Fuck you \”humility makes people progress\”, I was hurt by this sentence

On weekend evenings, when I had nothing to do, I went online to watch the newly released Golden Horse Awards Ceremony. When it was time to award the Best Supporting Actor, host Tao Jingying ran off the stage to interview director Ang Lee because his son Li Chun was shortlisted this year. Tao Jingying wanted to ask him, how does it feel to be a father? Ang Lee first said politely, \”Of course I\’m very happy,\” and then, as soon as the conversation changed, he immediately responded as if reflexively, \”But to be honest, he is still very young, and I hope someone else wins the award.\” . When I heard this, my heart suddenly skipped a beat. Tao Jingying was also surprised and asked, \”So you hope your son won\’t win the award?\” Ang Lee was still modest, saying that there were many outstanding actors and wonderful performances shortlisted this year, and his son was still young. Moreover, he hoped that even if Li Chun did not win the award this time, he could handle it calmly and be happy for others. After listening, Tao Jingying began to smooth things over. Oh, it turns out that Director Ang Lee wanted his son to be trained more. In the end, the result was as Ang Lee wished, and Li Chun did not win the Best Supporting Actor award. The camera cut to Li Chun, and I saw him trying hard to smile. After reading this short paragraph, I fell into deep thought. Of course I understand what Ang Lee means. You must be humble and not complacent. You have to take more blows before you can move forward. Moreover, when facing failure, we must be broad-minded and deal with it calmly. These words are so familiar, as if they are holy words, and are extremely correct. However, they are also so hurtful. I feel extremely sad when I hear them. How uncomfortable it was to run with him, but Li An reminded his son to do this and do that, but he should not be sad or sad. Even if he is as gentle and reasonable as Li An, it is difficult for him to encourage and affirm his son calmly in public. The word \”running with you\” is so deceptive. It exudes a sense of applause for others, so upright and natural that it makes outsiders forget the sadness, disappointment and forced smile behind it. But I understand that feeling too well. When I was in elementary school, I had to choose a monitor every year. The rules are very simple. The teacher selects 5 candidates, and then the students raise their hands to vote. The two with the most votes are elected as the monitor and deputy monitor. Every year, my name will be written on the blackboard, and I will be selected, but every year, I will definitely not be selected. I am an escort. Year after year, the young me sat in the classroom and listened to the teacher singing votes. My head was drooped, my face was burning, but in my heart I wished I could dig a hole out of the classroom and disappear. I never dared to look at the blackboard to see how many votes I got, and I never dared to look back to see who voted for me and who didn’t. Walking through the faint tunnel of time, I seemed to be able to see that little girl. She was so sad that she was trembling, but she couldn\’t say anything yet. She had to pretend like nothing happened, she couldn\’t let people know that she cared, she was fucking uncomfortable. I became a lonely volcano, erupting violently with no one to rescue me. All of it, I can only digest it silently. I couldn\’t tell my friends because it would be too embarrassing; I couldn\’t tell my mother because she wouldn\’t understand. She won’t understand my discomfort, and she might even say: Then you have to look for it yourself.Find reasons why you can\’t choose. This annual run has become my annual denial meeting, like a nightmare. Every year, the vote counts against me: I must be bad, so I can’t be elected. But I don’t know what’s wrong with me; I don’t know how to become good. In the subsequent growing years, I was always surrounded by low self-esteem and felt that I was inferior to others. I would always secretly wonder about my ranking in the group, and I was scared that I was in last place. I have a natural fear of being at the bottom. I\’m very bad, so I can\’t stop, I have to move forward forever. Don\’t let your guard down! I can\’t let myself go! Therefore, I am very harsh on myself and have high requirements. Doing it well is a given and should be done well every time. I often criticize myself, but rarely affirm myself. I always feel that praising myself is not worth doing. However, I worked hard to make progress, but the longer I lived, the more tired I became and exhausted. It\’s like climbing a mountain that is too high to reach the top. After finally climbing over one peak, you find that there is another one. I\’m too tired to hold on anymore. As a result, when I encountered difficulties, I started to feel inexplicable fear and worry, and I couldn\’t devote my time and energy to solving the problem at all. Often in the end, I just have to escape. I\’m afraid of going back to that position of denying myself again. This is too uncomfortable and I can\’t face it. Until a while ago, I became curious about psychology. I read a lot of books and went to see a psychiatrist. I just realized how much this childhood experience had an impact on me. Some of the knotty knots in my life were finally opened. I am not really motivated, I am pretending to be motivated. Behind me, there is always a dissatisfied person, waving a whip, whipping me forward. There is always a voice telling myself, don\’t be too arrogant, keep your tail between your legs and be a good person. So, like a mule, I was forced to keep going. Once I finish one thing, I never dare to be happy or rest, and I immediately move on to the next thing. I simply don’t give myself the chance to experience happiness. This is the truth about how I try to live a good life, but am extremely tired. I was engaging in self-abuse through “excessive expectations.” Why is my \”overexpectation\” so serious? In addition to this childhood experience of running with me, the more fundamental reason is that I can hardly get direct and happy recognition from my parents. They never knew I was in such pain. In our culture, humility is always considered a virtue. Parents rarely praise their children positively, thinking that this is the best education. When you are happy about doing well in an exam, your parents will promptly remind you, \”Don\’t get carried away, pride makes people fall behind!\” A basin of cold water is poured down, and even happiness is not allowed. You can\’t be happy about getting good grades, and it\’s even worse if good grades come too easily. Some parents will even artificially let their children suffer a little more frustration. They naively believe that this way the children will not be afraid when encountering greater difficulties in the future and will be able to stand up. They also euphemistically call it frustration education. As a result, our children either grow up in pain and struggle, or they continue to retreat and escape because of too much pressure, until they give up. \”Humility makes people progress\”Pride makes people regress,\” the preaching kidnapping ignores and suppresses children\’s true feelings of victory or defeat in competition after competition. Ang Lee\’s son Li Chun is nominated for the supporting actor for the first time, so he can\’t be concerned about the trophy. Desire and expectation? Is it because Li Chun was ultimately defeated because he was too young and inexperienced, so he couldn\’t have disappointment and frustration, and he had to deal with it calmly, so he could only be happy for others to win? The frustration brought to me by running with him for a long time , discouragement, disappointment, sadness, shame… No one has ever helped me relieve them. I just kept suppressing them, and they eventually became my accomplices in abusing myself. In fact, when I was young, I longed so much, My mother can hold me tightly and say to me gently: My child, you are not selected. I know you are very sad and uncomfortable. You can cry loudly. I see that you are among the top 5 in the class and can be chosen by others. I am already very happy to be selected. I think what Ang Lee’s son Li Chun is most eager to hear is his father holding a microphone and saying to everyone: Son, no matter whether he can win the award or not, he can be nominated this time. , in my mind, it’s already great! If these true emotions are seen, understood, and accepted, children will gain the courage to face their own shortcomings and truly develop the motivation to improve themselves. High pressure, low affirmation , often criticize, and all feelings are ignored. This is what many of us have encountered in our growth. Now, when I become a parent, I don’t want to continue this practice. I want to cut off this cycle. Fuck you. \”Pride makes people lag behind, humility makes people lag behind\”! I will say it loudly to my child – child, you laugh when you win and cry when you lose. Mom will always be by your side and support you!