Huang Lei: Why do our two children love each other?

Recently, Huang Lei\’s daughter Duoduo once again became a hot topic on Weibo. It turned out that Sun Li posted a photo of Duoduo knitting a woolen hat for her younger brother. Netizens joked: \”It\’s really \’a kind sister has the thread in her hands, and the younger brother has a coat on his head\’.\” Everyone envies Huang Lei for having such a sensible and well-behaved daughter. What is even more enviable is that Huang Lei\’s three children get along very well. You can see many warm and loving scenes on Li\’s Weibo. The elder sister lets the younger sister sleep in her arms. The younger sister accompanies her elder sister to practice piano and helps her elder sister to turn over the music. The elder sister pushes the younger brother for a walk. The elder sister kisses his younger brother\’s feet. Whenever I see the scene of Huang Lei\’s family loving each other, I can\’t help but want to have a second child. However, for mothers who have given birth to their second child around Qing Lanjun, the picture of the two babies getting along with each other is not so beautiful. Nuannuan\’s mother said that since she had her second child, the family has become a mess: when my brother was drinking milk in my arms, my sister kept shouting next to me, \”Mom, I want to drink milk too,\” \”Mom, I want to drink milk.\” \”I want to eat fruit\”, \”Mom, I want you to build blocks with me\”, \”Mom, I want you to read me a story\”… Sometimes, my sister will come and ask for a hug from me when she sees me hugging my brother. I passed my brother to my father and went to hug my sister. My brother kept throwing himself at me again. Then, the siblings started to fight each other, going back and forth without giving in to each other. Netizen Bingze said that since having the second child, the eldest son has become very sensitive and often jealous – \”Every time she yells at the eldest son, she will say aggrievedly that she doesn\’t like her anymore and only likes her younger sister, and then Make me say \’I love you\’ many times every day before I give up.\” I believe this is a true portrayal of many two-child families. How can we make the eldest child accept the second child, so that the two children can love each other and coexist peacefully? It’s best to master a few routines. 1 Pretending to be an “incompetent mother” Hu Ke has two very enviable sons, Anji and Xiao Yu’er. The two boys are two or three years apart. Logically speaking, they are at the right age to grab toys from each other, but on Hu Ke’s Weibo All I see are scenes of two children loving each other. Either the older brother dotes on his younger brother, or the younger brother clings to his older brother. In fact, when Hu Ke first gave birth to his younger brother, his brother Anji had a very strong rejection reaction. For example, on the day her brother was born, Anji cried loudly outside the ward. Later, on the way home, I broke out in a rash after only five or six minutes of walking. Another time, Anji actually pinched her younger brother and said childishly: \”It\’s all because of you that I\’m in such misery.\” What made Hu Ke even more angry and distressed was that one time her brother peed on his pants and she was about to mop the floor. Anji also peed on the floor in order to attract her mother\’s attention. As a result, her brother ran over and fell to his feet with his head raised. Got a big bag. What did Hu Ke do to make the two children so in love now? Her routine is to pretend that she is an \”incompetent mother\”. In the show \”Mom is Superman\”, Hu Ke once took his two children to the supermarket, and his younger brother wanted to sit in the cart. Hu Ke deliberately said to Anji: \”I can\’t push two carts by myself. My brother Can you help me?\” Then he deliberately looked for opportunities to make his brother look cool. And for most of the time after the show, Angie has become a little adult and is completelyTaking responsibility for his brother, he never took his eyes off Xiao Yu\’er. I remember there was a scene in \”Where Are We Going, Dad\” that touched many people. It was Anji who took several children to the market for shopping, but her younger brother suddenly disappeared. Anji anxiously called her younger brother\’s name all the way. When she found her younger brother, she held back her tears, held her little brother\’s face and said, \”Promise, brother, okay?\” Okay, don\’t run around next time, you know?\” All this was the result of Hu Ke deliberately asking his brother to take care of his younger brother. Since his younger brother was born, Hu Ke asked Anji to help him choose diapers and prepare milk powder. Others who use this method to raise their second child include Huang Lei and Sun Li and Deng Chao and Sun Li. Huang Lei also asked Duoduo to help take care of his younger sister and younger brother since he was a child, so there was a scene where Duoduo knitted a woolen hat for his younger brother. When Sun Li was pregnant with her sister, she often asked her brother to touch her belly to feel the fetal movement. After my sister was born, she tried to let her brother teach and do everything she wanted. For example, he lets his brother blow dry his sister\’s hair, and lets him breastfeed his sister. Even the sister\’s name was chosen by his brother. The sister\’s name is exactly the name of the little tiger in his favorite cartoon. So now even Sun Li is starting to be \”jealous\” of the two children, saying that they are each other\’s lovers. Asking the eldest child to help take care of the second child may seem like an added burden to the eldest child, but in fact, in the process of taking care of the second child, the eldest brother will feel that the younger siblings are also members of his family, and that his efforts are also part of their growth. Deepen the bond between the two children. From then on, the eldest brother became less repulsive and more responsible towards the second child. The second child is less hostile and more dependent on the eldest child. 