Making children confident is the most important thing for parents to do

My baby is two and a half years old and has reached a sensitive period for order. Many things must be done in the order he likes. What bothers me the most is the order in which I go to bed. According to his wishes, he drinks milk first, then goes to pee, crawls back into bed and plays with daddy for a while, then goes to pee. Then he lay down on the bed, put his face on my hand, turned over several times, and found a comfortable position before falling asleep. If I can successfully coax him to sleep according to this sequence, I will be quite relieved, but the problem is that this is just a basic procedure. If you want to fall asleep, you have to add a few small programs. Sometimes he wants water, sometimes he wants toys, he gets up to pee again and again, and every time he lies about the military situation. For me, putting myself to sleep is a big project, time-consuming and labor-intensive. But I knew that this was an important period for cultivating his sense of security, so I didn’t dare to disturb him and tried my best to hold back my anger and act with him. Unexpectedly, the more I followed him, the worse his performance became. When we walked according to the order, he basically never peed; and every time he took the initiative to tell me to pee, he had already peed on his pants. Every time I was so angry that I told him over and over again that he must tell his mother in advance, otherwise he would wet his pants. He nodded sensibly and agreed readily, but every time he would strike first and then tell the story later. For this reason, I have spoken to him earnestly many times, lost my temper with him many times, and beaten him many times, but it has no effect. If you are angry in your heart, it will inevitably show on your face. For a while, I was annoyed by coaxing him to sleep, and I no longer spoke softly to him, and my attitude was a bit rough. Lao Sun has always been a good-tempered person. He doesn\’t pay much attention to his children\’s tricks. Instead, he does ideological work with me. He asked me whether it was more important to wet his pants or to let the baby sleep happily. I answer, of course it is important to let the baby sleep. He followed suit, since sleep was still important, so don\’t worry so much about peeing your pants. So, the two of us agreed that Lao Sun would be responsible for taking care of the baby and peeing, and I would only need to be a human being. Unexpectedly, this trick worked quite well, at least the baby peed his pants less and less often. I was very puzzled. Why did it not work even though he listened to my reasoning? But Lao Sun didn’t say anything and just stayed with him, and he was so cooperative. To be honest, in the years since I became a mother, I haven’t really understood the issue of raising children. In order to clarify my confusion, I also communicated with many friends who are also mothers. They all agreed that this was the baby deliberately causing trouble. However, I don\’t quite agree. It was so uncomfortable to wear wet pants. How could he make this mistake again and again and make himself uncomfortable? Later I saw an article and I finally understood. The author of the article is also Mei Bao\’s mother. She used to be anxious about her baby\’s stuttering. The baby was more than two years old at the time. Her baby started talking early and spoke fluently. Coupled with his lively nature, he spoke like a chatterbox. But at some point, the baby started stuttering. The words that I usually speak very easily now take a lot of effort to say, and I start to stutter as soon as I say the first two words. She was very anxious, so when the baby spoke, she corrected her, but the more she corrected the baby, the more he stuttered. Within a few days, the baby didn’t even want to talk anymore. She quickly looked up information online and read parenting books, but all the solutions were to ignore it, not put pressure on him, and let him recover slowly.. She made an agreement with her family not to deliberately correct her son\’s speech errors, and she was more patient with him. She never interrupted when he spoke and did not take his stuttering seriously. Not long after, the child\’s stuttering improved and he became the talkative self again. So what caused this shift? I think we can all find that parents\’ attitudes play a big role. Their attitude becomes more relaxed and they no longer put pressure on their children, so they can speak without worries. In other words, with the silent encouragement of parents, children can regain their confidence in themselves and have the possibility of progress. Wetting pants, stuttering, etc. are all related to children\’s self-confidence. Psychologist Adler believes that many behavioral problems in children can be attributed to them feeling discouraged. Most of the time, discouragement is caused by parents, because it is easy for parents to judge their children from their own perspective. We think that children are too weak, immature, and inexperienced in doing things, so we intentionally or unintentionally imprint contempt and denial on them in their hearts, causing them to lose their self-confidence. In order to overcome this kind of discouragement, children will take various actions to make up for it. However, due to limitations of experience and misjudgment of the situation, many children set wrong action goals. A common misguided goal is to use behaviors that are objectionable to parents to attract their attention. Take the matter of a child peeing his pants as an example. The more you tell your child not to pee his pants and you are particularly angry about him peeing his pants, the more discouraged he will be. Under your denial, he will not feel his own strength and will doubt himself, thinking that he can\’t even pee well. And your repeated emphasis will only make him lose confidence and become more discouraged. He would think, since I can\’t control when to pee, then I might as well stop controlling it and pee whenever I want. Mom will always clean up the mess anyway. At the same time, he sees you surrounding him because he peed his pants, and he feels that peeding his pants can attract his mother\’s attention and prove that he is important and worthy of her mother\’s love. Comparing dry pants with getting mother\’s love, getting mother\’s love is more important, so he will wet his pants all the time. This pattern is common but subtle enough that many parents are unaware of it. For example, you helped your child dress since he was a child. When he grows up, even if he can dress himself, he will still cling to you and ask you to dress him. He will still pester you to send it in; the homework is so-so, and the more you tell him, the more he will not correct it, forcing you to stay by his side all the time, helping him check and calculate. There are too many such things to mention. However, when a child is young, he can rely on us for protection, but when he becomes an adult, he can no longer hide under our wings, and we cannot protect him for a lifetime. He has to step out of our world and endure the ups and downs and setbacks of life. And if he fails to develop self-confidence and cannot rely on his own strength to overcome difficulties, sooner or later he will be severely hit by reality. Therefore, making children confident is the most important thing for parents to do. Please keep the following two points in mind at all times: Don’t be too quick to deny, give timely affirmation and encouragement. An educator said that children need encouragement just likePlants need water. Indeed, without our affirmation and encouragement, it will be difficult for children to realize their abilities and they will not be able to exert their own strength. If a child does not do well, don\’t rush to deny him or pour cold water on him. Instead, find out what he has done well, give him affirmation and encouragement, and stimulate his self-confidence. He is a mess at handicrafts and the results are very difficult to show. Don\’t rush to call him stupid. Find out what he does well and give him recognition. You can praise him for his patience and encourage him to try a few more times. I believe he will be very happy. Soon he will make progress. Be more patient and give your children the opportunity to make mistakes. Learning is a process that takes time and requires learning from mistakes. It takes a lot of effort for us adults to deal with unfamiliar things, let alone children. Therefore, when educating children, you must be patient. Teach your child to tie his shoelaces. If he fails to do it once, give him a few more chances. Don\’t yell at him, criticize and blame him, give him a chance to make mistakes, so that he can try and learn without any psychological burden. I believe that he will repay us not only with beautiful results, but also with gratitude to us. I believe that parents have good intentions and worry about their children\’s growth, but good intentions may not necessarily bring good results. On the road to raising children, it is easy for us to make big mistakes and damage our children\’s self-confidence, so we must always be careful. We should care for their self-confidence just like we care for young saplings, and we should not be stingy with encouragement and praise. We believe that with our encouragement, they will become more confident and stronger. We also have reason to believe that one day, our children will be grateful to us for this, with respect and love.