What do the parents of children who have good grades and are sensible do?

As soon as I got home from get off work, I heard the familiar noise coming from Sister Yu\’s house opposite. I frowned and opened the door to persuade her. Sister Yu grabbed me and started crying: \”Xiaolu, you said that Mingyu has been attending classes at a training institution every weekend this semester and has spent a lot of money. Why are his grades still so bad?\” Sister Yu\’s son is in the first grade of junior high school, and she can\’t bear to leave it all day long. I was reluctant to eat and wear clothes, and I was frugal on food and expenses just so that my son could take tutoring classes outside. She took on all the housework at home. She went to work during the day and had to wash, cook and clean when she got home at night. No matter how tired she was, she never let her son do housework. Even if it was a glass of water, she would put it in his hand. She herself did not go to a good university and felt that life was not easy. She must let her children go to a good university and find a good job in the future, so that they would not have to work hard to make a living like she did. Sister Yu\’s tears never stopped: \”Xiaolu, I don\’t let him do anything. I only need him to do well in the exam. Why can\’t he satisfy me with such a simple request? This time I got 87th place in the whole grade. I really I\’m so disappointed!\” Speaking of excitement, Sister Yu couldn\’t help but rushed over and kicked her son hard several times. The stubborn young man gritted his teeth and remained silent, expressing his anger only with his eyes. In the eyes of parents, as long as the grades are not good, it is all the fault of the child. Whenever I encounter this situation, I can only sigh helplessly in my heart: The fault is not all the fault of the child. Yesterday, I read a piece of news on the Internet. A 12-year-old girl jumped to her death and said, \”Tear up all your homework books!\” I was shocked. She was only twelve years old, her life had not yet fully begun, and she had not yet fully realized the joy of life. How could she want to end it? Why get relief? In the girl\’s suicide note, the sentence \”I hate you\” is shocking. The reason why she acted so decisively was because her parents were too strict with her academic requirements and neglected to build emotional relationships with her. During the school day, children have to attend various tutoring classes in dance, piano, English, Mathematical Olympiad… in the evenings and weekends. Summer vacation is here, and children have started a new round of \”school\” again, with math, English, music, dance, art, composition, basketball, football… taking turns. Parents use their euphemistic words: I am here for your future; others have learned from you, but you can’t do it; I spent so much money and you have to study hard, otherwise I will be sorry for paying you so much money; your grades are so low, If you are not stupid, you should fly ahead and learn what you will learn next semester in advance, otherwise you will not be able to keep up by then; you see Xiao Ming next door studies better than you, and they go to make up classes every morning and afternoon. If you don\’t study well, how can you still study for a day? I don’t want to go; although many children hate their parents enrolling them in a cram school, they see their friends enrolling in a cram school and, under the guidance of their parents, have no choice but to attend reluctantly. Therefore, during all the vacation time, they are either in class or on the way to class, and they never have time to do things that interest them. This kind of cramming learning sometimes does not help children learn and grow. More likely, it stifles the healthy development of children. My colleague Shanshan\’s daughter is a sophomore this year. She has done well since childhood, but she is almost an idiot in life.Shanshan has never taught her daughter to do anything related to independence. Her daughter has always spent time in textbooks, exercises, and homework. Shanshan has always insisted on giving her daughter the following ideas: she doesn’t need to do housework; she doesn’t need friends; she can’t go out to play;… she can’t do anything unrelated to study. As a result, after her daughter went to college, she couldn’t do anything. She didn’t know How often do sheets and quilts need to be changed? She doesn’t know that shoes and bags need to be cleaned too; she doesn’t know that socks and underwear can’t be washed together; she doesn’t know that the dormitory is a public environment and others need to be quiet when they study and rest;… She doesn’t know how to interact with others. To get along, I don’t understand that in addition to the knowledge in textbooks, this world also has many abilities that are not taught in textbooks. She didn\’t know that her roommates only helped her out of friendship as classmates and friends, rather than out of responsibility and obligation to her. Not to mention feeling grateful, as if it was natural for others to help her. She doesn\’t know how to take the initiative to solve various problems she encounters in life. She only thinks of relying on others and relying on other people\’s help. If you think about this child carefully, you will find that this kind of growth model is not rare in society. Many parents just want their children to go to a prestigious university, find a good job with a high salary, have a good future, and have no worries about food and clothing for the rest of their lives. But will such children really be successful in the workplace in the future? Not necessarily so. No one has taught them too many life principles and life survival skills. Can they do well? Many vivid facts prove that children who only know how to study will really be rejected by society. The child of a friend of mine, a girl, was introverted when she was a child. She would hug her parents\’ thighs when she saw people. As for calling people or playing around, she would never even think about it. This is true even for me, who goes to her house every week. Not to mention strangers. A