2 To be a fair \”referee\” In the traditional concept of Chinese people, it is always believed that the boss must give way to the second child. In fact, this concept will make the eldest child, who is still in the period of attachment to his parents, more sensitive and vulnerable. WeChat netizen Ms. Li is a boss who was treated in this way, and now she is full of complaints. Wu Zun\’s family has a son and a daughter, and the eldest is a daughter, but Wu Zun would not let the eldest son give way to the second child, nor would he let the boy give way to the girl. In the program \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, when two children had a conflict over choosing a house, he used rock-paper-scissors to resolve the conflict. When two children wanted to draw, the way he used it was to set rules and everyone took turns to play. Hu Ke\’s two children, Anji and Xiao Yuer, often fight over grabbing toys, but she never lets Anji give in to her younger brother, and admits whoever is at fault. Whoever gets the toy first gets to play with it first. After playing with it for a while, the other person will take turns playing with it. According to the laws of developmental psychology, everyone\’s growth is to \”benefit oneself\” first and then \”benefit others\”. After the child is two or three years old, he slowly begins to enter the sensitive period of property rights awareness. For his own things, even if his parents want to If you want, he may not be willing to give it. It is not until after the age of 6 that children develop prosocial behaviors and are willing to share with their friends. Therefore, if parents cannot be a fair \”referee\” and always let the eldest child give way to the second child, the consequence will be that the eldest child will bully the second child behind his back, and the second child will hate the elder child even more. 3. Among these celebrity mothers, Hu Ke’s routine is the deepest when it comes to being a “postman” who delivers love. She often gives it to her brotherThe younger brother said how much his older brother cared about him and loved him. He will also tell his brother how much he loves and cares about him. Once on the show, Anji was performing a magic trick. The younger brother who was watching from the side thought that his older brother was going to be \”hacked to death\” and burst into tears. Hu Ke immediately said to Anji: \”You see how much my brother loves you, but he is worried that you will be hurt.\” Anji was touched, and as soon as the magic performance was over, he ran off the stage and gently wiped his brother\’s tears while saying: \”Brother is here. .\” The emotional connection between the brothers was deepened by the mother\’s routine. Sun Li would also use this trick. She often showed her brother the photos and videos of her brother and sister being in love together. One day, when the brother saw the love scenes on TV, he kissed his sister and her mother and said, \”I love my sister so much.\” .\” Although blood dissolves in water, for children who are still very ignorant, mothers\’ emotional extravagance will make the brotherhood deeper. 4. During the sensitive period, you have to pretend to love the boss more. The above three points are not enough. Finally, Qing Lanjun wants to talk about the fourth trick, which is also the most important point. Long Yingtai once mentioned in her book that she felt uneasy after her second child was born, worried that her older brother would be unhappy. The first person to see Long Yingtai was Erica, the neighbor across the street. She brought two packages of gifts and asked as soon as she stepped into the living room: \”Where is the boss?\” An An looked up and her eyes lit up when she saw the gifts. Erica half-crouched in front of him, handed over the gift and said: \”Today I came to see the new baby, but An\’an is the eldest, and An\’an is more important. Erica will give you the gift first, and then go to see your younger brother. Do you agree?\” \”An An happily agreed and quickly opened the gift. \”Why are you so smart?\” Long Yingtai was grateful and admired, and he immediately breathed a sigh of relief. Erica looked at the newborn in amazement, while stroking his soft and silky hair with infinite tenderness, she said: \”This is so important! When my second son was born, the boss almost murdered him with a pillow. Press, buttocks are still sitting on it! Use your fingers to pinch, slap, use the tip of a pencil…, do whatever you can…\” Then she lowered her voice and said, \”The little thing is so beautiful…\” Before leaving, Erica was there An An kissed her again at the door, and shouted to her mother: \”I think the eldest child is more beautiful, what do you think?\” Only a mother who has given birth to a second child understands that the eldest child and the second child are not compatible. The first conflict comes from the relationship between the eldest child and the second child. The second child rejects him because he thinks that the second child has taken away his parents. Letting children feel that \”the oldest child is more important\” is a compulsory topic for mothers of two children. More attention will make the elders understand that the love of parents has not diminished because of the sharing of the second child. In fact, many parents are exhausted physically and mentally from taking care of the second child, and often neglect the eldest child. Ala Lei, who became popular because of her participation in \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, is like this. Compared to other children, she is already more sensible, but she is not friendly to the second child and is often jealous. Arale\’s mother thought of a way, which was to give Arale some independent time so that she could also have some time to pamper her. Sure enough, Arale finally understood, and then said wittily: \”Well, it\’s not easy for you either.\” American psychologist Lawrence Cohen vividly compared children\’s need for parental care to holding a cup. Every child All with their own handsI hope my parents will be filled with security and love. Every child holds a cup of love in his hand. Parents, don’t forget about the cup of the eldest child. Only the eldest child knows that his love will not be taken away by the second child, so he will naturally understand his parents and love the second child together with his parents.