No matter how much I love my child, I will never change myself for him

As I told you yesterday, I am a devout Buddhist, not a superstitious old woman who burns incense and worships Buddha, nor an intellectual who treats Buddhism as a scientific study. Rather, he firmly believes in cause and effect and reincarnation. The goal of life is to go to the Paradise of Paradise after death and to be freed from the six realms of reincarnation forever. In fact, my husband is more involved in Buddhism than I am. He often chats with eminent monks and masters in Shenzhen. He also took me to visit Master Da’an at Donglin Temple, the ancestral home of the Pure Land Sect in Jiangxi. He also accompanied me when I took refuge in Longquan Temple in Beijing. He used to go to school in Beijing and is more familiar with Beijing than me. But he studied religion as a science and thought it was good knowledge, so he did not become a believer. I never tried to persuade him. That\’s how Buddhists are, they have a strong sense of boundaries. Your business is your business, your fate is your fate, I can influence you, but I will not interfere with you. This is very similar to psychoanalysis. As a result, my husband became a Christian. My heart was filled with joy when I learned that he believed in Jesus. It is better to have faith than to have no faith. It is already good that a stubborn man in science and engineering can believe that there are other higher-level existences outside the materialistic world, and that a proud man can lower his head and become humble. Buddhists really don’t have the obsession to dominate everything in heaven and earth. There are countless methods of Buddhism, whichever one is convenient for you to use, and whichever one is suitable for you to use. If you are a fish, the Bodhisattva will transform into a river to ferry you; if you are a bird, the Bodhisattva will transform into the wind to ferry you; if you are a doctor, the Bodhisattva will transform into a patient to ferry you; if you are a passerby, the Bodhisattva will transform into a beggar to ferry you. Of course, babies from other religions may not like to hear this. This is understandable. We must respect others. This is the self-cultivation of a Buddhist. So everything is just an explanation. All appearances are false, including explanations. In short, my husband has become a happy Christian. I also met many kind, loving, wise and responsible Christian friends through him. I was deeply moved by the Christian spirit in them, and especially admired the Christian couple’s mutual companionship like soul mates. My son often attends Christian gatherings with my husband, during which he is unusually quiet and devoted. He often prays silently with the adults, saying Amen. One day my husband came to me and told me that he was going to be baptized in the Jordan River and wanted to take his son to be baptized with him. He asked me if I agreed. I said I have no objection, just ask him, my son knows what he is doing. My husband was surprised, he thought I would object. As a result, my four-year-old son held a microphone at a grand Christian gathering in Taipei and said in front of hundreds of people in the room that he believed in God and was willing to be baptized. I don\’t think this is childish nonsense. My son is like this. If you ask him what he wants for Christmas a month ago, and ask him again a month later, it will be exactly the same. He knows what he wants. I know him. So my son was baptized in the Jordan River with his father and started on the path of faith. I was very happy until one day, my son said to me: Mom, you must also believe in God, otherwise my father and I will go to heaven in the future, and if you don’t go, we won’t be able to be together forever. My heart was shaken, and I forgot how to deal with it. Anyway, I got over it. Recently, my son suddenly started talking about death.Become sensitive. 6-year-old children begin to show curiosity about death and begin to understand that everyone is mortal. This is normal and many children will do this. However, it is very difficult for a child to face the issue of death; not only for children, but also for adults. Fortunately my son has God. But the problem came again. The child, who was anxious about death, persuaded me even more persistently to believe in Christ, because in this way he could be with his mother forever. A family of three, reunited in heaven, no one can be missing, no one is missing. Several times, especially when my son cried and said, \”Mom, please don\’t leave me,\” I broke down emotionally. I thought, how about I get baptized? Anyway, Buddhism is still very open. Even the Buddha can keep food and wine in his heart. It doesn’t matter if I get baptized. At least my son can feel better. And speaking from the heart, it’s not that I don’t accept Christianity. In my opinion, Buddhism and Christianity are just like Europe and America. They both exist, but people\’s choices are different. And this choice is determined by the karma or fate we have accumulated over many lifetimes. But later, I finally gave up. The reason why I gave up was not because of my firm belief, but because I studied psychology. In the process of studying psychology, I understood a truth: if you want your child to live like something, you must first live that way, instead of being someone else and hoping that your child will live like you did not. look. For example, I couldn’t be myself until I was thirty. I was bound by all kinds of love, expectations, and these very beautiful things, and I tried hard to live the way others wanted me to live. Everyone was very satisfied, but I was very depressed. So I very much hope that my son can live freely and live out his own vitality. However, today, if I change my beliefs because of my son\’s needs, the message left in my son\’s subconscious is: We can change ourselves for the people we love. In my son\’s life in the future, two things may happen: First, he tastes the sweetness from me and learns to use emotions to kidnap others. Whenever he couldn\’t figure out something, he would say, I love you so much, do this, do this, and do this. . . Otherwise I would be so sad. . . To be honest, I\’m a little annoyed when I think of a dignified seven-foot man communicating like this. Second, he learned compromise and sacrifice from me, and he would change himself for the expectations of others. Can you imagine, his girlfriend said: If you love me, you are not allowed to go abroad; if you love me, you are not allowed to do such a busy job; if you love me, you are not allowed to associate with those idle friends. . . Even if you love me, you should stop believing in God and believe in a certain religion with me. I think my son would probably agree, because that\’s what his mother did. shudder. So I decided to reject him gently but firmly. I want to express my opinion and set my boundaries to him: I love you, I love you very much. But I am me and you are you. I won\’t interfere with you, and you can\’t interfere with me, not even in the name of love. 10,000 words of guidance to help children be brave enough to be themselves, it’s not as good as showing yourself to him once. In the short term, of course my son will be sad, but in the long run, he will eventually accept this reality and understand that he cannot force others, and others cannot force him. From an emotional point of view, my son may have finally realized that he and his mother are two completely different individuals. We have different thoughts and different choices. We are not completely consistent, and we will eventually separate. As a mother, it may be a little reluctant for her son to realize this. Although maternal love is a graceful exit, how many mothers can really watch their children fly away happily? The link between children and parents should be just right. If it is too weak, the child will have no foundation and strength; if it is too strong, the child will have no vitality and no development. Ultimately, the purpose of raising our children is not to let our children love us and stay with us for the rest of their lives; it is to let them have a rich and free life. So here comes the key point: If we want our children to have a rich and free life, the best education is to live a rich and free life ourselves and show it to them.