Why do I encourage my children to talk back?

When I saw my daughter\’s report card, I was really going to explode. I teamed up with my husband to prepare to have a good talk with my daughter. I said, \”I think you should be able to do better in the exam.\” The girl said, \”It\’s not all my fault. The teacher and I don\’t get along.\” Dad said, \”These six courses are taught by six teachers.\” The girl said: \”People who can\’t get along with others like to be teachers.\”… She said something back to us and was really angry! Yesterday before going to bed, I tried my best to tell my mother-in-law to the girl: \”Stop talking back, okay?\” The girl said sincerely: \”I am not a child anymore, I also have my own ideas.\” The secret was revealed, and I suddenly had an idea. A feeling of enlightenment. The phenomenon of talking back should be a very common thing in daily life. \”I don\’t want it\”, \”I won\’t\” and \”I won\’t listen to you\” have become children\’s mantras. The behavior of talking back is actually a sign of a child\’s growth – I have grown up. Before the age of three, children\’s lives are basically controlled by their parents. As their awareness of independence increases, they begin to want to live in their own way, such as what to eat, what to wear, what to do, etc. After the age of four or five, children begin to talk back more and more. This is because as children grow older, their awareness of independent thinking becomes stronger and stronger. When they think it is wrong or unreasonable, they will choose to talk back to their parents. In this way, the phenomenon of talking back will naturally occur. more and more. For example, my girl will often say: \”Mom, what you said is wrong.\” Psychologists believe that children talk back because they are helpless and confused. When parents tell their children \”not\” to do something, they feel that their Having been deprived of their rights but unable to resist, they unconsciously resorted to talking back in anger to find a psychological balance. Existence makes sense. What is the reason behind children\’s talking back behavior? Prove one\’s own growth. When a child starts to say \”no\” and starts to have differences with adults, he is actually expressing his attitude in order to distinguish himself from others. Especially when parents speak in a commanding tone, children may talk back because they want to be respected by their parents and be treated like \”adults.\” Not long ago, my best friend complained to me on the Internet that my son, who quit his job to raise me, has become a \”little white-eyed wolf\”. Recently, he was talked back to by his son and suffered internal injuries. But when her four-year-old son was chatting with my girl, he said, \”My mother doesn\’t even let me speak. When I speak, she says I\’m disobedient.\” Talking back is a limit. If this signal appears, I just want to say, Congratulations, your child has grown up. Testing parents\’ bottom line Children use talking back as a way of resistance to test adults\’ bottom line and test their patience. They want to know how they will react after contradicting them. At the same time, they are also flaunting themselves – I am no longer a child. My son likes to eat sweets, and the rule I give him is one candy a day. During the Chinese New Year, candies were everywhere at my relatives’ houses. He said, “You’re not right, they all eat a lot of candies and their teeth are in good shape.” Even though he tried to convince me by talking back, I had to keep mine. Bottom line, tell him that since it is a rule, it cannot be broken. Attract adults\’ attention. Some children feel they are being ignored.For example, if parents are too busy, they usually use this attractive method to attract their attention. Sometimes, when I am busy with housework and have no time to spend with my child, I let him watch TV for a short while. But from time to time, I asked him to stay away or rest his eyes for a while, but the answer he got was almost always: \”No\”, with a look of rejection. If I stretch out my hands and say give my son a hug, he will immediately run over and snuggle up to me obediently. My son deliberately talked back, just hoping to get my attention. Express your own opinions. If parents always look strict in front of their children, and the children are in a weak position and have no chance to show themselves and get exercise, then when the children think they are right, they will work hard to express themselves. A University of Virginia study found that children who frequently argue with their parents at home are more able to cope with external differences of opinion more easily. The study asked 150 13-year-old children to describe a conflict they had with their parents. Two years later, they compared the way they argued with their parents and the way they got along with their colleagues. Those children who had conflicts with their parents but stayed calm were better able to withstand pressure from their colleagues. One time I accused the girl of holding chopsticks incorrectly, and the girl said disapprovingly: \”As long as you can pick up the food, why bother about the form, the result is the most important.