Please stop telling your children \”this is life\”

Went to my cousin’s house for dinner during the Mid-Autumn Festival. A table full of relatives who also live in Suzhou came over. My cousin is in the fruit and vegetable business. He previously opened a restaurant, but later it closed due to poor business. Then I focused on opening a fruit and vegetable supermarket. After coming to Suzhou for more than ten years, I went from having nothing to buying a house, a car, and raising a pair of children, and I suffered a lot. I was working overtime during the Mid-Autumn Festival. When I came over with my husband and children after work, my cousin and younger siblings were busy in the kitchen. A table of dishes came into view: fish head with chopped pepper, stir-fried chicken, stewed old goose soup, hairy crabs, garlic lettuce, twice-cooked pork, stuffed prawns, tiger skin green peppers, braised chicken wings… The kitchen was still in full swing. When my brothers and sisters saw us coming, they quickly came out to say hello. I asked, is this table made by Yong (my cousin)? The younger brother and sister nodded and said, there are two more dishes, just make some soup. You sit and chat for a while. I couldn\’t help but give a thumbs up and said, you are so capable! My husband also sincerely admired it, what a great chef! At this time, my eldest aunt (my cousin\’s mother) said, she has opened a restaurant, if she can\’t even make these dishes, why should she open a restaurant? There was another knock on the door. My eldest aunt went to open the door, and my cousin\’s family of four came. Everyone talked and ended the discussion of a table of dishes. During the meal, a group of people were talking about random things in different directions. Talking about the food again, I joked that the food you made was delicious and delicious, and I would like to learn the art from your teacher someday. My cousin was also very happy and said that I have been here from two o\’clock in the afternoon. You have to be mentally prepared. Cooking takes a lot of time and energy. For example, this old goose soup has been simmered for three hours; this fish head with chopped peppers is boiled with tea oil until it smokes and poured on the chopped peppers… It\’s so lively to eat while talking. My uncle and his two children are both in the vegetable business. My uncle and aunt have stalls in the market, and my cousin and cousin each open a fruit and vegetable supermarket in the community. The uncle said that this year\’s Mid-Autumn Festival falls during the National Day, so most people from out of town have gone home, and there is not much business these days. He told his cousin-in-law, you should eat less food these days, so as not to waste it if it cannot be sold. The cousin looked at her cousin-in-law and said, I told him the same thing, but he didn\’t listen. The meat I got the day before yesterday was not sold out yesterday, and I got so much more today. My siblings gave them some advice. Sometimes we bought too much meat and couldn\’t sell it all, so I marinated it with salt and pepper and put it in the freezer. Some customers even like to buy meat like this. The cousin-in-law said disapprovingly that not much was wasted. Then he sighed and said, business is getting worse and worse. There are two fruit and vegetable supermarkets opened in our community, so the business is naturally not as good as yours. I\’m thinking, if this continues, your sister and I will go back to our hometown. People, no matter who they are, they have their fate. Anyway, I believe in fate more and more. If your life is not good, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless. I couldn\’t help but criticize him. If I don\’t work hard or put in effort, how can I know whether my life is good or not? My aunt said, sometimes you have to trust fate. You see, the business of Yong\’s store has always been good. His (cousin-in-law\’s) store has been open for a few years. As soon as it started to pick up, a store opened next door and it was robbed of many customers. My cousin is not convinced. Is it easy to open my store? I get up before two o\’clock every day to get the goods. She (my brother-in-law) opens the door early, picks vegetables, and sorts them., bundling, sprinkling water, and posting to WeChat Moments from time to time to display fresh vegetables and fruits. Last time I went to your store, I found that many vegetables had yellow leaves and they were not cleaned up, and the fruits were wilted and still there. When customers buy vegetables, they mainly look for freshness… My aunt said, you are no better. What’s the point of eating and drinking with lots of friends every day? The restaurant cannot be opened, and the new supermarket cannot be obtained, so we will just stick to this stall. My cousin argued that without the help of these friends, do you think I, a foreigner, could open the store so well? Everyone said something to each other, discussing things that had nothing to do with fate. Suddenly I remembered my childhood. There are often fortune tellers in and outside the village who say that this family is prosperous and that family\’s children can go to college. Regardless of whether it is accurate or not, as long as you say you are happy, you will be given more reward money, and if you are unhappy, you will be given more money in order to \”crack\” it. I remember I was counted out too, I forgot how to say it. After I came out to study, I gradually believed in the importance of choice and hard work, and forgot about \”fate\”. When I go back to my parents\’ house, I occasionally hear neighbors say that my brother and I are lucky. We have studied in rural areas and settled in the city. Unlike other children in the village, we are still working odd jobs and see no way out. At this time, I would think, what is life? Do you want to believe in fate or not? We are both in the countryside, we have been farmers for generations, and we don’t have any social resources. Why did we pass the exam in the countryside, but they didn’t? Are our lives really better than theirs? On the surface it seems so, but in fact I don\’t think so. My mother said that since I was in elementary school, when I came home from school every day, other children would throw away their schoolbags and go play or help with household chores. My brother and I both do our homework first. Sometimes the children come calling, and the mother says, \”I asked you to go play. Come back and write again.\” We replied, we will play after finishing writing. This habit of \”finishing homework before going out to play\” lasted throughout our student life. No one made the rules and no one supervised their implementation. As we grow older, walk longer and read more books, we all believe more and more that reading can change our destiny. For rural children without any resources, reading is the most direct, effective and easiest channel. So, while our peers were studying, we were studying. While our peers were eating, drinking and having fun, we were reading. While our peers were wandering in fantasy, we were reading. While our peers were working to make money, we were studying. While our peers were getting married and having children early, we were studying. If there is destiny, then it is our destiny to change our destiny through reading. But obviously, in order to study, we also gave up a lot of \”enjoyment\” time, and this process is not always pleasant. Readers who have seen the iceberg model know that the knowledge and skills a person presents in life are just the tip of the iceberg. The (subconscious) things you are not aware of, including self-perception, personality characteristics, and motivations, are what determine a person\’s life. factor of fate. In particular, self-perception is a self-assumption of a person\’s internal positioning of oneself, including identity, attitudes, values, etc. If you believe that you are destined to live a life of mediocrity and a bad life, then your positioning of yourself will become a reality as soon as possible. If you believe that three points of the sky are destined to lead to seven points of hard work,Don’t be discouraged, don’t give up, be willing to endure hardships, work hard, and change, and you will eventually have a brighter future and a brighter future. My cousin’s two children are in the third grade and the other in the first grade. They are both well-behaved and sensible, so they don’t have to worry about their studies. I am afraid that my cousin-in-law will instill in the children the concept of \”everything is fate\”, and I hope that he can tell the children that as long as they study hard, everything is possible. Only by giving can you be rewarded. If it is fate, then it is your fate to be lazy, idle, and miserable for half your life. You work hard and make progress, and even half your success is your life.