Why is it that even though I have read so many parenting books, it is still difficult to change my education methods?

Have many parents ever fallen into this myth: they bought a bunch of parenting books, praised the theories in them, and secretly thought about educating their children in this way, only to turn around and see their children being naughty and getting into trouble again. , suddenly became furious, scolded her as usual, and threw out the \”ten things parents should never say to their children\” long ago. I originally thought that it would be enough for my child to grow up healthily, but I couldn\’t help but enroll my child in a tutoring class with a famous teacher, and pooled my money to buy a house in the school district. I originally wanted to respect my child\’s choice, but when faced with unreasonable demands, I still couldn\’t help but break into the lion\’s roar. I originally thought that my child should be more tolerant of his playful nature, but when I saw the expensive cosmetics being destroyed by my own child, I still couldn\’t help but want to beat him. Why is it that the changes we have in mind are always difficult to implement, just like our New Year’s goals, which can only be seen in the distance but difficult to get close to? The editor has analyzed a few stubborn problems in parent education methods that are difficult to change. This is for reference only. Welcome to join us. Stubborn Illness 1: Beware that upbringing can also lead to \”crazy English\”. Li Yangxiang was once famous back then. It wasn\’t until his American wife Kim posted photos of her injuries on Weibo that Li Yang\’s domestic violence incident came to light. In the public eye, the image of the nationally famous English teacher fell to the bottom for a while, and his previous remarks about marriage and children were once again mentioned. Please click here to enter the picture description. The picture is excerpted from \”Li Yang was interviewed by Chai Jing: My child is an experimental subject.\” Many people lamented that Li Yang was ruthless and used his children as experimental subjects. In fact, Li Yang\’s own childhood was not Better off. He was raised by his grandmother when he was three or four years old, and then returned to Xinjiang to live with his parents. Because it was the Cultural Revolution at the time, his parents were also subject to some political suppression, so they often vented their unsatisfactory life on Li Yang. Li Yang was often beaten and scolded by his parents when he was young. When asked by reporters as an adult, he still clearly remembered that his family had cursed him to have to dig out poop when he grew up. The repressed parent-child relationship makes him feel ashamed of intimacy. Not to mention hugging and shaking hands with his father, he blushes even when he calls \”Dad\”. He usually has to walk in front of his father and shout \”Hey\” before talking to him. say. Although Li Yang claimed that he would try to hug his daughter after becoming a father in order to change his personality, it could not change the fact that he had beaten his wife in front of his children, nor could he erase the fact that he had repeatedly expressed in the public media that children are education The words of the guinea pig. Many real cases show that domestic violence has a high probability of being \”inherited\” to children. Most of this inheritance is not based on genes, but on family education. Children who grow up in a violent environment will also subtly form the seeds of violence in their hearts. However, it is not just domestic violence that can be \”inherited\”. It may be a lack of patience, a lack of trust in children, or too strict requirements… It should be noted that part of family education will also undergo \”reincarnation\”. The most cruel thing is Many parents are often unaware of this problem and do not realize that some of the details of their education are exactly the same as the parents they saw in childhood. Stubborn disease 2: Emotional control is a problem. The most common situation that many parents encounter is that although they love their children very much, they still cannot control themselves when they see their children making mistakes.No matter how many parenting books I read, the only way to control my own emotions at critical moments is to beat, scold, and punish the child. Of course, appropriate and reasonable punishment is sometimes necessary, but as soon as parents lose control of their emotions, the impact is sometimes more serious than punishment. First, losing control of your emotions can form a vicious cycle. Just like laziness, as long as you indulge yourself once, you will inevitably have a second time. The final result is that parents\’ education methods become more and more irrational and emotional. Second, negative emotions are contagious. A parent\’s bad temper either makes the children fearful and overwhelmed, or makes them equally violent and sensitive. If it is the former, the child will appear to be \”obedient\” and the parents may even have the illusion that the child has been taught well. In fact, it is a self-protective behavior caused by the child\’s lack of security. The latter is even worse. Children will only use very rebellious behavior to fight against their parents. Some parents may say: \”My temper is just like this, and I can\’t change it. There\’s nothing I can do about it.\” Well, if you think so, please forgive your child for having such shortcomings. Please Also don\’t interfere. Obviously, not many parents will accept such advice. In this case, why not try to control their emotions and change their education methods? Stubborn problem 3: Is it too difficult to change or don’t want to change? In many cases, parents’ difficulty in changing their education methods is actually the same thing as their difficulty in changing themselves. After listening to a psychology lecture, a female audience once asked the expert: \”I always can\’t control myself and have a cold war with my husband. What should I do?\” The expert answered her lightly: \”It\’s your own fault. Obviously you can choose not to do this, next question.\” Like many parents who are stuck in the past education methods, we could have changed, but in the end we chose to indulge our own temperament and emotions. If you don’t have strong motivation and willpower to change, don’t blame others. However, there are still some parents who have actively made changes, but the results are not ideal… Raising their children according to the book, but the children do not follow the script. The editor once heard a story. A reader wrote to \”Reader\” magazine , saying that he acted according to the life philosophy given in the magazine article, and asked why he did not have a beautiful and happy life. The editor who received the letter was dumbfounded after reading it, thinking that the girl who wrote the letter was too sincere. In fact, many parents are not like this. They follow the steps of parenting books to teach their children, but they do not get the desired results at all. In the end, they return to the old way of teaching their children. The famous parenting expert John Rosemond also mentioned this in his \”The Terrible Twos\”. Many parenting books assume an ideal parent-child relationship template, and this template is not affected by any external difficulties. , but this is obviously not the case. Each child is unique. The same parents\’ actions on 100 children may have 100 reactions with different details. Not to mention, no one exists in isolation. Children have to come into contact with so many people they know every day, and they have to experience many things that parents are not aware of. These people and things are affecting and changing them, not just their own. The family’s parenting style is at work. Having said so much, many readers may feel sleepyConfused, if it is not changed, it is wrong, and if it is changed, it may not achieve the desired results. What should parents do to really benefit their children? To change the way of education, it is better to change yourself first. The BBC spent 49 years tracking 14 children from different walks of life in the UK. They began to interview them when they were 7 years old, and conducted current status interviews every 7 years. Today, these children They are already a group of 56-year-old middle-aged people. Years of investigation records show that most children live in their original class, and of course there are a very few who have achieved a counterattack in life. Many people simply attribute this phenomenon to class consolidation. Of course, this is also the reason, but the influence of parents\’ family education also plays a major role. Children born in middle-class families start reading the Financial Times and The Times when they are 7 years old. The dream of children born in poor families is to be punished and beaten less, while those who stay in the orphanage at the age of 7 Paul doesn\’t even know what college means. Obviously, parents\’ outlook and vision will profoundly affect their children\’s future development. John, who had been concerned about current affairs since childhood, eventually went to Oxford University and worked in the court. Paul, who didn\’t know the meaning of college, became a worker, married a wife and had children, and lived a happy life. When you see this, don’t simply think that this documentary is just showing that rich parents will have excellent children. After all, we have seen a lot of news about the rich second generation getting into trouble and committing crimes, so I won’t give examples here. In the final analysis, all education methods are actually teaching by words and deeds, which cannot be completed overnight. Educating children is not just about following the same words and making the same choices according to the books, but also the daily words and deeds of parents, your preferences, and their opinions. The choice of a child\’s school, holiday travel, pocket money given, and life sentiments expressed are all important parts of a child\’s growth and education. How can parents who don\’t like studying themselves persuade their children to study hard? Therefore, the best way to change the way of education is to change yourself and influence children with real actions rather than just preaching.