\” My husband said that the girl had a big head, but if you think about what the girl said, it\’s quite true. It makes sense. Later, my husband and I communicated and allowed the girl to \”talk back\” because she was expressing her own point of view. Children who are outspoken have a higher happiness index. Sometimes children talk back, really without any reason, just to make fun. However, this can be considered a good thing. From a human psychology perspective, outspoken people have a higher happiness index because they are more likely to speak out when they feel unhappy. Moreover, not only do I feel better after talking about many things, but the problems also become easier to solve. Therefore, when it comes to children talking back, we should all treat this behavior rationally and emotionally. The American writer Audrey Ricker wrote in the book \”What to do as parents when their children talk back\”: \”Talking back is a disrespectful behavior. It will cause children to lose the respect of their parents and friends.\” Almost no fathers Mom loves kids who talk back, including our own parents. A child who talks back will be labeled \”disobedient\”. This actually hides the inequality in personality between parents and children. Some experts once conducted such a study: children aged two to five were divided into two groups. One group usually liked to talk back and was more rebellious, and the other group was usually obedient and less rebellious. The results found that 80% of children with strong resistance had strong independent judgment ability when they grew up; only 24% of children with weak resistance were able to act on their own when they grew up, but their ability to make independent judgments was still relatively weak. Often dependent on others. When children talk back, they are not only expressing their best ideas, but also an opportunity to exercise their own expression. What should parents do when faced with their children\’s talking back behavior? 1. Let the child\’s emotions \”calm down.\” When children are young, their ability to internalize language into their own actions is not very strong. For example, \”Parents tell the child to go to bed and stop playing.\” child oneChildren cannot be separated from their original activities, so parents should give them time to overdo it. You can tell him that if you are doing something now, he will stop playing the piano when your own thing is finished. In foreign countries, once a child has a dispute with his parents, the parents\’ opinions are questioned by the child. They will shrug, tell the child calmly: \”I hope you will think again about how to talk to me,\” and turn around and leave. In fact, this is to give the child time to overdo it and let them think about their behavior. 2. Let \”laziness\” fly longer in the world of parents. Some people say that Chinese parents are the most worried parents. But the best education is not to control. If children have awareness, they can choose what they like, such as what clothes to wear, what kind of food to eat, where to play… these things, let the children make their own decisions and cultivate their analysis. Ability, social skills, and the psychological quality of children to bear consequences. What parents have to do is to put forward their own ideas in the form of suggestions. The child\’s cognitive system is not perfect, so when communicating with the child in language, it is necessary to take into account his understanding ability and scope. At the same time, we should also note that things that need to be explained should be said only once. The famous American writer Mark Twain once listened to the pastor\’s speech in church. Initially, he felt that the pastor\’s words were very touching and moved people, so he was ready to donate money. Ten minutes later, the pastor had not finished speaking. He became impatient and decided to donate only some change. After another ten minutes, the pastor had not finished speaking, so he decided not to donate a penny. When the pastor finally finished his lengthy speech and began to solicit donations, Mark Twain was so angry that he not only refused to donate the money but also stole 2 yuan from the plate. There is an over-limit effect in psychology, which refers to a psychological phenomenon that causes extreme psychological impatience or resistance due to excessive stimulation, too strong stimulation, and too long an action time. The more parents talk about certain things, the more irritable the children will be. They will think that they are being questioned and being controlled, so they will talk back. 3. Speak freely is the best communication. According to statistics, about 70% of children love to talk back. Talking back hides the child\’s emotions. After the child says \”no\”, parents can guide them to tell the reason. At this time, the behavior of talking back becomes an argument. One time I called the girl to have dinner, but she said, \”I won\’t eat.\” When I heard that this was not right, I put the rice in the rice cooker and went to her room to find her scribbling on a piece of paper. I asked her what was wrong, and her eyes turned red and tears fell. She said that during class today, her deskmate talked to her, causing her to stand still. The girl used the behavior of talking back to hide her grievances. Fortunately, I didn\’t scold her and gave her a chance to open up. Allowing children to speak their innermost thoughts not only makes them feel respected, but also establishes a good parent-child relationship. Parents are no longer the superior authorities, and children are no longer their parents\’ subordinates. We want to grow together.