\”No child loves to learn!\”

This sentence was categorically told to me by my mother-in-law last week. At eight o\’clock in the evening, I rushed home after a long journey. My daughter was practicing the piano with great interest. The piece was the newly learned \”For Alice\”. The child played the piano well, so I asked casually: \”Do you like playing the piano very much? Do you also like this piece of music?\” Before the child could answer, the mother-in-law, who usually didn\’t have a good ear, suddenly roared, \”What do you like about it?\” ! Don’t say she likes it. She has to practice even if she doesn’t like it!” My child and I were both a little confused for a moment. Finally, when the child went to bed, I quietly ran to my mother-in-law and asked: Mom, I just said that the child likes that piano music. I don’t understand what’s wrong? My mother-in-law\’s expression was very firm, as if she was afraid that I would make some mistake, and she said to me earnestly: \”What do you like and dislike? If you don\’t like it, why don\’t you practice? No kind of learning is happy, it is all bitter. If you don\’t like it, why don\’t you practice?\” You have to practice too!\” Looking at the old man who looked determined and matter-of-fact, I didn\’t know how to refute for a moment. Is that so? This is not the first time that we have had conflicts over children’s education. I think it won\’t be the last time. My husband is the pride of my mother-in-law. He is filial, smart, went to a key university, and works in a Fortune 500 company. He is simply a model of her mother-in-law’s successful education. They had success stories, but I didn\’t. In the eyes of my mother-in-law, I was just a young mother with no educational experience. My mother-in-law’s eyes seemed to be accusing me of my naivety and idealism: Can learning make me happy? How can it be? I asked my best friend Tata, who studies psychology, is this true? She told me a story. When Tata graduated from university and fell in love, there was an aunt. Every time she saw her, she would tell her earnestly, \”Where is the love! When you fall in love, you have to be practical! Don\’t be petty, find someone to live a down-to-earth life with!\” His tone was firm and sincere, with a look of \”I\’m doing this for your own good!\” Tata said she barely had the courage to argue, but she always felt something was wrong. She said she had a stubborn temper. While listening to her aunt\’s sincere words, she still liked the person she liked and talked about the love she liked. In the process, she met the person she loved and the person who loved her. She loved and liked her. She has experienced love. My aunt\’s words were already in the back of my mind. But during a chat many years later, Tata discovered that her aunt had a deep yearning for love when she was young, but something happened that made her no longer believe in love and felt that talking about love was just a waste of time. Meaningless things. From then on, whenever she met a young girl, my aunt would remind her to be more mature and not fall in love. At the end of the story, Tata asked me, \”Is your mother-in-law similar to my aunt? But my aunt has never been in love, so for her, there is no love in the world; for your mother-in-law, maybe she is just love She has never enjoyed learning, so she can’t believe it!” I seemed to have a clue. So do children naturally love to learn? Discussions in HeyMom\’s office were lively. \”Do you know what the most difficult learning task in life is?\” Teacher Ding suddenly asked me, \”What is it?\” \”It is learning to speak, andLearn to walk! \”Every child, no matter sooner or later, will learn to walk. In this process, children will fall and fail, but we will always see that every child is always happy. Whether we allow or encourage them, the children will In the end, they will stagger away from us and start walking alone. Do you still remember the proud smile on the child\’s face when he learned to walk? He was so happy that he had learned a skill, and he was so devoted that he insisted on trying and Learning. In the end, he won. As he got older, the children began to learn to speak. Even the children who couldn\’t even pronounce the words at first learned to call dad, mom, grandpa and grandma from the vague \”MAMA\”. Still remember In this learning process that is not easy, children always try various things. Have you ever seen a child in pain? No. It seems that no matter what happens, nothing can stop the child\’s enthusiasm for learning. Isn\’t such a child a natural learner? , aren’t they children who get countless pleasures from learning? As the discussion progressed, mothers began to think, yes, children are born to learn, and even have their own engines, but what happened to those children who do not want to learn? What? “What about yourselves? Have you been reading a book recently? Have you experienced the fun you get from learning? \”Teacher Ding started asking questions again. I mustered up a lot of courage and changed my current job. Suddenly I found that I really wanted to understand children and child psychology, so I started studying again. In this process, it was not easy. , but, quite satisfied. However, long before this, I had never read a book or listened to a class. I still remember that my way of celebrating after the college entrance examination was to burn all the review materials. I don’t know since when, our education has cultivated many so-called “students”, but we found that the biggest ideal of these “students” is – as long as I go to Peking University, I will never touch books again! I don’t know when At first, what we want to see is the child\’s report card, not the fun the child \”gets\” in learning. I found that when we pay too much attention to the results and are willing to make every effort for the child\’s performance, the child\’s enthusiasm for learning will be reduced. Disappeared. Psychologist Daniel T Willingham found through research that people are born with curiosity and willingness to learn. But we are not born outstanding thinkers. In the process of learning, when we can solve a problem, our The brain will reward itself with a small amount of dopamine, which is a substance that is very important for the brain\’s pleasure system. With dopamine, people will feel happy and accomplished. In this case, learning is the source of happiness. So, Under what circumstances will learning become unfulfilling and unhappy? One situation is when we reach a stage of no progress in the learning process. At this time, children will feel frustrated. One situation is, We don’t know why we study, but we have to study hard. When a child is at this stage, he often feels that learning is not his own business, and all the efforts he puts in are to meet the expectations of his parents. AlsoOne time is when a child tries to learn to solve a problem on his own, but parents and teachers give the child the answer directly. Simply being told the answer is a very important factor in children losing interest in learning. No child is born without a love for learning. When we find that our children don’t like to study, we might as well take a deep breath and try the following methods to help our children regain their motivation to learn. If you want your children to have independent interest in learning, the first thing to test is the way you view learning. Have we ourselves experienced the joy of learning? Do we ourselves recognize that learning is a lifelong matter? When children want to explore themselves, do we give them independent exploration fun? Sit together as a family and read a book! Then, be more patient and wait for your child to progress and grow in his own way. Let the child find the answer to the problem on his own and stimulate the secretion of dopamine in the child\’s brain. Do not directly help the child solve the problem because you cannot tolerate the child\’s slow progress. Compared with report cards, remember to pay more attention to \”Child, what did you learn today? Is there anything new you can tell mom?\” In the end, we can only overcome all difficulties when we do what we want. , to strive for victory. Learning, too. When your child encounters an anxious and non-nervous stage during learning, remember to gently tell your child, \”This is a learning process. Mom is with you, let\’s work hard together!\”