I am 39 years old and have worked in the education industry for more than 10 years. I have come to the conclusion that ordinary families really do not need to be too involved with their children.

01 I saw a post on Zhihu yesterday. A teacher who teaches at a university said: Being a university teacher nowadays really makes people less enthusiastic because many students have become lifeless from the first day they enter university. . During their primary and secondary school years, they were deprived of their vitality due to heavy academic work. All that is left is a stiff body, and the soul is already far away from itself, unable to find the meaning of life. Just like Zhang Xifeng, a top student at Hengshui Middle School who once made the remark that \”native pigs overtake cabbages\” said: It\’s good to be alive, but it doesn\’t matter if you die. This may be the consequence of constantly \”rolling babies\” and \”chicken babies\”. Think about many children in primary and secondary schools who really don’t have a life of their own. As soon as I open my eyes every day, there are studies, homework, and tutoring classes. My body and mind are controlled by the outside world, and I have no time to think at all. In addition, some parents are dissatisfied with their current situation, so they become more strict with their children. The reason why I am like this is because I did not study well and did not have a good diploma. I must not let my children be like me. Therefore, under the dual pressure of external and internal psychology, parents unlimitedly squeeze their children\’s time and energy. Euphemistically saying: I am doing this all for your own good. Children\’s mental development is immature and they are easily affected by the attitudes of their parents and the outside world. As a result, I was forced to give up the nature that should belong to children early and began to roll my hair. But can this way of educating children really help them stand out in social competition? Or is it just to relieve parents\’ own inner anxiety? After working in the education industry for more than ten years and interacting with more than a thousand students and parents, I came to the conclusion that ordinary families really do not need to put too much pressure on their children\’s studies, because it is very likely that it will be useless. 02Why do you say that? There are three reasons. Let me tell you in detail. First of all, whether a child can achieve social success is not solely determined by whether he studies well or not. It is the result of a combination of factors. Whether we are willing to admit it or not, the fate of many children has been determined since birth. Parents\’ thoughts, knowledge, structure, and economic conditions have already determined what kind of person their children will become in the future. I have seen many children who came from ordinary families and worked hard to get into key universities. After many years, they basically returned to their original circles. And the more well-behaved and obedient a child is, the harder it is to break through the circle. On the contrary, those who can change their destiny, or even change the destiny of the entire family, have an experience that turned the original family upside down. The people we see who change their destiny through reading are not determined by the role of reading itself, but more by their personality. Whether a child studies well or not is just an appearance. Whether a child can achieve social success and study well is only one aspect, but it is definitely not the whole story. If we are forced by social and inner pressure to focus all our attention on our children\’s learning, we will inevitably miss the growth of other aspects of our children. For example, children may lack empathy and empathy as a result. I have seen news before that in a middle school in Shanghai, a student fainted in a physical education class. A classmate next to him saw it, but he was still doing his own thing and was indifferent to his classmate\’s fainting. Maybe in his heartToo indifferent, thinking it has nothing to do with me. Or maybe he has never been taught how to deal with emergencies like this. The final result was that it took two minutes for a student to raise his hand to report to the teacher, but no one dared to step forward to help him. The rules and regulations have sealed away the passion and kindness of the children, which is really a sad thing. If testing children\’s academic achievements is based on sacrificing humanity, what will happen if they win? In addition, the reason why many parents trouble their children is due to their inner lack of self-confidence. Many parents of chicken babies like to say this: I will be like this all my life. You must not be like me. If you are like me, you will be finished. Perhaps the parents\’ original intention is to stimulate their children to work hard, but their approach is to teach their children to become inferior and timid. If parents think that they are a puddle of mud, then their children will not have the ambition to become successful. 03 Parents are the originals of their children. If you want to skip the originals and get a perfect copy, it must be impossible. Therefore, it is better to trouble yourself than to trouble your children. Self-improvement does not mean how much money you earn or how high your social achievements are, but that you must learn to live in the present and learn to accept it. If you are mediocre, try to live in peace with your mediocre self; if you are talented in a certain area, try to go all out. Give up unrealistic fantasies and allow yourself to be an ordinary person who works hard to live. Children raised by parents who don’t have ambitions, don’t complain, and are emotionally stable people are likely to be good at everything. At the same time, working hard to learn a skill can not only provide children with a more relaxed economic environment, but also teach children at a close distance what it means to have nothing difficult in the world, as long as there is a dedicated person. When a child sees the efforts of his parents, he will believe from the bottom of his heart that nothing in this world is difficult. Only when a person feels that the matter is not difficult from the bottom of his heart can he face the difficulties. This is how inner positive self-confidence is built. If you want your children to achieve better results when they grow up, in addition to setting a good example for your children, there is another important thing. That is to stimulate the child\’s own potential. Every child comes into this world with his or her own energy. The first step in stimulating your child\’s potential is not to suck your child. If we deprive children of their autonomy and impose our own ideas on them, we are sucking the child\’s energy to feed ourselves. We do not want to be blood-sucking parents, but blood-donating parents. I found that families that have been rich for three generations have this characteristic: parents think that their children are better than themselves, and they are not qualified to teach their children. Such parents have no inner problems and will not control their children in order to maintain inner order. Parents put forward their own ideas and let their children make their own judgments. Give your child advice, but don\’t interfere with his decision-making power. I love you not as I wish, but as you are. This is the best starting point for ordinary families to give their children.