It\’s you who decide the child\’s significant other

Two girls who had been playing together were in a bit of trouble at the same time. An older man was forced to get married by his family, but Qianfan went through a lot of troubles and found a young man with average conditions in all aspects. A college graduate has different ideas from his family on the issue of employment and is trying hard to convince his family. Looking at the vast world and the vastness of the universe, neither of these is a big deal. But in a person\’s life, what the two girls face are critical turning points in life. Where will they go in the future, how will they go, and will they be happy? Every choice must be made carefully and carefully. In my opinion, both girls are equally young and in their prime, with plenty of opportunities and time ahead of them. In the eyes of outsiders, they are all well-behaved, sensible, and considerate girls, who can be called their parents\’ \”warmth brand\” little cotton-padded jackets. In addition, there is another essential similarity between them. They are both \”high-spirited\” girls. What does \”high morale\” mean? My understanding is that having a high spirit means being unyielding and not blindly obeying, sticking to one\’s own ideas and not compromising casually. For the sake of convenience, let’s call them girl A and girl B respectively. Companionship is the best love in adolescence. Of the two girls, Girl A and I are more familiar with each other. Girl A\’s parents are very ordinary working-class people. When she was a child, her family of three lived in a factory dormitory. During the wave of workers being laid off in the 1990s, both of Girl A’s parents were laid off. Fortunately, girl A\’s father was good at driving and rented a taxi after he was laid off. Her mother was also hard-working and hard-working, so life soon picked up after she was laid off. It\’s just that for a long time, Girl A\’s parents have been working three shifts and spend very little time with her every day. Girl A learned to take care of herself very early. After going to college, Girl A has been working in a famous fast food chain and supported herself through work-study studies. Her parents saw this and were very happy in their hearts. Girl A is hard-working and has a good personality, and everyone likes her. There are many boys pursuing her, but Girl A has never taken a liking to her. For the sake of life and Miss A\’s future, the family is working hard to move forward, which is hard work but also practical. Girl B’s parents are very similar to Girl A’s. The biggest difference is that after her parents were laid off, Girl B’s father stayed at home and traded stocks while being responsible for Girl B’s study and education, while her mother was mainly responsible for going out to make money. In other words, compared to girl A, girl B’s parents spend more time with her. Girl B is also very successful herself. Not only has she been a good student with excellent grades all the way, but she has also been admitted to the best high school in the city. In order to save tuition when choosing a major in the college entrance examination, she chose an ordinary university with a generous scholarship and studied an ordinary major with no characteristics. These seemed like trivial matters before. Girl A is not unhappy because her parents spend less time with her, and Girl B is not worried because her family background is average. They are both growing up healthily and happily. But when it comes to this critical turning point in life, all the previous problems are exposed. Your choice depends on your previous life experience. Let me talk about girl B first. I have always felt that girls with high ambitions have to go to cities like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Shenzhen after graduating from college, where there are many opportunities and they can achieve themselves. On the other hand, in my opinion, there is no financial resources, children with human resources background, it is better to go outside and give it a try bravely, maybe there will be a better way out. But Girl B did not. She chose the safest way to take the civil service examination. When chatting with me, I expressed my doubts. Unexpectedly, Girl B said that just because her family was not as well-off as other female classmates in the university, her family could still find conditions for her after she went out to work for three to five years. A good employer would provide her with enough food and clothing, get married and have children, and lead a peaceful life, so she decided to take the civil service exam. All she has now is youth. If she misses the opportunity in the best employment conditions, her life will be bleak. Girl B is only 23 years old, but her mind is already mature. For ordinary children, it is not necessarily a bad thing for children to mature early. Make arrangements early to avoid panic and helplessness in the future. In her eyes, her parents\’ background was her escape route. Because she knew there was no such escape route, she had to make plans early and have good intentions. The forbearing youth will eventually break out Let’s talk about girl A. Girl A came to chat with me late at night, and I felt her unhappiness. She was unhappy that her family was criticizing her relationship, and she felt that her relationship had always been troubled. During the chat, she also revealed a little thing to me. She said that she had always envied Girl B because she had been favored everywhere since she was a child and was very confident in everything she did. Her