Children are not the continuation of their parents’ lives, nor are they copies of their parents.

When we admit that children have their own cognition, their own ideas, their own interests and hobbies, their own spiritual world, and even their own growth experience and their own path to take, there will be more joy and understanding between us and our children. , less control and struggle. Children are neither a continuation of their parents’ lives nor a copy of their parents. They are just children whose friend’s daughter is in second grade. From the first grade, the teacher reported that she couldn’t sit still in class, couldn’t concentrate, and was procrastinating in her homework. It got better in the second grade, but has not yet reached the level expected. My friend was very sad and anxious. She said helplessly, how could I, a person who is so agile and capable, give birth to a child who is procrastinating and slow? The key is not to say it yet. If you say it, you will cry. Otherwise, what you want to say will be blocked in your stomach, leaving you bloated and speechless. She gave two examples. One time, her daughter defecated in the bathroom, and she asked her to come out quickly and do her homework. My daughter sat on the toilet and cried. While crying, I said, I am only in the first grade, when will I be the first? My friend said, early on, compulsory education is nine years. If you go to high school and go to college, it will take at least 16 years. Then, my daughter sat on the toilet in the bathroom, and her sobbing turned into howling. Friends said that that moment was really heartbreaking and funny. I didn\’t hate studying back then, otherwise I wouldn\’t have been able to get into college. Why is it that my daughter is only in the first grade and she already feels \”weary of studying\”? Another time, she told her daughter that her mother’s grades were very good back then. She didn’t need her parents to push her or take care of her, and she got into college on her own ability. Why don\’t you look like your mother? Children are the continuation of their parents’ lives. The daughter looked at her for a long time and said quietly that children are not the continuation of their parents\’ lives, nor are they copies of their parents. Children are just children. A friend said that at that time, my husband and I looked at each other and were speechless, only our hearts were racing. Is this what a child under eight years old said? You all give me red envelopes. Why can’t I give you red envelopes? I think of my son, who is also less than eight years old. During the Spring Festival, I took him back to my grandma’s house to celebrate the New Year. He is the only child in the family. On the morning of the first day of the Lunar New Year, after he paid New Year\’s greetings to everyone, his grandparents, uncle, aunt, me, and his dad each gave him a red envelope. Then everyone went about their own business. The first thing he did when he received the red envelope was to dump all the money in the red envelope on the bed and count it with a smile. After counting, he asked me for a few empty red envelopes. After a while, he came out of the house, gave each of the six of us adults working in the yard a red envelope, and said he wished everyone a happy New Year. Grandpa and grandma said while pushing, \”How can any child give red envelopes to adults? We don\’t want them.\” My uncle and aunt also said that this kid doesn\’t act according to common sense. When we were children, we received red envelopes and wanted to dig a hole in the ground to hide them. How could anyone at such a young age distribute the money they received? Seeing that no one wanted it, my son became anxious and said loudly, \”You all give me red envelopes, why can\’t I give you red envelopes?\” Grandma said, we all make money, but you are a child and don’t make any money. My son almost cried, but if you gave me the money, doesn\’t it belong to me? It\’s mine, why can\’t I separate it? I almost cried. How could such a money-loving mother give birth to such a child who \”sees money as dirt\”?? I cried secretly and said, \”Let\’s all accept it. This is also the child\’s wish.\” I have known my mother since I was born, but you only know my mother when you grow up. Naturally, I met her first. Mr. Yang Jiang wrote an interesting story about her daughter Qian Yuan when she was five years old. At that time, Mr. Qian Zhongshu had just returned from abroad. After not seeing each other for two years, Qian Yuan looked at the stranger in front of him, with a dark face, long hair and a long linen gown, as if he no longer recognized him. She was worried about the man she called daddy because he left his luggage next to her mother\’s bed. After dinner, she wanted to drive her father away, so she said, \”This is my mother, your mother is over there.\” Mr. Zhongshu smiled cowardly and said, \”Let me ask you, did I get to know your mother first, or did you get to know her first?\” The little Qian Yuan came here casually. Naturally, I got to know him first. I’ve known him since he was born, and you didn’t get to know him until he grew up. Mr. Yang Jiang wrote in \”The Three of Us\” that I was so surprised at the time that I remembered her words word for word. A child has the right to be who he can be. This is his inalienable right. Many parents regard their children as \”the continuation of their own lives\”, and some even regard their children as \”copies\” of their parents. This makes some \”promising\” parents either try their best to raise their children to be what they think they should be, or they are extremely regretful that their children have not grown up as they expected. It also makes some \”inaction\” parents either try to control their children and ask their children to become better people than themselves, or they try their best to suppress their children and belittle their children to become people like them. Only a very small number of parents can admit and accept from the bottom of their hearts that their children are unique individuals. He is neither a continuation of his parents\’ lives nor a copy of them. Thomas Gordon, a famous American psychologist, said that parents can change themselves to reduce unacceptable behaviors, but not change their children to become what they expect. A child has the right to be who he can be, no matter how different he is from his parents themselves, or how different they are from their parents\’ great blueprint. This is his inalienable right. Life will not go backwards or stagnate at yesterday. When we admit that children have their own cognition, their own ideas, their own hobbies, their own spiritual world, and even their own growth experience and their own path to take, we and There will be more joy and understanding between children, and less control and struggle. Now, let us read aloud two passages that often pass through the eyes of readers. One is Reinhold Niebuhr’s prayer: Lord! Please grant me the courage to change what I can; grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; and grant me the wisdom to know the difference. The second is what the Lebanese poet Gibran wrote in the book \”The Prophet\”: Your children are not really your children, they are the children that life desires for itself. They come through you, but not from you, and although they are with you, they do not belong to you. You can give them love, but don\’t instill your thoughts, because they have their own thoughts. …You can try to be like them, but don’t try to make them like you. Because life will not go backwards, nor will it stagnateyesterday.