“Invisible” mothers do more harm to their children than “non-existent” fathers

A mother who is busy, beautiful and still has time to spend with her children is a myth for a few people. A couple in the neighborhood are divorcing. According to reliable news from the \”Auntie Core Group of the District Committee\”, the reason is that the daughter-in-law is having an extramarital affair and is being divorced by herself. My husband was stuck in a jam. It is said that the young couple are currently separated, and the child is left with the grandparents. The mother can only see her outside and is not allowed to enter the house. My mother lamented, “I’m going to live a good life, but I’m going to die.” My mother’s “good life” is based on me. In my mother\’s eyes, that little daughter-in-law is as big as heaven or earth compared to me. Their child is three days younger than Xiao Fuqi, but after giving birth to the child, she completely lived the life of a \”young mistress\”. My mother-in-law took care of the baby from the moment he was born. Not long after he was breastfed, he switched to full milk powder. In order for grandma to concentrate on taking care of the children, the family also hired part-time workers to take care of cooking and some simple housework. Now that the child is in kindergarten, he is still left at his grandparents\’ house every day. The daily pick-ups and drop-offs at kindergartens and interest classes are made by grandparents, and even my mother who travels abroad has never shown up. (The young couple lives in another apartment they bought when they got married.) The child is sick and has a fever, and they only see their grandparents running back and forth. The only thing a mother can do is to take her children out for dinner every weekend, and then pick up a few pictures from her mother-in-law’s WeChat and post them as “good mothers” in her circle of friends. I am determined not to have a second child because it will affect my figure and reduce my quality of life. Of course, the work must be easy and good, so my husband’s family care relationship arranged for me to work in a public institution. Although the family already has two cars, my mother bought a new BMW last year. In addition to the couple\’s own money, my grandfather also paid 100,000. On one side is a virtuous and virtuous Chinese mother, on the other side is a pretty workplace beauty who drives a BMW. Such a cheating life is simply the post-marriage lifestyle that all women dream of. \”Busy at work\” cannot be used as an excuse to be lazy. For people like a daughter-in-law who has given birth to a child but doesn\’t want to be a mother herself, the most convincing reason is \”busy at work.\” However, when I saw the news that Australian Green Party leader and Senator Larissa Waters gave a speech in the Parliament Building in Canberra while breastfeeding her two-month-old daughter, I wonder if there is any Being slapped in the face. It is not shameful for working mothers to breastfeed in public, but it is shameful to use work as an excuse to be an invisible mother who shows off her baby in social media every day. In the American TV series \”Desperate Housewives\”, my favorite is Lynette. She gave birth to five children in total and was a super mother who balanced both work and family. Not only do they have to clean up the mess for a pair of careless twins every day, but they also have to open a shop, fight mistresses, and support their mud-like husband up the wall. The most impressive thing is that in order to solve the family\’s financial problems, Lynette decided to return to the workplace shortly after the birth of her child and let her husband be a full-time dad at home. But the child cried during the interview, so she presented her advertising idea while changing the child\’s diaper. In the eyes of everyone\’s astonished eyes, she won the boss\’s affirmation and won the job. I sincerely slap in the face those mothers who use \”busy work\” as an excuse to avoid parenting responsibilities. Moments canI show it to others, but when I get home, the mess between my husband, children, and work is the real daily life. Choose work or family? Anyone who has ever been a mother has never struggled between the two. However, only when you are tired can you know your leisure, and only when you have been bitter can you know your sweetness. There is no effortless parent-child relationship in this world. There is no relationship that does not require management, and there is no intimacy that should be taken for granted. What the \”invisible\” mother loses in the end is the \”invisible\” mother who leaves the whole family with her children to the elderly. She doesn\’t have to take care of her children, and her work doesn\’t take much effort. She seems to live a leisurely and comfortable life, but there are many hidden crises. \”Invisible\” mothers can neither gain family affection and recognition from their children, nor gain a sense of accomplishment from their work. They are increasingly