Why do children get angry at you when they make mistakes?

When describing children, we often use this word: cute. Most of the time, children are indeed adorable, but there are always times when they are not. For example, he clearly made a mistake but refused to admit it. Not only did he not admit it, he got angry at you, messed with you, and kicked and hit you. These behaviors are not only unlovable, they are simply unreasonable. You have used many methods to try to get your children to admit their mistakes, but in the end you failed. You are confused, what happened to that stubborn child who refuses to admit his mistakes? You clearly hold the great, bright and correct \”Sword of Shangfang\” in your hand, why can\’t you \”control\” this little guy? The answer may lie in your relationship with your children. Last weekend, I took my children to a party with other parents. In the playground, the little ones were very excited. We stood not far away chatting. At this time, a small episode occurred. Yoko\’s mother discovered that her Yoko was raising his fists high, while the child opposite looked aggrieved and had tears in his eyes. Apparently Yoko was in trouble. He hit someone. Yoko\’s mother quickly ran over and said sternly: Apologize to the child! Yoko burst into tears and punched her mother with her angry little fists. The scene suddenly became chaotic. If your child gets into trouble, you must give an explanation. Reasonable and thoughtful parents are especially inclined to criticize their children immediately as a necessary courtesy. We just forget that children in conflict have a hard time. The anxiety of beating someone; the sadness of being beaten. Their emotions are tense and they need to be comforted. They have no ability to solve problems until their emotions are relieved. And you told him coldly as soon as you came up: You are wrong. It\’s like criticizing someone who is stuck in the mud with sharp words. This can only intensify the child\’s emotions and make him feel deeply lonely: When I am in trouble, my mother is on the opposite side of me. When your child makes a mistake but behaves stubbornly and loses his temper at you, he is actually conveying a message through \”losing his temper\”: I am not feeling well, Mom and Dad. I need your understanding, support and help. Unfortunately, many parents fail to see the true needs of their children. They are eager to discipline their children and correct their children\’s mistakes, but they end up complicating the problem and getting into an unnecessary battle with their children. Such dilemmas are common in reality. The only way to break the dilemma is to first see the child\’s inner emotions, establish a connection with the child, and then determine whether and how to correct the error. I remember once I went on a long trip. In the sleeper car of the train, a little boy about 4 or 5 years old stayed awake. He either chirped or screamed. His mother was busy getting angry at the child and kept warning the child not to do this or that. The child confronts the mother in various ways. The mother simply ignored the child. The child was frightened and started shouting again, crying for mommy. Bystanders are tired of watching this kind of scene. Later, the child\’s grandmother did something. Grandma said softly: \”Come to me.\” Then, grandma held the little boy and kept comforting him with a very soft voice. Gradually, the little boy stopped talking and fell asleep peacefully. What happened to the little boy? The train is an unfamiliar environment and children are very sensitive.When he felt it was new but not quite used to it, talking and yelling constantly was his way to comfort himself. This behavior is really annoying and needs to be restrained. However, it is difficult to teach children how to behave rationally in the same emotional way. Grandma, on the other hand, effortlessly calmed the child down easily. The only thing she did was to see the child\’s inner emotional tension and comfort it. Through this action, she establishes a truly intimate connection with her child. Why doesn\’t your child listen to you no matter how you manage him when he makes a mistake? Is it useless for you to pet him? Is it useless for you to be mean to him? It doesn’t matter if you are absolutely right? Because children are more willing to listen to someone who is close to them. That person made him feel close to and liked him. That person\’s listening, understanding, and support made him feel empowered. If you want to establish such a close connection with your children, the following tips may help you. First, give your children a chance to make mistakes. For a while, my son seemed particularly stubborn in front of his father. For example, when his father pointed out that he clearly wrote something wrong, he would not admit it and yelled at his father emotionally. The final result is often that the child\’s father is so angry that he throws away the notebook and pen, while the son stands alone and angry. One time, I came home and the two of us were in a stalemate like this. I walked over and gently touched my son\’s head. His tears immediately fell down. I stayed