Children are always slow to do things? The reason lies with adults. Don’t blame your children unjustly!

The word \”dilly-dallying\” always bothers parents. We always feel that: children take a long time to get dressed; stare at the toothbrush light when brushing teeth instead of brushing teeth quickly; take a long time to eat and have not finished eating; go out to wash their hands. After procrastinating, 10 minutes have passed and I have only put on one shoe… In fact, many parents blame their children for procrastinating, which is because they misunderstand their children. The root cause of \”drifting\” lies mostly with adults. One of the reasons why children dawdle is because their abilities are really not reached. I am also a quick-tempered person. When Maodou bent down to fasten his shoelaces with Velcro when he was a child, I always thought he was slow: Why does it take so long to fasten a Velcro? After becoming a kindergarten teacher, I was like this at first. The children need to change their shoes. I always feel anxious when I see them walking slowly at the door. Why can\’t they move faster? Once, when I couldn\’t wait to urge me, the director stopped me and said something to me. She said: \”Have you noticed that when a child bends down to tie his shoelaces, how many steps does it take?\” I said: \”It\’s very simple, just bend down and buckle the shoelaces.\” The director said: \”No. It seems to be a simple movement, but in fact, children need a combination of large muscles, fine motors, and hand-eye coordination to complete it. The movements that we seem to take for granted are actually quite a challenge for children.\” \”Just take the system. Let\’s talk about shoelaces. The child must first bend down and reach the shoes with his hands. This is actually a process of hand-eye coordination. For children with poor gross motor development ability, this step will take some time.\” \”Then. , he needs to accurately find the place of the Velcro with his hands, and then use three fingers to grasp the Velcro so that he can grab it. This is not a simple thing. If it is a child with poor fine motor skills, this step will also be very difficult. Slow. Even some children are still like this when they are three or four years old.\” I nodded. Indeed, there are many four-year-old children in our kindergarten, and it takes five minutes to put on shoes. \”After catching the Velcro, he has to accurately attach the Velcro to one end of the shoe body. This tests the child\’s hand-eye coordination. Many children have to attach the Velcro repeatedly before their fine motor skills reach a very mature stage. Dozens of times, you may not be able to find the position.\” \”It takes 15 minutes for a child to stick on a Velcro at the beginning, then 3 minutes, and then 1 minute. This is already very gratifying progress. We should see The aspect of children\’s progress is not to use adult standards for a child of several years old. If he can\’t do it, say he is slow.\” \”That\’s right!\” When the principal said this, I also remembered it. This has a lot to do with the child\’s ability. There is a child in our class named Leo who is very capable of doing things. He never hesitates and always does his job happily. Therefore, when you blame your child for dawdling, you need to reflect on yourself: Have you really provided many opportunities for your child to practice gross and fine movements? If not, the child\’s slowness in doing things is just a true reflection of his ability. You can\’t blame him, you can only blame yourself. The best way to improve your child\’s dilly-dallying is to improve his ability, rather than forcing your child to go faster! The second reason why children are dilly-dallying: Our kindergarten loves to divert attention. Children want to be on their own.Collecting dinner plates. But on the way from the dining table to taking out the trash, many children stop and go, unable to walk when they see interesting things. I was still a quick-tempered person at that time, and I felt angry just looking at it. Could I hurry up? But when I calmed down and observed, I found that children’s attention is very short, and they are easily attracted by other new things, and they lose concentration on what they are doing. So there was a situation of dilly-dallying. The solution is very simple: make the place where you change clothes and go out simple, and don\’t put toys, colorful things, etc. that can attract his attention. It is impossible to completely focus a child\’s attention, but we can set up the environment to minimize the child\’s distraction and reduce the chance of him being distracted. The third reason why children dawdle: He knows that you will eventually help him. There is a little beauty named Xiao Q in our class. She is one of the children who makes me laugh and cry the most. It\’s a struggle to ask her to change clothes every time. She would stand in the dressing room, stunned for a long time, not knowing what she was thinking. Later I discovered: This state will continue until I help her take off her clothes, and she can just sit back and enjoy the results without having to do it herself! Children are very smart animals. They are very good at taking advantage of adults\’ weaknesses and loopholes to gain more laziness and tolerance for themselves. Time and time again, you urged him to hurry up, but in the end you couldn\’t bear it anymore and came over to help him put it on. So why doesn\’t he bother? How cost-effective it is to dilly-dally! I know that there are many parents who, while complaining about their children\’s procrastination, do all the things for their children that they should do themselves: help the children fill the kettle with water; help the children write the homework that they failed to complete; help the children put on shoes; The child is looking for clothes that he did not prepare in advance. There is only one solution to all these problems: he should do his own thing, even if it is slow, don\’t do it for you. For an older child, he can already bear the consequences, so it is better to let him be late once or miss the bus once than to help him all the time. The fourth reason why children are dilly-dallying: Children really don’t understand time! When I was working in a kindergarten, a little boy splashed water on me. I said to him: \”Before you splash water on others, you need to ask them for their opinions. I don\’t like the feeling of being wet. If you splash water on me again, you will be hurt tomorrow.\” You can\’t play in the water.\” The principal passed by and burst out laughing after hearing this: \”A three-and-a-half-year-old child won\’t understand what you mean by \’tomorrow\’. He will think that I will be done with it after I have a good time today. I don’t care what the hell is going on.” We are always used to saying to our children: “It’s time to eat in 5 minutes. But we never thought that children don’t understand the times “5 minutes” and “tomorrow” at all. What a concept! So, when we use \”time is up\” to restrain the children, the child\’s reaction is like this: The principal taught me a good way. For children, using the \”countdown\” function of the mobile phone is particularly effective. If you want your child to do something at what time, set the countdown to a few minutes and say to your child: \”When the alarm goes off, you have to pack up your toys/go out to play/go to kindergarten. \”This method gives children a very intuitive feeling, that is, \”making trouble\”\”As soon as the bell rings, my state must change\”. No longer have to worry about the child not understanding. This method is very practical. Our kindergarten uses it whether mothers during separation anxiety should leave the kindergarten or unify the bedtime. This \”countdown\” method. Every child\’s \”dawling\” is basically composed of the above four reasons. However, the age of the children is different, and the way of expression is also different. For example, for Maodou, the reason for dawdling when he is 1 and a half years old is I didn\’t pay much attention to his fine motor training, so his fingers were not very flexible and it took him half a day to unbuckle his shoes. When he was 2 and a half years old, he went back to his hometown with his grandfather for a month during the Chinese New Year. After returning, he became very lazy because he had to wait for everything. When others do it for him, \”daldling\” is a strategy for him to be lazy. The dillydallying when he was 3 years old was because I spoke to him wrongly and he didn\’t understand what I meant by \”10 minutes.\” Solved With these few questions, your child\’s dilly-dallying problem will be greatly improved!