My dear, you don’t have a bad temper, but you don’t have enough patience with your children.

On Sunday, my wife drove us to the mall in her car. At a U-turn, a small black car suddenly cut in from the right and made a forcible U-turn in front of us. Why can\’t we wait? With just a few dozen seconds of time difference, they almost collided. Driving on the roads in many cities in China, this is the scene, and everyone is not surprised. I remember a long time ago, I was riding a friend’s motorcycle and walking in the traffic in front of the train station square. It didn\’t take him long to get out, and he competed with the big bus several times for a spot. I was so frightened that I broke out in a cold sweat, but he told me in an understatement that it was okay, that I couldn\’t wait, that I had to find every opportunity, and whoever was bold would have a way out. Now that we can\’t afford to wait, eager for quick success and quick gain has become the norm. It\’s a pity that this mentality also reflects on parents\’ education of their children. We often say, \”Child, take your time.\” But take your time, take your time, can you really afford to wait? Do you dare to wait? \”Hurry up!\” Countless parents are urging their children. \”How many times have I told you, you can\’t do this.\” \”I don\’t have time to tell you, you think about it yourself.\” \”Hurry up and learn, your classmates and friends are all learning. Do you want me to get angry?\”… …It looks like he has a bad temper, but in fact he has a lack of patience. The children born today wish they could become talents tomorrow. When I see other people\’s children learning this, I am afraid that my own children will fall behind, so I rush to sign up, regardless of whether the children are willing or not, and whether it is really suitable for them. The key is to keep stuffing. Fill your children’s free time and your own anxious heart. Without patience, all educational theories are empty and powerless. Some mothers often say, \”I read the book carefully, looked at the cases, and listened to the analysis, and I thought it made sense. But when I encountered a problem at home, it still didn\’t work. When the child made a fuss, he got angry. Remind yourself to control it, and finally put it under control.\” I almost suffocated myself to death.\” Such control often ends up with greater harm. Parents must first deeply dissect themselves and take action before they can truly face themselves and their children. And this is a long-term process that requires patience, and the results will not be immediate. At noon a few days ago, I was sorting books in the warehouse and moving boxes around to take inventory. Because we need to prepare books for children on the platform. My son is very cooperative and always helps me. We also found a math picture book that he was very interested in. The little guy happily felt that he had found a treasure. When I finish my work and say I want to go home and cook. But I found that the math picture book was missing. I sat down on the chair exhausted and said, \”Forget it, I\’ll come see you tomorrow.\” \”No, I want to see it today!\” My son\’s face began to look unhappy. \”Can I change it for you?\” \”No!\” \”Why not? Just think that I didn\’t find this book for you today, not to mention that the book I gave you is the same as this book. You do this It\’s just unreasonable.\” I persuaded him very rationally, hoping that he would give up the book. The result still didn\’t work. I started to get a little angry because it was already very late and the vegetables I bought in the morning were almost ruined. But at this time I reminded myself to be patient and don’t lose my temper. \”I\’ll look for you again. If you can\’t find it this time, just try again next time, okay?\” \”Okay?\”! \”Seeing that I was sincerely willing to take action, my son took a step back and agreed. So I checked the boxes I had just moved one by one to see if any books were caught. It took nearly half an hour. I found nothing. I continued searching patiently. Finally I found a box against the wall, where I accidentally fell it. My son who got the book had a smile on his face. I also wiped my sweat and told him : \”Finally found it, please read it carefully. \”I was glad that this time my patience defeated my anxiety and temper. After calming down, I thought, in fact, there is no way for the child to be messy. He just needs his father\’s help to find the book he likes. On the contrary, I want to avoid it. It\’s so troublesome to find all kinds of excuses to deal with your children! This time, I learned another lesson. Sometimes, how much of the nameless fire of parents is a reflection of their own inner uneasiness or childhood trauma? Once childhood trauma is touched, it is like opening a floodgate. The flood may sweep away many negative feelings such as anger, shame, resentment, pain, etc., all of which hit your heart. I remember one time, I carried a heavy box downstairs, and my son and wife were walking in front. When I was walking out of the corridor, my son, who had been holding the door for me before, saw me struggling to walk over with the box in my arms. He just glanced at me and closed the door. My mood at that time suddenly reached the point where It was freezing, so I had to put down the box, open the door, and then pick up the box and go out. I felt helpless, and there was an uncontrollable emotion in my heart. I asked my son loudly, why didn\’t you hold the door for me? The little guy said I accidentally closed the door. My wife said that my reaction was a bit excessive. I felt bad the whole morning that day. Later, I conducted a careful self-analysis and found that it was a reaction caused by my childhood trauma. Because of some of my experiences , making oneself particularly afraid of being \”abandoned.\” And when the son let go of the door, and the door slammed shut, the gate was triggered. Therefore, in the process of raising children, we will often encounter that childhood I keep waving to myself. Fortunately, if you work hard enough, you will have the opportunity to analyze and repair yourself under new relationships and love. When nothing happens, I will take my son around the community and let him Familiar with the surrounding environment. One day he surprised me and said, \”Dad, it\’s really strange. I can go home here and I can go home there.\” \”I was startled. The little guy really said a truth that we all understand – \”There is more than one way home.\” I said, \”There are many ways home. When you grow up, you will find that all roads lead to Rome.\” \”In fact, there are many roads leading to the distance in front of every child. It cannot be just the one drawn by the parents, but the one that follows the child\’s heart. Parents cannot force, but should patiently help their children find and encourage them. They work hard. When you persist in your own perseverance, you may find in the end: your seed will never bloom… because it is a towering tree. There is a picture book \”Ann\’s Seed\” worth reading. \”Every Every child is the seed of a flower, but each one has a different flowering period. Some flowers will bloom brilliantly from the beginning, and some flowers need tolong wait. Don\’t watch others blooming and worry about your own flower before it moves. I believe that flowers have their own flowering period. Care for your flowers carefully, watch them grow up slowly, and accompany them to bathe in the sunshine and wind and rain. Isn\’t this a kind of happiness? Believe the child! Waiting for the flowers to bloom! Maybe your seeds will never bloom…because he is a towering tree! \”When facing your children, please face them truthfully. While giving love to your children, you must also have enough patience. In the end, you will find that you are getting better and better.