with him quietly until he calmed down. Then he took the initiative to correct the mistakes that his father pointed out before. Why do children have such diametrically opposed attitudes? Because the child\’s father is a strict and serious person, he always focuses on his son\’s mistakes, which makes his son very uncomfortable, so he resists. His way of resisting is – deliberately making mistakes. The little guy is using a rebellious attitude to declare to his father: Learning is my own business. Children continue to learn and grow wiser from their mistakes. A child who has never made any mistakes will not grow up. Avoid labeling your children easily when they make mistakes and cause trouble. If you trust your child, your child will prove through actions that he is worthy of your trust. Second, focus on your children first, rather than eating in a hotel. A child was holding a bowl in his hand and was trying to leave the table. He stumbled and broke the bowl. His mother\’s loud voice immediately lit up: Why are you so careless! If you break something again, be careful and they will detain you here! The child was stunned for a moment, but soon started crying. While crying, he jumped on his mother and beat her. Is the child being unreasonable? No, he was using anger to resolve his inner fear and vulnerability: I made a mistake and I was very scared; but in my mother\’s eyes, I am not as important as a bowl. I would like to use this example to remind all parents: when your child makes a mistake, whether intentional or unintentional, you should immediately pay attention to whether he is injured. Let your child know that you care about the child more than external things. The same should be true for how one makes mistakes in public. Take the example of Yoko at the beginning of the article. If your child gets into trouble or makes a mistake in public and it needs to be dealt with immediately, you can apologize for him first and ease the situation. Then turn around and use your love to comfort and gently guide the child instead of embarrassing the child in public. when a childThe moment he makes a mistake, he is indeed unlovable, but he also needs your love the most. You need to make sure that even if the whole world blames your child, at least you are standing behind him. Third, use empathic attitudes and skills. Imagine that you are driving a car and your partner is in the passenger seat. You took a wrong turn at a certain intersection. Your significant other said: \”Didn\’t you see such a big sign just now? Why did you make such a low-level mistake…\” I believe it is easy for you to have the urge to quarrel. But everything changes when your partner pats your hand reassuringly and briefly tells you what to do next. This is empathy. Children need this too. When he makes a mistake and you rush to correct it, he will not only be unable to hear you, but will also be prone to rebellion. On the contrary, if your child makes a mistake, it is very, very valuable that you are able to refrain from teaching him, beating or scolding him, or trying to correct him immediately. Instead, you can see and understand his emotions. Even if the child is really unreasonable and loses his temper, your understanding of the child\’s emotions, your tolerance for the child\’s aggression (beating and tearing with you), and your gentleness and determination will protect the child and help him get rid of those dark feelings. , giving children the courage and strength to overcome difficulties. Of course, in addition to an empathic attitude, you also need empathic skills. The following sentence pattern is very practical: \”I saw (objectively describe the situation caused by the child\’s words and deeds), I felt (fear/worry/shock/uncomfortable… and other specific feelings), I think (express my expectations for the child, myself suggestions, etc.).\” This expression can help parents get closer to their children\’s hearts. In the absence of insults, reprimands and slaps, children will follow their parents\’ example, think about problems more rationally, and then actively adjust their deviant behaviors to be more in line with social norms and more acceptable to the public. If you have used this communication method once or twice and it doesn\’t work, then try it three, four, or more times. Influence your children gently but firmly, and your children will eventually understand where your bottom line is, what you can and cannot do. When your child makes a mistake, see it as an opportunity rather than a trouble. When your child makes a mistake and throws a tantrum, please take it as a signal for help, not an attack. If you respond appropriately, your child will not only learn valuable lessons from your mistakes, but he will also receive important values ​​and beliefs from you, including: My personal safety and my feelings are much more important than the mistake itself; I am loved; I can handle the troubles I cause… The most important thing is that the child can confirm: I am understood and respected; my parents are with me. From then on, your children will be willing to cooperate with you without any forceful \”control\” or \”teaching\”.