If your child procrastinates, there is a high probability that you did this.

The issue of procrastination can be said to rank among the top three behaviors that parents are dissatisfied with their children. Among procrastinations, the three most unbearable ones for parents are three types of procrastination: procrastination in doing homework, procrastination in getting up, and procrastination in taking a bath. Parents\’ understanding of their children\’s procrastination is that this child has poor self-discipline, and this child just follows his father (if she is the mother). I asked her: What next? She said: Then I will ask you for help. How can I improve my child\’s procrastination? My old routine is: the first person in the family to notice that their child is procrastinating? Who cares more about her procrastination? She nodded: Me, because I take care of the children more. When she came to see me, the child was 15 years old and a second-year junior high school student. At this age, my mother even came up with a word called \”management\”. That\’s something wrong. She said that children have to do their homework every day after 12 o\’clock, and when it comes to writing essays, it has to be after one o\’clock. Therefore, I stared at panda eyes every morning, and the teacher reported that my spirit in the first class was very low. I learned that the average time it takes for a class to complete homework is two and a half hours, which means most people finish it around 10 o\’clock. Therefore, she has reason to believe that the child suffers from procrastination. I asked her: How do you manage it? She said: I gave her a lot of tools. For example, Pomodoro, for example, there is an APP for children to study together online. Another example is taking him to the library on weekends. Because the atmosphere there is good, it will definitely be more efficient. As a result, each method was only useful once or twice, and it quickly returned to its original shape. I said: You really worked hard. Perhaps, precisely because the mother worked so hard, the child\’s motivation to change has receded. I told her that based on my experience, the reason why children have obvious procrastination problems is. Generally there are three reasons. First: Get parents concerned This is a common cause of behavioral problems in all children. For example, if a child cannot see his parents for a long time, or if his parents seriously lack attention to him or have insufficient emotional connection, the child will have various problems to attract his parents\’ attention. When parents find out that their children failed a test, got into fights at school, stole things, or stayed up late every day doing homework. Parents will be anxious. When they are anxious, even if they criticize, criticize and scold, it will satisfy their children\’s expectation of being noticed. This problem does not exist in this family. Because parents are there every day, and couples pay more attention to their children\’s growth and value companionship (using \”anxiety\” to accompany them). Second: Children are learning from a parent\’s words and deeds, and the most important thing is to teach by example. This body refers to the subconscious mind. Contains all behaviors, language and emotional habits of parents. This parent said: It’s all my husband’s problem. My husband is also very slow and can’t even come out of the bathroom for half an hour. They are all bad examples set by him. When I heard her complaining about her husband, I was also happy. Because the more she talked, the clearer the situation within their family became. I smiled and said: That\’s not easy for you. There are two slow people to deal with. Her eyes lit up: Teacher, you understand me so well. I get annoyed by them every day. I thought to myself, if you listened to my third reason, you might be pissed at yourself. Third: There is a parent who is interfering with the child’s rhythm. The parent mentioned a problem.Key information: The child started procrastinating in the 5th grade. I asked her what was happening in their family at that time. She told me: There was nothing special, it was just that she changed her job. It turns out that she works in the market and is often very busy. My husband takes better care of the children. Later, her gastritis became more serious, so she changed her job so that she didn\’t have to work overtime and was close to home. It\’s just that the income is down. This is the answer. What emotions are related to gastritis? Anxious. In the past, she was very busy at work, so she brought all this emotion to work. She would go to bed when she got home and not take care of her children. Then the child is safe. Later, she changed jobs. Not only did she get off work early, but she also had a lot of free time at work. So she began to spend a lot of time on how to better educate her children. She bought a lot of primary school education materials. I also went to privately find teachers to give my children tutoring. It has a good name: go all out to support the growth of children. I said: You are trying your best to promote your children to become talented. So we found the root cause of children\’s procrastination, which is that mothers are trying to educate their children in their own way, and then the children use equal force to resist the \”education\” of their parents. This is the balance of action and reaction. Many families are like this. I also know a junior high school student. When he was brought to me, his eyes were twitching. The family always thought it was a physical disease and went to the ophthalmologist three times to get various eye drops. Mixed drops, the effect is not obvious. As soon as I saw the child and assessed him, I knew she had physical symptoms of anxiety. Needless to say, there must be an anxious parent at home. At that time, both parents came. I looked at where they were sitting. The father sat next to the child and kept teaching the child how to answer questions. I knew that the child was burned by the father\’s anxiety. Later I told them: Children can relieve tics through hypnosis training. But your family needs to adjust, otherwise it will happen again. Parents asked how to adjust. I said: Dad had better go on a business trip or find a busier job. The mother laughed, and the father was puzzled: Teacher, I gave up my promotion for the sake of my child, because the child\’s growth is irreversible. I said: Because of this, you can no longer put pressure on him. The current situation in your family is that you are on your child\’s back, and your child has to carry you on his back every day. He was tired and anxious and couldn\’t walk. If you continue, you will get tired of studying. Mom said: Teacher, you are so right. I thought so too. This mother always responds to me easily, and I like her very much. She is the most beneficial resource in this family. Two weeks later, my father sent me a message saying that he was actually sent to work in Shenzhen by his employer and would be leaving for a year. He said he could only come back twice a month. I said: Now the child\’s symptoms will disappear soon. Sure enough, a week after dad left, I found that the child\’s eye twitching disappeared. This is not a miracle. Because the father\’s anxiety is removed, the child\’s stress response disappears. Back to the delayed case. Since the mother changed her job, she actually faced two problems: her unwillingness to let her career go downhill, and how to arrange the large amount of remaining time. There is a wrong logic that when parents find that it is too difficult for them to succeed, they place their hopes on their children. Children will be spurred by their parents. soI said to the mother, you did very well in the workplace in the past, and you loved that job. As for stomach problems, you just need to deal with your anxiety and adjust your daily routine. There is no need to give up the future directly. When you take responsibility for your own future, and on the premise of maintaining your health, move forward steadily towards your life goals without giving up. Your child can learn how to take responsibility for his life. Later, the mother made a decision to improve her physical and mental condition herself. When her condition improved, she returned to her original career track. The child\’s learning status is getting better day by day, and his homework speed has kept up with the class average. The above cases are not uncommon. When parents find that their children are procrastinating, there is a high probability that the parents are anxious about their own living conditions. Instead of dealing with their own anxiety, the parents pass the anxiety to their children by reminding and urging them, and the children will inevitably have problems. . Therefore, behind children\’s procrastination, they are reminding parents: Go do your own thing, give me my space, and let me do my own thing at my own pace!