I consulted three parents of top academics and found out the truth: if parents are lazy in these three ways, their children will be better…

\”I never took care of my child. He learned it all by himself.\” I feel very depressed every time I hear parents of top academics say this. As an old mother who usually works hard and takes care of every detail to raise her children, I see videos like this every day, \”Parents must not be lazy about these things\”, \”Parents must work hard at these stages\”… I can\’t wait to see them. For every point of view, I say: \”Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!\” However, when the point of view falls into reality, it is not the case. I tried hard enough, but not only did my child not become a top student, he became more and more annoyed with me. Every time I mentioned studying, the look in his eyes when he slammed the bedroom door reminded me of the saying \”An enemy meets his enemy.\” Jealous outside.\” At this time, when I heard the calm remarks from the parents of the top students, I couldn\’t calm down at all. To be honest, I also want to do what the parents of high school students say and don’t care about anything. However, when I look back at my miserable child, he is like this no matter what he does. If he really doesn’t care about him, what will happen to him? So I still feel that the parents of top academics say this because they are either too self-effacing or out of pure Versailles. Or it\’s just like what Zhang Xuefeng said, \”There is smoke coming out of the ancestral graves. No, the smoke is not enough. I got it.\” He met a gifted god of learning and was reincarnated. But I am depressed. As an old mother who loves to learn and can grow in the new era, based on my convenience as a teacher, I still choose to observe carefully, and seriously consult the parents of top students to observe the daily life between them and their children. Only then did I understand that there are no parents who really don\’t care about their children. It\’s just that they are more \”lazy\” than us. Observation Diary 1: Parents of top academics are \”lazy\” and \”steal\” their efforts. The first family of top academics is a father and son. The child\’s father graduated from one of the top universities in the country, but his son\’s grades have been mediocre since he was a child. However, after entering junior high school, his grades have improved by leaps and bounds. At that time, we all felt that this was a genuine genetic advantage. It wasn\’t until I heard some details from the child\’s father that I discovered that this child\’s progress really cannot be concluded based on simple IQ. The boy\’s father was born in a rural area in the northwest. When he was a child, his family was poor and he could only eat steamed buns and had to walk a long way to school. I was afraid of poverty when I was a child, so I tried my best to study. If you don’t understand the knowledge points, just memorize them over and over again; if you don’t do the exercises correctly, just do them again and again. Relying on the desperate energy in his body, he walked out of the ravine little by little. Because he relied on studying hard to counterattack back then, after his son was born, he worked hard to prevent his son from losing at the starting line. Unexpectedly, my son\’s performance was so disappointing. At the beginning, under the \”high pressure\” of his father, his son did lead in his grades for a while. However, as his son grew older, he learned more and more things, became increasingly unable to do what he wanted, and his attitude towards learning became more and more negative. . This is understandable. After all, the amount of knowledge and information that children are exposed to now has increased several times compared to what we did back then. It is indeed very stressful to study hard. And the most important thing is that his son grew up in a different environment than he did, and his inner driving force for learning is completely different. The words that inspired him to rush forward, \”Study hard and change your destiny\”, said to his son that it was fundamentally different. Useless! But fortunately, I foundAfter asking the question, he reflected in time and allowed himself and his son to \”slow down\”. As soon as the rhythm slowed down, he noticed that the first change was that the atmosphere at home relaxed first, and he became less anxious. He slowed down and stopped pushing too hard, but his son began to take the initiative and be active. And the most surprising thing is that his son\’s interest in learning has also increased, and he has begun to discuss some learning problems with him, and sometimes even takes the initiative to ask him for learning methods. It is no longer like before, he has to be forced and urged to study reluctantly. Only then did he suddenly realize that he had been putting too much effort into his child\’s study. His excessive exertion had already made the child breathless. There is an old saying: \”Everything in the world has its limits, and everything without limits is also a sea of ​​suffering.\” If parents try too hard, their own mentality will be out of balance, and the pressure caused by the imbalance will be passed on to their children. Children\’s learning itself is a process of gradual enlightenment. Parents should not try too hard to let their children retain some energy for self-study. No matter how great the external drive is, it cannot be as effective as the child\’s self-drive. Observation diary 2: The parents of the top academic are \”stealing\” and hoarding the \”lazy\” second top academic, who is a girl. When I talked with her mother, I found that this girl\’s grades have been very stable. Moreover, this child\’s mentality and state are also very stable, somewhat \”calm\” in everything he encounters. When sorting out this child\’s performance line with her mother, I also discovered a surprising point. This girl\’s performance at each stage is a gradual increase process. For example, when she first entered junior high school, her first grade was actually not very good, but looking at her performance statistics for the three years of junior high school, almost all of them were rising steadily. The beautiful lines of results made our old mothers so excited that they quickly asked her mother for advice. After talking about it, you will know the reason. Originally, we wanted her mother to share what teaching aids her daughter used and what training classes she attended. Unexpectedly, her mother said: \”I bought her a set of extracurricular tutoring questions for her to prepare for. There are also training classes. During the holidays, when she feels that she really needs a surprise, I will give her a set of extracurricular tutoring questions.