The son chews on his old age? ! You didn’t force me!

Is it strange that children cannot grow up and still cannot control their basic life after reaching a certain age? Sometimes it may be that the mother is too capable, stretches her hands too far, takes too much care, and assumes the responsibilities she should bear for her son. My neighbor\’s house is very typical. The reason why it is typical is because of the hostess and aunt. My aunt and I are 60 years old this year. My mother and I retired from a family factory. Our two families are close to each other. When we go out, we will turn around and come to my house. In addition, my mother and I are fellow villagers and play well, so the two families have a lot of contact. Diligence. My aunt and I are outspoken and can speak clearly and neatly. In the past few years, I have been away from home, and my mother feels lonely, so she often chats with her. That day, I was visiting with my aunt, and a few words she said to her mother in the living room came to my ears: \”It\’s been a year, and I just stay at home playing games, raising dogs, and not going out. What should I do?\” I left with my aunt. Finally, I asked my mother: \”Who is Auntie talking about?\” \”Who else? Xiaozhi. It has been two years since graduation and my job is not stable yet. I am resting at home now.\” Xiaozhi is the son of my auntie. \”Xiao Zhi doesn\’t have a job yet?\” I was a little surprised. In my impression, Xiao Zhi has always been the pride of him and his aunt. \”I never let Xiaozhi do housework, and he never goes out to interact with bad classmates. People in the same class as him, you know, were admitted to his undergraduate degree. Hey, he is just too honest… \”Once, my aunt and I brought Xiao Zhi to visit and asked me to help find a job for Xiao Zhi. She kept talking and didn\’t notice that the head of her adult son beside her was getting lower and lower. I asked Xiaozhi what kind of job he wanted to find, and he said without raising his head: \”Whatever!\” Later, maybe feeling rude, he added: \”I have been trying to find it, and I have found it before, but I was asked to go My mother said no to any job. \’This one is not stable enough\’, \’That salary is not high enough\’, \’You think so? It\’s because you are still young, and you will regret it later\’. They always control me, which makes me also I don’t know what I like, and I always ask questions when I go to work. Last time, I went to my company to find my supervisor, which made me unable to work anymore, so I simply stopped looking for it. My ears are clear!” I didn’t expect the actual situation! The situation was like this, so I asked his mother: \”Auntie, does Xiao Zhi like you to control him like this?\” He aunt said firmly, \”I\’m not doing this for his own good! I\’m afraid he will suffer!\” In fact, Xiao Zhihe\’s relationship with his aunt Patterns are not uncommon in life. In the parent-child relationship, parents often control their children in ways that are difficult to detect. Especially in our culture, filial piety and obedience are regarded as the embodiment of children\’s excellent qualities and filial piety. Such parents often say \”I am doing this for your own good\” and promise that as long as their children obey unconditionally, they will give them generous benefits, but rarely consider their children\’s needs and wishes emotionally. The implicit meaning of \”I am doing this for your own good\” is \”you must listen to me\”, which does not give you any choice at all. If you complain or talk back, they will feel very sad: \”Is it wrong to care about you?!\” Some parents often say: \”I care about you so much because I love you and care about you so much.\” If you weren\’t my child, why should I care about you?\” Over time, children will internalize this understanding, equate care and control, and completely lose their own opinions. easy in the endThe situation is as mentioned above. Xiaozhi was indeed trained to be \”honest\” by his mother. He was so \”honest\” that he lost his opinion and pursuit! In the end, when a mother is sad and worried, the saddest thing is the child. There is no doubt that parents love their children, but when we dote on our children and do everything for them, we are hurting them in the name of love. The process of children understanding the world and themselves needs to be carried out through interaction with the surroundings. In order to save trouble and time, parents arrange things for themselves. As a result, they are burdened with worries and hinder the healthy development of their children. They make children overly dependent on their parents, which not only destroys their independent will, but also develops the bad habit of laziness and dependence, which directly hinders their children. Develop yourself and understand the world. How does a child who is protected by his parents interact with his surroundings? He can\’t hear different sounds and can\’t touch the heat and cold around him. How can he see his position clearly? Even if such children are born into a materially well-off family, they have been growing up with mental shackles, and their independent will, social interaction skills, and problem-solving abilities will gradually be lost. Xiaozhi has a deep sense of helplessness. This is due to his mother\’s excessive manipulation of the child in the past, which has restricted his various non-intellectual abilities, so that he has not been able to exercise sufficient abilities and methods to solve problems. There is a concept of \”learned helplessness\” in psychology, which was proposed by American psychologist Seligman from the \”electric shock dog experiment\”. The manifestation reflected in people is: when a person tries hard many times and repeatedly After failing and forming the belief that \”behavior has nothing to do with results\”, this feeling of helplessness may be over-generalized to all situations, even those that can be controlled, so the most commonly used mantra becomes \” I can not\”. For example, when you were in elementary school, due to some accidental factors, your composition score has been stable at 60 points. Then you may have learned to helplessly form a hint to yourself-\”I am not good at composition\”, so you work When it comes to anything related to written content – copywriting, PPT writing, etc., your first reaction will be to think \”I can\’t do it.\” As a result, you will gradually lose your confidence and lose many opportunities. Children who have grown up under the control of their parents for a long time, whose parents blindly oppose their children\’s autonomy in the name of love, even if they are adults, will subconsciously think \”I can\’t do it\” when they encounter difficulties, and feel hugely swallowed up and overwhelmed. Feelings and being unable to be your true self. The famous education expert Teacher Lu Qin once raised a thought-provoking question: \”What should we leave to our children? Should we leave wealth to our children, or should we turn our children into wealth?\” Regarding this question, I believe that all parents have There are answers to them all. In fact, the greater the power of parents, the more they deprive their children of their freedom, and the more serious the consequences will be… As a good social person, this is productivity; as a powerful parent, it is destructive. Is it strange that children cannot grow up and still cannot control their basic life after reaching a certain age? Sometimes it may be that the mother is too capable, stretches her hands too far, takes too much care, and assumes the responsibilities she should bear for her son. Causes children to doubt themselves and worryI don\’t have enough ability to support myself and live anxiously. When such children grow up to become employees, they are likely to lack the ability to solve problems independently. When he really needs to make a decision, he cannot choose, which affects his self-development and understanding of the world. Therefore, since we cannot protect our children throughout their lives, we have the responsibility and obligation to guide our children to face life with appropriate methods and attitudes. When children are very young, parents try their best to protect them but also let go appropriately. I believe that children will bravely take their own steps and return life, difficulties, challenges in life, and the sense of satisfaction and accomplishment after solving problems to them little by little.