If you can’t change your child, you might as well compromise temporarily [Conversation with a parent]

Just after the Dragon Boat Festival, a parent added me as a friend on WeChat and asked me for advice: His son took the high school entrance examination this year. He studies hard and ranks among the top in school. I don’t know why, but I don’t want to do my homework after these few days off. When adults say something to me, I still talk back. More importantly, I cry loudly, saying that I am tired of studying and don’t want to study anymore. Does the teacher have any teaching methods? Obviously, the child was under huge learning pressure and had psychological problems. The college entrance examination and high school entrance examination are coming soon, and this situation is actually very common. Therefore, I have compiled my answers, hoping to give parents some inspiration. Here is my answer: Hello! I just put myself in my shoes and let\’s have a discussion based on my previous practices. Regarding children\’s problems, we as parents must have a bottom line, which is to never let anything happen to our children. Therefore, I have always adhered to the principle that when we cannot change our children, we might as well compromise temporarily and obey our children. Even if sometimes the child is wrong. Otherwise, if you have to force your child, trouble is likely to occur. The most important problem now is to understand the child\’s psychology. He has a knot in his heart that has not been opened, but you don\’t know it yet. In fact, as a top student, even if you stop doing homework from now on, it should not affect your grades in the high school entrance examination. At least, there should be no problem in going to the key middle school in your mind. You and your children should both know this. In this case, why put so much pressure on yourself, why put so much pressure on him? After all, this is not the college entrance examination, not to mention, so what if it is the college entrance examination? Before my son\’s college entrance examination, I always emphasized to him that we may not be admitted to Tsinghua University, but as long as we work hard after the college entrance examination, we can become Tsinghua professors in the future. Is not it? To take a step back, what\’s wrong with being an ordinary student? We are among the top students. If we can\’t think of this, then there will only be a limited number of students in this world who can live happily. In fact, those who do better than us, those who do worse than us, those who work harder than us, and those who don’t work harder than us, all live happily every day! First stabilize the child\’s emotions, slowly understand his heart, communicate with him calmly, and let him know that the family is always on the same page. If we understand him, he will gradually understand us. Although we cannot fully understand their inner world, we should try to understand as much as possible. Be your child\’s friend, don\’t be condescending, communicate with your child as an equal, and only then can you solve your child\’s psychological problems. Note that we are not educating children, but trying to understand them. This is my idea. Moreover, this process cannot be rushed. It depends on the child\’s specific reaction and should be taken slowly. After replying, I felt that I still had more to say, so I recommended the parent to read one of my previous articles: My child, I hope you will grow up, and I hope you will be safe. The article is written about my real experience in educating children. For us parents, of course we all hope that our children will become dragons and phoenixes, but the most basic prerequisite is that they must live in peace, health, and happiness. Therefore, don’t put too much pressure on your child, maintain good communication with your child at all times, and understand himTheir psychological dynamics, this is a required course for every parent. Many children who have problems are due to poor communication between parents and children and lack of psychological communication, which ultimately leads to big mistakes. Every parent needs to keep this in mind. Friends from all over the country often leave messages in the background, or directly add me on WeChat to ask me about some educational issues. Thank you very much to my friends for trusting me. However, I am not an education expert. I am just an ordinary teacher and an ordinary parent. It is difficult for me to provide the most authoritative answer. I can only discuss it with parents based on my own educational experience. In fact, the specific circumstances of each child and each family are different, and it is difficult for anyone to formulate a guideline of action that can adapt to all children. But as the saying goes, \”Three stooges are only as good as Zhuge Liang.\” If everyone communicates more and brainstorms, we will definitely be able to broaden our thinking. Because our goals are completely the same, that is, we hope that children can grow up healthily.