\” Ask to enroll in that subject class.\” After hearing what she said, none of us parents spoke, but each other\’s eyes were full of disbelief. Because the parents around me all have several sets of extracurricular teaching aids on hand, and they sit in various cram schools on weekends. Just like myself, various learning APPs on my mobile phone also have experience posts on various learning methods collected in their files. The videos are even more exaggerated. When I open the push, they are all the experience sharing of various academic masters and academic gods… But adhering to the spirit of doing everything for the sake of the children, we parents continued to humbly ask her mother for advice, hoping that she would share with us some of her secret treasures of extracurricular books and high-quality extracurricular classes. \”I really didn\’t buy so many extracurricular questions for my children, nor did I sign them up for so many extracurricular classes.\” \”…\” \”I think so. My daughter is not a particularly smart child. She and I Dad is an ordinary citizen, and he doesn’t have any good genes for his child, and he doesn’t have much money to buy her materials or enroll in classes. We just thought, okay.Just listen to the teacher and let the child understand the basics thoroughly. \”But just relying on the basics is not enough…\” \”I feel that if I have learned the basics solidly, my child\’s grades will not be much worse.\” \”After listening to what she said, I thought about it for a long time and felt that she was right and wrong. Yes, because learning is indeed the same thing. No matter how you take the test, you can\’t do without basic knowledge. No. , because I felt that her daughter’s grades would not be so good in high school just by relying on basic knowledge. Later, I thought about it. The real reasons why the results are very stable, and almost at every stage, the test scores are average at the beginning, but gradually improve in the end, should be because of these: First, her daughter has solid basic knowledge and eats enough. through, this is equivalent to laying a solid foundation; second, learning is a systematic process Cheng, because she has solid basic knowledge, her daughter’s knowledge network can be easily established, and she can continue to improve with ease; thirdly, she does not stock up too many reference materials and courses for her children like us, so her daughter does not have to worry about “questions”. Instead of being exhausted in the sea of ​​classes and the sea of ​​classes, you can slowly exert your strength. So you see, this It seems that the mother is just laying the foundation for her daughter, but she is actually helping her daughter to prepare for the future. At present, it seems that they are not very prepared, but in fact, the further they go, the faster they will go. It is also written in \”Deliberate Practice\”: \”The most outstanding person in every field is often the person who has practiced for the longest time. \”This girl repeatedly honed the basic knowledge, and then extended it little by little on these foundations, but we let the children be consumed with all kinds of hoarded so-called aids. No wonder there is a saying that when it comes to exams, it is not about who is prepared. More, it’s about who is more prepared. Observation Diary 3: Parents of overachievers are “stealing” control from the “lazy” one. The story of the third overachiever is probably one of many parents. In my eyes, this is a typical example of a \”boy with a lot of energy\”. When he was a child, his grades were average, but he was asked by his parents every day because he couldn\’t sit still and was naughty. But as soon as he got to middle school, his grades suddenly improved. I was a little skeptical, did this boy really rely on the so-called \”stamina\” to become a top student? Although his mother didn\’t talk about too many specific methods, I gradually found out from the few small things she said. Now, there is no natural \”stamina\”, but the \”path\” has been paved in advance by her parents. The first thing is to learn physics. In elementary school, she often accompanied her son to do some small physics experiments. She would not blame or dislike the mess at home. Instead, she encouraged her son to do more things and think more. After gradually discovering that his son was interested in many physical phenomena, she guided him to see some pictures. The most rare thing is that when her son just entered junior high school and the physics teacher’s explanation method was very rigid, she encouraged her son to explore in depth after class and then use it later. The second thing is about reading and seeing the world. I chatted with her son several times, and I found that this child has a very wide range of knowledge and a very correct outlook on life., very tough. After reading the book list shared by his mother, I realized that his mother has encouraged him to read more books and see more of the world since he was a child. There is no limit to the types of books he can read, and the way he can see the world is not limited to traveling. I am also deeply touched by this. Yin Ye once said a point of view: \”Everything can be memorized and everything can be learned.\” The more children see it, the more their minds will naturally broaden. These will also become a rich accumulation for his future study. The third thing is about learning methods. When her son first entered junior high school, she was worried that her son would not be able to keep up. She originally prepared many learning methods and wanted her son to try them, but in the end she held back. Instead, she encouraged her son to find a method that suited him, and only provided a little advice when he asked for help. Then only do two actions: first, give timely positive feedback to the child when he makes every small progress; second, guide the son to use more holistic thinking to open up ideas. There is a saying: \”Guidance is not control, and training is not restraint.\” The lazier the parents, the more diligent the children. A child who is \”ripened\” under the control of his parents will never be as good as a child who can grow his own \”strength\” under the guidance of his parents. To put it bluntly, this way of seemingly letting go but actually guiding actually weakens the control power of parents and returns more autonomy to the children, allowing them to develop as freely as possible within the principles. Therefore, those really powerful parents may seem to care about nothing on the surface, but in fact they are strategizing secretly. They just understand better that learning is ultimately the child’s own business. What parents have to do is to make good use of the \”lazy\” method and guide their children to embark on the path of \”self-diligence\”.