How important is a relaxed mother to the growth of her children?

A few days ago, \”Little Dragon Girl\” Wu Zhuolin was on the hot search again – because she ran away from home again. In March 2015, Wu Qili hit \”Little Dragon Girl\”, causing the school to call the police, and \”Little Dragon Girl\” ran away from home for the first time; in April 2015, she ran away from home for the second time due to her mother\’s drinking problem; in March this year, \”Little Dragon Girl\” He called the police to arrest his mother, claiming that he was being threatened; this was the fourth time Wu Zhuolin had run away from home. This time, Wu Zhuolin moved directly to live with a certain internet celebrity and was photographed sitting on the edge of the rooftop, smoking, drinking and chatting. As a mother, Wu Qili had no choice but to accept it. Over the years, \”Little Dragon Girl\” has always been the object of everyone\’s sympathy. The reason is not only because her father avoids her, but also because she has an extremely harsh mother. In the eyes of her mother, Wu Qili, \”I gave birth to you and raised you\” can control your life. She regards her children as her own private property. On the one hand, she held her daughter in the toilet until she was 9 years old, and helped her change clothes before she was 15 years old. On the other hand, whenever her daughter did not act according to her wishes, she would punish, beat and scold her, and she even beat her with a belt. Daughter, put the cigarette into your daughter\’s mouth. Father\’s love is missing and mother\’s love is deformed. During this child\’s growth, there was no sunshine and dew of love, but only the pain of whipping, the mother\’s strong control, and the loneliness that no one understood. Do you have to face such days without your biological father\’s company? Dou Jingtong, who also left his biological father, has a completely different life. Her mother Faye Wong\’s request to her is: \”You can be not very good, but you must not become bad.\” On the surface, she dyes her hair, gets tattoos, drops out of school, and plays rock music. She is a complete \”rebellious girl\”, but if Get to know her better and you\’ll find that there\’s more to her than meets the eye. However, when reporters interview her, she will ask the other person \”do you want to change to a more comfortable position?\”; when her assistant accidentally spills coffee, she will immediately help clean up; and when she is working, she will politely refuse to take a photo on the grounds of work. , and thoughtfully put the signed CD on the counter after work; when her mother announced her divorce from Li Yapeng, she immediately comforted her mother on Weibo… Yes, the definition of a good child has never been about appearance. When she got her first tattoo, faced with doubts from the outside world, her mother just said respectfully: Just don’t regret it yourself; her stepfather tried his best to help her enter Beijing No. 4 Middle School, but she gave up within a year and transferred to When studying music, her mother said: Just think about it; her mother made a rule with her: before she was 16 years old, she must arrive home before 10 o\’clock every night and must not stay up all night; the most important thing is that mother and daughter never quarrel… Yes, a child who gets enough support, respect and warmth will not be much worse. My colleague Sister Fan, because her husband is stationed abroad all year round, has been taking care of her children by herself. People often say: \”It\’s not easy for you to raise your own children!\” But she knows that some families are destined to face such a situation. Now that they have identified that person, they must accept the life that comes with it. Although her daughter is still young, she always respects her and never forces her to do things she doesn\’t like. Moreover, even if her husband is not around, she alwaysUse various ways to let your children know: \”Dad loves you just as much as mom, but he can\’t be with you for the time being.\” During the six or seven years when her husband was away from home, she took her children to tutoring classes, took her children to the hospital, took her children to outdoor activities, and even took her children with her when doing yoga. It was indeed difficult to raise a child alone sometimes, but she did not complain too much, but tried her best to arrange her life in an orderly manner: she chose a position with less income but more flexible time, which made it easier to pick up and drop off. Her daughter goes to and from school; she asks her husband to communicate with her daughter at any time through video and other methods to understand and participate in the child\’s growth process; she arranges the time for each family of three to get together so that the child understands the nature of his father\’s work and is full of admiration for his father; She studies English with her daughter, goes to art exhibitions together, works out together, and goes shopping together; she always maintains a strong thirst for knowledge, an optimistic attitude, and a good figure;… She said: \”Although my child cannot Like other children, her father is always with her, but she has not lost any of her fulfilling and interesting life experiences because of this. With me as a role model for her, I believe she is positive, sunny and happy!\” Yes! Yes, her daughter is very good. This excellence comes not only from her excellent grades, but also from her rich and diverse interests and hobbies, as well as her lively and enthusiastic personality. Last year, her husband finished working abroad for several years and returned to the local area to serve as a middle-level leader of a certain unit. He was doing well at work and the family was enjoying themselves. This year, her daughter took the college entrance examination and was successfully admitted to City University of Hong Kong. Now, I often see her posting photos of her couple traveling on WeChat Moments, which are so beautiful. It’s simply an inspirational life education film, is there any? Some people say, it’s already so difficult for women, why are you talking about this? Men should do this! That’s absolutely right! If you have a husband who is diligent and motivated and loves you, if you are a loving couple and have a harmonious family, if your husband can both make money to support the family and take care of the children…then everything is OK. However, many times, things are not that simple. Maybe, in order to make a living, he needs to work far away, he needs to travel for a long time or often work overtime, and the burden of the family has to fall on your shoulders; maybe, after living together, you find that your world view, life outlook and values ​​are simply not the same. Synchronicity, extremely different ideas, and irreconcilable conflicts; maybe, on a certain day of the year, your marriage broke down for one reason or another, and you had to take your children and leave that person;… No matter what it is, it means You have to shoulder the burden of educating your children alone. What should you do? Blaming everyone? Or face it calmly? From now on, treat the child as your own and let his every move fall under your control? Or should we respect him, love him, be calm and optimistic and be ourselves, and at the same time set an example for him in a subtle way? When we can\’t choose life, all we can choose is the way we face it. As the saying goes: One mother affects three generations. The key to family education is the mother. No mother wants her child to be positiveUpward, relaxed and happy, so what should we do? There are many answers, but the key point is: be such a mother. Yes, mentality and personality are hereditary. Whatever you want your children to be, you must first become that person. The philosopher Jaspers wrote in \”What is Education\”: The essence of education is that one tree shakes another tree, one cloud pushes another cloud, and one soul awakens another soul. Rousseau said in \”Emile\”: The best education in the world is the one that cannot see the education happening, but actually affects their hearts and helps them realize their potential. A rough and paranoid mother cannot raise relaxed and happy children, and a mother who does not even understand what optimism and independence is, how can she impart enough courage and wisdom to her children to face the difficulties in life? In this era, the most indispensable thing is a mother full of love and anxiety, and this is enough to destroy a child. As the person who was once connected to the child\’s umbilical cord, and as the main force in family education, the mother\’s influence on the child is crucial. So please relax and control your children forcefully instead of cultivating yourself carefully. A mother who knows how to love herself, love life, and love everything around her is charming, and this charm is also the best life model for her children. Because of this, her children will grow healthier and their lives will be better. Colorful.