It\’s mostly your fault if your child has no self-control

Psychological research tells us: The impact of self-control on a person\’s success is more than twice that of intelligence. Parents also know that self-control is important, but there is like a greedy monster inside children: they eat junk food until they can’t stop, buy toys that can’t fit in the room, and play with them until their mobile phones fly up, and they cry and make a fuss when they disagree… This is where there is no self-control, it is simply a negative number of self-control. Especially those who have sons at home, they understand this deeply. The girl from Lao Wang\’s family next door is called a docile and cute girl. She promised to only eat one candy and never eat another. But as for the boys, they often go without sex for three days. They agree to only watch two episodes of the cartoon, but they watch it for the rest of the night. What evil did you do in your previous life to end up with such a son! I really don’t know what you did in your previous life. However, if there is a child (especially a son) in the family who lacks self-control, then the parent will have to bear a lot of responsibility. Why do you say that? Because… Nicole Shoenberger, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, and her team surveyed 862 mothers to study gender differences in children\’s self-control and its relationship with parenting styles. They came to very interesting conclusions. Finding 1: Boys’ self-control is indeed worse than that of girls; Finding 2: The reason why boys’ self-control is worse than that of girls is that parents raise boys and girls differently. In other words, what really affects children\’s self-control is not gender, but the different parenting styles of parents. Parents raise boys in ways that reduce their self-control, while girls are raised in ways that increase their self-control. So what kind of parenting methods have researchers discovered that are not conducive to the development of self-control? The first behavior that will significantly reduce a child\’s self-control is \”spanking.\” Parents think that spanking their children can serve as a warning, so that they will not dare to do so next time. However, the children didn\’t think so. Of course they will be afraid of being beaten, but they will not be self-conscious about it. But because I was afraid of being beaten, I learned to lie or do it secretly. It is true that in reality, boys are more likely to be beaten (they have rough skin and thick flesh, can they resist beatings?), and parents always feel more sorry for their daughters. Boys suffer greatly and naturally have less self-control than girls. So, whether you have a son or a daughter, if you are still hitting your child at every turn, remember to stop. If you can\’t spank your child, then shouldn\’t you just ignore it when your child shows a lack of self-control? of course not! This study also found that when children engage in behaviors that lack self-control (such as losing their temper and asking to buy snacks), parents who ignore them will reduce their children\’s self-control. Parents of boys are more likely to ignore these than parents of girls. Children who do not receive correct guidance will naturally make the same mistakes again. Therefore, parents should pay more attention to their children, especially parents of boys, and they should reflect on it. When your child shows no self-control, are you impatient and letting it go? It is recommended that you gently but firmly propose the previous agreement, tell him that he will be punished if he does not follow the agreement, and let him make his own choice again. At this time, the child is likely to have negative emotions. Parents can accompany and listen quietly without intervening too much. This method won’t work right away, but stick with it, you will see changes in your child. The above-mentioned spanking and neglecting children are not good, so what are the parenting methods that can improve children\’s self-control? Research points out that parents’ level of investment in their children has a huge impact on their children’s level of self-control. Parental investment specifically refers to how much time and energy parents spend reading with their children, taking their children to museums, playing with their children… Statistics show that parents invest more in their daughters than in their sons, so girls have more self-control. Seeing this result is actually a bit sad. Parents do everything possible to raise a good child with self-control, and research tells us that the way to achieve this is simply to invest more time and energy on the parents and spend time with their children. However, many people can\’t do it. They are busy with work and have no time. When they finally spend time with their children, they may still hold their mobile phones. Think about it, you don’t have the self-control to find a fixed time to accompany your child, why should you expect a child who has self-control? So, your child is waiting for you, go and help him improve his self-control and grow up slowly with him!