Getting along with adolescent children: Parents should trust their children and stand with them

01 My eldest daughter’s midterm exam results are out, and they are pretty good. She is within the top 10 in her math grade, and her overall score is within 15% of the school grade. The child is very happy and I congratulate the child. When the individual subject scores reach the top of the school level, the child regains his confidence and has hope of getting into his ideal high school. Just like fighting a war, you need a small victory to boost your confidence. At the beginning of the second grade of junior high school, the child experienced a trough and difficult time. It can be said that this is the reason why the child lacks confidence the most as she grows up, and begins to doubt her own ability. In the past, regardless of whether she did well or poorly in the exam, she thought it was just that she did not perform well. At this stage she already doubted her abilities. I have spent every day with my children for the past two months. The teacher sent a message that the child\’s math has seriously declined and he cannot keep up with the teacher\’s pace in class. He got 8 out of 10 questions wrong. I couldn’t understand physics either. After the teacher finished speaking, I almost didn’t get the homework right, which shocked the child completely. She always said that girls cannot learn physics well, especially when she saw that the top physics students in the class were all boys, which further verified her idea. Creatures don’t understand it either. If they don’t understand it, they don’t want to hear it anymore. 02 I told my child\’s situation to her father, and the father said that the child just couldn\’t do it. He said that when he was in elementary school, when he gave lectures to his child, he found that he couldn\’t understand it well and couldn\’t speak Chinese well. Junior high school was a little more difficult, especially in junior high school. I want you to face the learning difficulties encountered by your children together. You have found a bunch of children\’s shortcomings. How could this help the child? I simply stopped talking to him. It doesn\’t help, but it hurts the children. I encourage my children every day, no matter who doesn’t believe in you, mom will believe in you, and mom will stand with you. I told the child to calm down. No matter what, you are fine and your mother loves you. Learning is a process of hard work and the results are uncontrollable. Where we fall, we get up. We are not in a hurry, and we make breakthroughs one knowledge point after another. We don\’t care about test scores. Mom always cares about you as a person, so just study hard and do your best. After the children calmed down, they began to reflect on themselves, identify weak situations and knowledge points that they did not know, and found explanations on the Internet, and began to make breakthroughs one by one. Those who didn’t understand and those who didn’t know how to speak also started asking me to speak. In this way, by chasing up day by day, the child\’s self-confidence is gradually built up. I told me today that I have this ability, and my next final goal is to reach 10% of the school level. 03 American psychologist Rogers emphasized: \”Love is deep understanding and acceptance.\” When parents choose to believe in their children, they are actually conveying an unconditional love to their children. This kind of love is not because the child has good grades or outstanding performance, but simply because the child is our child. With this kind of trust and love, children will have the courage and strength to face the various confusions and challenges of adolescence. When children encounter difficulties in school, whether it is learning difficulties or conflicts with classmates, if the children know that their parents trust them, they will be more willing to talk to their parents. On the contrary, if parents always doubt, deny, and disbelieve their children, the children will gradually close their hearts and isolate themselves from their parents. Parents cannot help their children.