couple of friends decided to take their children on a trip every weekend, with no obvious destination in mind. Their purpose is not simply to have fun, but to let the children gain knowledge, see more people, and see more things. After half a year, the effect was remarkable, and the children actually asked the waiter where the bathroom was. Once, we were invited to a friend\’s house for dinner. The friend made a mango milkshake. Her husband poured a glass for his daughter to drink first. The adults were busy in the kitchen, and the child was playing alone in the living room. After drinking a glass, she still wanted to drink. I just held the big cup of the food processor and poured it. The little person couldn\’t hold it, so the cup fell to the ground and the milkshake poured all over the floor. My friend\’s husband\’s reaction was like that of many parents, who impulsively want to teach their children a lesson. At this time, my friend asked her husband to stop talking. She turned around and communicated with her children: \”It\’s okay. Let\’s clean it up and have another drink.\” Tell your mother, why did you let it go?\” My daughter said, \”It was too heavy, and my hands had no strength, so I dropped it.\” \”My mother told you before that you can do it yourself first, but if you think you can\’t do it, you should ask an adult for it. Please help, now you know, there are some things you can\’t do now, you can do it by yourself when you grow up.\” Children will want to try to complete many small things according to their own ideas, but many parents will use other people\’s methods Think directly to tell the child, \”This won\’t work, you should…\” \”You should…\” Although it will allow children to complete something as quickly as possible, it is not a good thing from the perspective of children\’s long-term development. To a certain extent, it will stifle children\’s initiative and divergence of thinking. My friend said from She did not take the initiative to enroll her daughter in a training institution. Her daughter liked swimming, so she signed up for a swimming class, and she liked dancing, so she signed up for a dance class. All extracurricular learning projects are signed up on the condition that the child is interested and has a passion for learning. She never The daughter is required to study for a certain number of exams, and if her grades are not good, she must make up for them during vacation time… In this way, she is still a top student. At school, she will take the initiative to help teachers solve problems and help classmates learn; at home, she will understand the hard work of her parents. , and does not make random requests. She will take the initiative to arrange for memorizing poems and reading during the summer vacation. My friend always pays attention to cultivating the child\’s inner self, pays attention to the child\’s emotional changes, and will not say to the child, \”You are still young, you don\’t understand.\” As long as the child asks questions, he will do his best. He answers to the best of his ability and won\’t be perfunctory when he encounters something he doesn\’t understand. He tells his children that he doesn\’t know either and they can study it together. He always encourages his children to do things they don\’t know or dare not do. Children are like a child. Plasticine, he does not have the ability to distinguish right from wrong. He will develop how you guide him, just like kneading plasticine with your hands, you will get what you want. What your child looks like depends on your wisdom. Good grades and good performance Sensible children, what do their parents do? In order to let the children know what scalding is, my friend specially boiled a cup of boiling water until it was scalding but not scalding, and let the children touch it; in order to let the children learn to swim, landlubbers She accompanies her children to study together; in order for her children not to watch TV or play with mobile phones, she resolutely refuses to look at electronic products when staying with her children; she takes her children to travel everywhere during the holidays; she pays attention to the cultivation of children\’s hearts and habits, and always In cultivating children\’s independence, sense of responsibility, and gratitude. In the eyes of others, the children she educates seem to have become \”other people\’s children.\” \”The so-called \”other people\’s children\” do well, in fact, it is always \”other people\’s parents\” who do better! They do not regard their children as the continuation of their own lives, but as complete individuals, respecting their children\’s wishes, regardless of Stifle every possibility of the child\’s development and prevent the child from doing things according to his own requirements. When parents wash and cook, and the child comes to ask for help, those things that are not considered very dangerous can be handed over to him, and everyone can complete them together. . When parents come home from work all day and are very tired, and your children still ask you to play with them, you can show weakness to them appropriately and let them understand that parents are not omnipotent, and parents will also be tired. Don’t always be afraid of getting dirty, being tired, or being afraid. Trouble and fear that your children will get hurt. Just because you have been hurt before and have gone through detours, you cannot kill your children’s right to explore the world. Please let them go, love them, and let them come into contact with the world. Controlling your children too much is too restrictive. , just like you are holding the plasticine with all your strength. The tighter you squeeze, the more it will spill out. And if you want to create a good image, you often need to let go, observe, plan, and carefully carve. A child\’s life is not It’s not just about studying schoolworkThings, when parents guide their children to have the ability to be positive, explore and innovate, the child\’s life pattern will be opened up. A child with good grades and sense is not born. All his patterns are hidden in the education methods of his parents.