn into his general self-confidence in this matter. Even if there will be many difficulties in the future, he will still believe that he can overcome it. And every accumulation of sense of achievement will make him work harder in life. What we parents have to do is to help the child in front of us who is tired of studying and loves to play with mobile phones achieve a real victory!