marginalized by their families and can only deviate further from the focus of family life. The boat of marriage is overturned. It’s not unusual to turn over. Even if the young couple did not have an extramarital affair, the mother would be absent from the child\’s life for a long time, and the relationship between the child and her would not be too close. Wang Shuo\’s experience is very representative of how much damage \”invisible\” mothers can do to their children. He wrote in \”Letter to My Daughter\”, \”Like all military children at that time, I grew up in a group home. I was sent to a nursery when I was one and a half years old, and stayed with the children. I returned home in two weeks. Home at a time, sometimes for four weeks. For a long time, I didn’t know that people were born by mom and dad. I thought they were born by the state. There is a factory that specializes in giving birth to children. After birth, I put them in a nursery and raised them together.\” In Wang Shuo\’s In his memory, his mother was dedicated to being the best in the hospital where she worked and protecting herself wholeheartedly. She did not consider her son’s feelings at all. He even thought that her mother had never cared about him since he was a child. She even did not accompany him in the hospital when he had an appendix surgery. So he could never forgive his mother for being a \”workaholic\”. Being a mother is not easy, and it is not easy to do and cherish being a mother. But no matter how difficult it is, it only lasts more than ten years, and the children grow up in the blink of an eye. If you are not willing to spend time and effort now, those growing up years that you ignored and skipped will only result in the alienation of your family. It took Wang Shuo 30 years, but he still couldn\’t forgive his mother. He only had four words to comment on his mother – \”She only gives birth but does not support her\”. His mother always felt, \”I hope my son can forgive me when he grows up.\” Wang Shuo believed, \”Blood relationship does not mean everything. If you never give, you will still get nothing. No one is born nice to anyone.\” Invisible The mother took advantage of her own short-term convenience, but caused the child\’s life-long regrets. Those days without my mother\’s company are really not something that can be resolved by saying \”you will understand when you grow up\”. Children who have not been cared for by their mothers since childhood will always have a baby-like expectation for their mothers. They expect to continuously seek love from their mothers. But the maternal love that was lacking in childhood cannot be made up for by no matter how hard you work as an adult. Even if such a person is as awesome as Wang Shuo when he becomes an adult, he will always be a helpless child at heart, afraid of being abandoned by his mother. No matter how imperfect a mother is, she can still give her child 100% love. When I gave birth to my little lucky girl, I was already over 30 years old. After Xiao Fu was born, the conditions prescribed by his grandparents were:, it is impossible for them to come to the city where we are to help take care of the child. If we want her to help take care of the child, we have to send Xiao Fu to her hometown in Shandong. My mother-in-law believed that my daughter-in-law, whose housework ability was negative, must be too lazy to take care of the children by herself, so she would definitely compromise. Thinking about it now, fortunately I insisted on keeping the little blessing with me. Although it is very difficult, although it is very frustrating, fortunately, the child is growing up day by day. Although it is really tiring to be pestered by children all day long, and although I am exhausted from facing the trivial matters of family and work pressure every day, now that I am a mother, I should try my best not to let my children down. Although I feel dead when I fall on the bed every night, every time I open the photo album and see that every moment of his laughter has always been with me, I will sigh and sigh that no number of BMWs can exchange for those years we spent together. of. I asked Xiaofuqi why he didn’t want to stay at grandma’s house to sleep? I can also get angry! He said, I know, but I just want to follow you. I want you to tell me stories and let you play with me. He even thought that even if I gave him a bath, I would be more comfortable than my grandma. Therefore, no matter how bad the mother is, the child still treats her as a treasure. Of course, most mothers are ordinary people and there is no need to force themselves to become super mothers with 360 degrees of blind spots. Even if the mother\’s cooking is terrible, the clothes cannot be washed, even if she gets a little angry and speaks loudly, as long as she can stay with her child as much as possible when she is young, love and care for her, her child will still be extremely happy. and contentment. Because no matter how imperfect the mother is, she was once everything to her child.