family also loved her very much. But what makes her envious the most is that girl B has had her own room and her own big bed since she was a child, while she herself can only curl up on a small bed of 1.2 meters, until now. Girl A\’s words surprised me, because as far as I know, the family conditions of girls A and B are almost the same. To put it simply, the family situation of Girl B’s family is not better than that of Girl A’s family. I even know that in order to save money, the parents of Girl B’s family only eat rice soaked in boiled water + pickles for breakfast all year round, and they are reluctant to part with any meat. Girl B’s mother is also weak due to years of malnutrition. On the contrary, girl A\’s parents have good personalities, good health, and are willing to eat and cook. Although their lives are not rich, they are not shy in appearance. But the fact now is that girl A now tells me that she has low self-esteem because she can only sleep on a small bed of 1.2 meters. I know that the real pain point for Girl A is not the 1.2-meter small bed, but the reasonable needs in adolescence that have been suppressed for various reasons. The repression of adolescence caused Girl A to harbor low self-esteem and struggle to grow up, while Girl B has become so mature and precocious that it makes me ashamed. What is the reason that causes such a big difference between the two girls? I don’t want to investigate the underlying reasons, but at least I know that the reason for their personality differences is not about money at all. In fact, the difference in the personalities of the two girls AB is related to the amount of time they spent with their families when they were teenagers. In addition to the physical needs of food, clothing, housing and transportation, children in their teenage years also need someone to pay special attention to their psychology. They hope that someone will understand, share and talk to them. Parents who long to move on from adolescence should know all too well. And those children who are dissatisfied with their desires during adolescence are particularly likely to suppress their inner desires. Holding back is not always a good thing. Once you wait until you are capable, or when you think you are capable, you will try your best to escape from the oppressive environment. AuntThat\’s exactly what my mother is. Your spouse is your repressed sub-personality. When we choose to be with a person, we usually just feel that being with him or her feels familiar, comfortable and safe. The reason is very simple. What you are looking for is another self, and you will naturally feel comfortable in your own world. Therefore, pursuing love is just a process of finding and understanding yourself. From this, it is not difficult to explain the problem that Girl A is currently facing. According to psychology, \”your spouse is your repressed sub-personality.\” When Girl A chooses a partner, she is actually releasing the sub-personality in her heart that wants to be rebellious against the family. She chose a partner who was not recognized by her family, and tried to be rebellious and self-fresh, and these are things that should be done in adolescence. As for Girl B, who has a smooth transition to puberty, her father has always been with her during this period, so she has a healthy mind and a sound personality. What is even more commendable is that her ability to clearly understand herself will help her quickly get out of temporary difficulties in life. People like Girl A who are often suppressed in adolescence are often struggling internally, not knowing where they are going or what they can do. The pursuit of momentary pleasure requires a long period of time to make up for it. Girl B doesn\’t need me to help her at all, because she can handle it well by herself. As for Girl A, I couldn\’t bear to help her. Based on my painful experience, that boy may not be the best choice. But at this time, Girl A\’s heart is slowly moving from struggle to stability. With her persistence, her family will inevitably accept her. Because parents always love their children, no matter you are good or bad, they are the children they love. But maybe the lovely girl A will work hard and finally achieve happiness. She is now using that boy to fight against her family, and is working hard to release her suppressed sub-personality. After she reaches the full bloom of youth, she will definitely return to a normal and mature psychological environment. It is you who determine the child\’s future partner. We put beautiful dresses on girls and buy beautiful dolls for her in the hope that she will have good aesthetics and beautiful sentiments, so that she can meet a better man and spend her life with her. We take our boy to see all the prosperous things in the world, hoping that in the future he can happily stay by the pot and do odd jobs. A mother-in-law who says her daughter-in-law is difficult to get along with will definitely not have a good relationship with her. This is an inevitable rule. Don\’t be surprised when your children bring home the partner of their life one day. Because what kind of person he (she) will choose in the future is entirely decided by us as parents. If you can accept the other half you bring back without rejecting it, then congratulations, your child will fully recognize himself or herself and the companionship and education you gave him or her over those years. If you are not satisfied with the person you bring back, please don’t be angry. That is a suppressed part of your child’s heart. Please start looking at yourself from now on.