If you want your children to like you, don\’t do this…

On Valentine\’s Day, our family of three went out to play. During the meal, my nine-year-old son suddenly said: \”I really envy you adults. You can spend Valentine\’s Day with your lover, but we kids can\’t.\” I had a vague feeling that something was wrong. Ask him: \”Do you have a lover?\” \”Yes.\” He said. \”Who is it?\” \”Hu Keke from our class.\” \”Does she think so too?\” \”Probably so. I asked Dong Dong to ask her, but she didn\’t say anything, so she probably acquiesced.\” The gentleman laughed beside him, I secretly kicked him. He immediately put on a serious face: \”So are there any other boys in your class who like Hu Keke?\” \”Yes, XX and XXX also like her,\” said his son. \”Oh.\” I also said seriously: \”They are both very good, and you are a very strong competitor.\” \”Yes, I am under a lot of pressure.\” \”Do you know what kind of boys girls generally like?\” He\’s handsome.\” \”Not necessarily. There are also those who study well, like to be clean, and are polite. When I was a child, I particularly liked the boy who always ranked first in the class.\” \”Well, that\’s true, maybe I study Still need to improve a bit.\” Perfect. I successfully tricked my son, I\’m so proud. The little guy went out to play, and my husband and I both found it funny when we talked about the conversation just now. \”But you shouldn\’t laugh when he says this.\” I reminded him. \”I couldn\’t hold it back for a while, so be careful next time.\” He said. Can\’t laugh at him. This is my ironclad rule when communicating with my son. Probably from the time he could speak, I repeatedly told the whole family: Don\’t laugh when he tells secrets, speaks his mind, or expresses his opinions. This is actually something that many parents often do wrong. Every silly kid will say childish words: Mom, can I marry you in the future? Xuanxuan is pretty. I will marry her in the future. If I bury one dollar in the soil, will many dollars grow? When I grow up, I want to buy a train of instant noodles. I don\’t like the grandma next door, the flowers on her hat are so silly. … Judging from an adult\’s IQ, these words are really funny. So when the child says something, we can\’t help but laugh. Sometimes we stop laughing and don\’t give them a reply. However, put yourself in your child’s shoes: I just want to know if I can marry my mother in the future. I talked to you seriously and asked you questions, but not only did I not get an answer, you also had a weird smile on your face. Ridiculous? Is my question stupid? Did I do something wrong? Well, I won’t ask you questions anymore, and I won’t tell you my secrets or my inner thoughts. Children do not understand what is funny and what is not funny. After being laughed at many times, even if it is a kind smile, they will choose not to say anything, and they will not say anything that should be said. In this way, we cut off the child\’s desire to communicate with you. Have you ever noticed that when we laugh at our children, they often ask inexplicably: What are you laughing at? what\’s so funny? In fact, at this time, we should stop laughing immediately and talk to our children seriously. This is an opportunity to make up for our mistakes. But most parents tend to laugh harder and make more mistakes, leaving their children more confused and subconsciously determined to \”never tell you again.\” When I was a kid, I was having dinner at a relative\’s house. While chatting, they mentioned that a woman in the barber shop was a prostitute. i know thatThe woman thought to herself that she not only cuts hair, but also sells things. So I asked innocently: What is prostitution for? What is pornography? The whole table burst into laughter. An elder said with a strange look in his laughter: You will know when you grow up. Indeed, now I know. But I also clearly remember the scene at that time, that strange word, their weird smiles, and my confusion and embarrassment. My son was watching TV news a few days ago, and it was mentioned that the police arrested a group of prostitutes. My son asked me: What is prostitution? I immediately remembered that past event. Fortunately, I know what to do now. I told my son nonchalantly: It’s just a woman sleeping with a man and then charging him some money. The son asked: Is it prostitution if my mother sleeps with my father? I said no, mom and dad are husband and wife, it is normal to sleep together, and there is no charge. Two people who have nothing to do with each other sleep together, and one gives money to the other. This is what it means. Prostitution is illegal in most countries and the police will catch it. Why isn\’t it legal? Because it is not honorable to make money by sleeping. ——Actually, I also felt that this matter was not easy to explain, and I wanted to laugh a little, but I still answered him as plainly as possible. With a similar attitude, I have explained issues such as virginity, menstruation, erections, childbirth… many issues to my son. Many parents feel that sex education is difficult to do. My experience is: first, don’t avoid it. Just answer whatever he asks, and don\’t do anything mysterious and \”you\’ll understand when you grow up\” that leaves a grand suspense in his heart. Second, don’t be deliberate. To put it lightly, don\’t be exaggerated in your expression or tone, otherwise he will feel that this is something unusual and it will arouse greater curiosity. Third, don\’t laugh. This is the most important. Let him know that his problems are normal and not stupid or weird. In this way, if he is confused in the future, he will naturally ask you instead of keeping it in his heart or trying to find out through other ways. After all, there are some ways that we cannot control. Most parents hope to be friends with their children who talk about everything, and children initially regard their parents as their closest partners. So, what makes your children gradually shut up in front of you and hide their worries and confusions? In addition to his parents\’ indifference and blows, there is another behavior that has a great impact, which is laughing at him. We may just think it’s fun and think it’s okay to laugh casually, since there is no harm in it anyway. But the child does not have this ability to distinguish. He will feel that you are laughing, teasing, and ridiculing him. He will feel a vague sense of inequality and disrespect, and will be ashamed, embarrassed, inexplicable, and deny himself. This is a very unpleasant psychological experience. Just imagine, if when we are communicating with others, the other party always behaves in a condescending manner and smiles mysteriously and unexplainedly from time to time, would you also want to shut up and leave immediately? How annoying. No one likes someone who is always laughing at themselves. If he\’s trying to be funny, it doesn\’t matter how you laugh. But when he is communicating and discussing with you seriously, please put away your smile. This is the most basic respect for your child and an important secret to making him like you.